Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Please Help, Divorce Almost Final!!!

Things never go exactly the way we plan them, or would like them to go.
I think one of the best things we can do, is to attempt to be flexible, and adapt to what is actually in front of us, instead of what we were expecting to see.

Sounds like you're doing that, in your own way

Had a backslide last night. W got me into an R talk. Since my counselor had said I had been holding a good amount inside of me, I decided to vent a bit.

I let her know I was unhappy about the emotional affairs more than she knew and that no matter what she said it was completely unacceptable. I also said she disappointed me because she did not try anything to work things out. No counselor, no reading, nothing. Just talking to a friend on the same destructive path. I told her I truly did not think that she cared if I was living or dead because I really feel that way sometimes.

When I woke up I said I was sorry for venting and texted her a slightly modified version of the dobson letter. Looks like I have to start over.

Her mother called me this morning to tell me that she is not seeing much of this other person anymore if she is seeing him at all. Did not seem that way yesterday.

Today when I went to pick my daughter up from my wife's work I had an iteresting interaction. There were two cars in the lot (not counting my wife's) but only one customer inside. Apparently my daughter was going to stay with my wife at work for a while and I did not need to get her. My wife had sent me a text but it came through late.

Anyway, when I found out I did not need to pick her up, I said okay, turned around and left. As I pulled out I noticed this second car was def a guys car by the way it was "done up". I say nothing but about 1 minute after I leave I get a text that says "it's Linda's son's car and he dropped it off at lunch because her's was in the shop." Anyway I did not respond, just kept DBing. About another 5 mintues later she calls. I don't answer. Waits one minute and calls again...again I don't answer.

I sned a text that says "did you need something" and she replies "I was just curious what was wrong." I replied "why do you think something is wrong?" and she replied "just wondering."

I stopped at that point and a half hour later I get a message that said "you seemed upset, but if you aren't, okay"

I again left it alone.

What just happened? She has not shown any concern for me in three months.

What do you guys think? Does it mean nothing? Something? Wait and see?

Of course I want to think it was something but I backslid hard yesterday.

I am also regretting not taking the second call. I would like to know what she was going to say when I picked up and I might have had more info based on the tone of her voice and such. Felt like a missed opportunity.

Anyone have any thoughts? Is this again me reading too much into something?

3/27/2008

This morning my wife left my daughter to be watched by the trashy girlfriend she has that has helped convince her that divorce is the right thing to do. IT was because she had a "meeting." I asked her if she changed her mind about doing a dissolution and had went to see an attorney to start an ugly divorce process. She said she had not. I hope that she is going to get some counseling, but I doubt it. The two women are probably covering dates for each other.

I'm so frustrated. I really want to talk to her. I miss her and miss having that person to confide in.

As I posted previously she was wondering if something was wrong yesterday and I refused the call. I never did get a follow up to that call so I really feel like a fool for not answering now.

Hi

I think that she is concerned about you but she also doesn't want you to think anything bad of her. I have been dim with H for a little while. Even though I am trying not to contact him I do answer when he calls or respond when he texts. Maybe you could have answered one of the calls but I think you managed the sit. quite well and diffused an arguement. Do you think that conversation would have sparked one?

Whatever you do DON'T jump to conclusions. Keep your mind open and give her the benefit of the doubt. If you don't like this other woman then tell your W that you would prefer your D not be around her.

You need to relax and take it easy.

Jen

Wife wanted to talk last night so I did. Of course it was just about us being "friends" through the D process. Hard for me to do this when there is OM involved.

I told her I have tried to be a great friend and be caring through the process but it was hard with OM and also the fact that her friend (the one noted above) is saying I am immature, irresponsible, whatever. She was VERY apologetic and said she would never say these things about me. She knows I am taking care of everything that I need to. It was hard to look at her. I love my wife so very much and in 8 weeks I will be divorced, maybe.

That brings me to the topic of our talk...as it started anyway. We are supposed to finish it today. I told her I would not stop the divorce and we would do it at her pace. She already has the paperwork and I am just waiting for her to sign it and then it will be filed. I did tell her I was disappointed that we did not try counseling or she would not read any books or anything. As much as our marraige has been in turmoil at times i don't think we EVER both tried to work on our issues together. It was always one of us trying to "fix" ourselves or each other. I truly think we can make a good marriage together.

We are going to finish the talk today. There is OM involved so I am sure she is not going to suddenly agree to try to work things out and this probably appears more like chasing to her. However, I am going to let her say what she wants to. I have already said that I will let her proceed with the papers at her pace. I am just hoping and praying that she will decide to not push them through right away. To clarify, I did not ask her to pull a u-turn. I simply ASKED her to slow down the process and give herself some time to see if at some point she would come back to the table and try to at least be open to counseling or reading or something. I did later tell her that even though I am asking her to slow down I am not forcing her to or threatening.

The closest I got to a threat was saying it will be hard to be friends because she is seeing OM while still married and that really bothers me. I told her I was also upset when I heard she said these things about me.....but then said I believed her if she said she did not say them. She was very nice and very apologetic during this time.

I am so torn up inside and hurt. I miss her in all ways and long for the day when I can even hold her hand. The fact that that day may never come is what is killing me inside. I have done self improvement and I like who I am right now. I am still trying to be even better and I guess that's all I can depend on right now is being better for myself.

The nights are very long and lonely, even when I have a female friend to keep me company for part of the evening. I am always thinking of her. There are times that I feel strong and that I can go on without her, but there are sometimes when I feel she is my whole universe. I would give anything to get her back, because at this point I know she would be happy with me.

I doubt that she is going to tell me tonight how fast she is going to proceed on D papers, so I think no matter the outcome (unless she does make a complete u-turn), I need to LRT and go completely dark to her. This will be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and the biggest challenge. I went dark for around a week and saw a tiny change but I'm not sure 8 weeks is enough time for her thoughts to start to change, especially with OM involved.

I feel helpless and hopeless right now. I feel like I want to fight forever to keep her, but there is no guarantee she will ever come back.

And Jen, I don't think the conversation would have started an arguement. I think my wife would have shown some compassion for me that I have not felt in months. That's why I regret not taking the call. I guess if her intentions are to let me know she still cares she will let me know in due time.

I should say cares for me in that way. Right now she says she cares about me but only as a friend.

Just got off the phone with the husband of this woman that I can't stand. She is the most immoral person that I know. My wife is confiding waaaay too much in this person and it bothers me that both of these two women think what they are doing is okay.