who is really a b!tch? you think hanging in his face, the way you were chewing him out was gonna bring him back? if not that ow it would be another. ow is a symptom not the cause. yes it bites and stabs a knife into our chest when they have one...and we all think if she would just leave.....he would see the light. he doesnt want to see the light...thats why he found one in the first place.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
and no I don't think I was helping. I really just didn't expect this NC to go the way that it is. and didn't expect it to be so hard.
and I agree about OW but the longer they are together, the more time they spend with each other, that is what worries me. I really don't have a chance in hell if he won't give me one or look from her back to me.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
in all actuality it would be best for them to move in together.....takes the shine right off that R! that does tend to speed up its inevitable demise. my h moved in with his ow prob sept of 06 (he will say nov...but hey im not that stupid) by march it was starting its downhill descent , even after vegas, nyc and the local nh tourist mecca
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
god that would be soooo hard, but I've been prepared for that to happen as that would ease the financial stress for him. but I really don't thing my H could do that for fear of how others would look at him. unless he files first of course.
and even though they have been seeing each other for AT LEAST 1 year, he is still keeping her in the dark from EVERYONE except me
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
then expose that affair...bring it into the daylight.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
TOH you need to get a new perspective. Try reading the book "The Power of Now" by Echhart Tolle. Forget the past it's done, forget the future, it's not here yet. All you have is now each precious minute. Enjoy that! Clear your mind of the past and future. Rid yourself of the pain and sorrow.
I am reading the book now. It's really deep and it's difficult to apply the principles, but I agree with the whole concept.
It might just enlighten you. I picked my copy up from Walmart online.
You need to get to Peace for you and your kids.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
what makes you think he is going to be happy with the OW
I don't...but anything is possible. What I really think is that she is the easier route for him. That something has been between them for alot longer than I know. That he made this decision to be with her and he just may "stick" to that. That he's caused so much damage that he believes in his mind that she may be his only damamge. That he has said over and over again, " I am done with you, I don't want to try again, that I am never coming home" that he HAS to stick to that decision because "you know me, when I make my mind up, that is it!"
But I do think that I know my H and if he stays with her. One day she will pay for his choices. One day he will hate her for what he gave up to be with her.
TOH,
I'm right here with you on this one.
I know through the grapevine (and yes, through some snooping on his cell phone when he's left it lying around) that my H and his OW don't have the perfect fairytale life that he thought it would be. And maybe he's started to see this, at least a little.
BUT...the affair between my H and his OW is public knowledge, and he said it so loud and so often to me (that she would make him happy) that I'm not sure he will ever be able to admit that he made a mistake. I think he'd rather live his life being miserable than to have to admit to the world that he screwed up.
I also think that if my H stays with this OW, she will end up being the target of his anger. It's all just so sad.
So how can we as the LBS's counteract this? Is there any way to let our H's know that if they owned up to their issues, came back home and made their marriage work they would eventually be thought of as a type of hero? But if they throw away their kids and everything they worked so hard for and stay with the OW, they'll be thought of as the biggest kind of fool?
I can't remember who it is, but there's a poster here on the MLC board whose tagline says, "Be the greener grass!" We certainly can't control our H's, so I guess becoming that greener grass and being patient and letting TIME work to our benefit are two really important things we can do.
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
trust me an2m, EVERYONE knows. People at his work, his family, our friends, everyone. And I think that H knows they know. But yet he keeps her hidden...
real proud of himself, and her, wouldn't you say...
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
not for OW, she made that bed a long time ago. And my H's OW has done this (broke up a M) more than once. 3 times that I know of
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
well sit tite this R is doomed...3 times huh? the only guys she can have a men in MLC????? that says alot for her moral fiber
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
