Thanks for the support. I spent the weakend with family trying to prepare myself emotionally for this. I was away from the kids all weakend and truly missed them. I just called them and I could tell that they missed me. The Wife just acted like nothing has changed. I don't think she is going to change her mind. She seems very content. Like this is not even bothering her. She is a lawyer and she seems to be playing the part. I have given up hope but if any one has any suggestions on last resort techniques I could really use them....What has worked for others in this situation.
Zuma, Do you know if there is your W is seeing someone? Is it possible she filed because she has someone in mind now or in the future?
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She seems very content. Like this is not even bothering her. She is a lawyer and she seems to be playing the part.
She has to act like she's doing the right thing, to convince herself and others that she is doing the right thing. Don't be fooled by it. Try to avoid making any decisions while you're emotional about the situation. What constructive 180s can you implement now? -PH
No I am pretty sure that there is no one else involved. Right now I am acting positive around her and like I am moving on. She told the kids last night and my oldest one was really upset. I had asked my w to call me later after she had told them and when she did I asked how the girls took it and she stated that she had just got my oldest one calmed down. When asked to speak to the oldest the W stated that she did not want to get my oldest upset all over again and stated that my oldest was mad at her and not me. I told her to make sure and tell my oldest that I love her and give her a kiss for me as I was crying over the phone. My W responded that I know you love her HONEY!...She called me honey she slipped...she has called me that in 4 months since we separated....Anyway I picked up the kids after school today and my oldest and I had a little cry together and my oldest told me that the W told them during the talk that she still loved their Dad.......What's with that!! Anyway I don't put much stock in it. She was supposed to be home early to take the kids to a baseball game opening day and called to tell me she would be late because she was stuck in a meeting ....she got home 2 hours late.....Makes me wonder... I am still being the good father and being at the house everyday for the kids after school...Another 180 I am doing is when she gets home I just kiss the kids goodbye and walk out the door without hanging around trying to talk or anything to her. But she has filed for divorce and I have very very little hope that she will change her mind.......
I love her but I really think she has lost her mind and is in the worst middle age chrisis or WAW mind set. My main focus right now is healing myself and being there for the kids as much as possible even though I feel like she is using me. It is more important for me to be a father than to worry about her using me.
She called me honey she slipped...she has called me that in 4 months since we separated....Anyway I picked up the kids after school today and my oldest and I had a little cry together and my oldest told me that the W told them during the talk that she still loved their Dad.......What's with that!! Anyway I don't put much stock in it.
Even though it's hard to know what she really means by that slip of tongue, it sounds like it wasn't really a slip-up after all, from what she told your daughter. Maybe you should take it as a baby step from her, a gem and be happy about it. Keep up the 180s and the other DBing strategies. If it took this long for the M to break down, it might take a while for things to improve too.
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It is more important for me to be a father than to worry about her using me.
It's really loving and compassionate of you to be more concerned about being a father to the kids.
Went to get leagal advice today...and the Divorce process begins....I hate this...I am strong one moment and then the thought of my family breaking up ...kills me...I also will be moving into a larger apartment to fix up a place for my girls so they can start staying overnite with me....The three of them and me in a 2 bedroom apartment while the wife lives in a 4100 sq ft 5 bedroom house on 2 acres not to mention the 70,000 pool....hardly seems fair after I supported her through law school......Get over it..............venting.
zuma, Yeah, sounds unfair. I am sure your lawyer will help you figure this out. I hope you are able to get a good lawyer. It's wonderful you have 3 daughters to share your life with. It's understandable that you would feel so hurt from the family breakup. In the meantime, try to read up as much as you can on how heal yourself and at the same time learn how to relate amicably with your W. Regardless of what happens, you will have to communicate with her the rest of your life, because of your kids.
Hi Saus16. Sorry to jump in, but I read what you posted and I hope you may be able to give me some insight. If you wanted to D. your H. what made you change your mind? If you look at my posts called "wife complains I defend myself", can you see any rays of hope left. I really do want my M. and the only thing that seems to hinder it is her analysis that my anxiety and/or depression (both her diagnosis) is the problem in our M. I am trying to hang in there in my own M. but I am losing hope.
Me: 39 "W": 40 D:3 D:16, had sole cust. but now is living with my ExW:40 D:20 M:4 rocky yrs. My second, her third M.
Hi Zuma. Wow, it sucks. I am going through very similar things right now. It was helpful to read some of your posts to know I am not going through these feelings alone. I have prayed for your situation to get better and turn around. So many around me are going through this, it feels like an epidemic. Sorry for your pain. I can't say it gets better, mine seems daily. Stubborn women who want to be independent and not a wife. Is your "wife" a feminist out of curiosity if I may ask?
