Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again jersting still working on it

the drinks are definitely on me then.

You're a great guy and deserve better. It may take W crashing down to rock bottom to realize she needs help. She may never realize it.

If you are going to refinance though- don't do it until after W gets her divorce if you can. D, split the credit then refinance the stuff in your name only. No benefit to W or money to give her.

thanks for saying that, it makes me feel good about myself. I am so upset for my kids but so happy for myself.

this has really been a great learning experience for me, I just wish it would not have taken 2 years for me to learn. I am going to vent a little here... When my W moved back in without me asking her, she told me I had too many clothes and I needed to get rid of some to make room in the closet for hers. So instead of me getting rid of my clothes I moved them all to the basement. Every morning when I took a shower I had to go down and get dressed. It was no big deal until she moved all of her clothes home a couple weeks ago and took up the whole closet and some of my closet in the basement is when it really hit me that I was the one doing all of the changing to make things work and she wasn't going to change one thing. I got to the point to where I seen she felt as if she could stay just the way she was and I had to overlook it and do all of the changing on my own. I lived a couple months like that and was fed up with it so I went back to my old ways. I felt like if she wanted to just leave things the way they were that there was no reason for me to bend over backward to please her like I had been doing.

J, at some point you have to decide that this may be to damn hard on your kids. What is this now, 3 or 4 times y'all have put them through this?

I think your right, she has some mental issues buddy. Let her figure them out, quit trying to do it for her. No more suggestions. If she wants things to work later on, she will have to be the one to make them work. You have done your part my friend. You have hung in there for a very long time and been patient, loving, and supportive.

It might be time to simply lay it out there to her in that manner. Give her the speech. Tell her you have done your part and are through with the games, that it's not fair to the kids. Give her a time frame to get her shitt together or you file and get it done with. IMHO it's time for you to take control of your own sitch and be the one making the decisions.

Not for nothing but if she left anything in the house, box it up for her and make her come and get it. Let her know that your not playing games anymore. She wants to sneak out she needs to take all her crap with her. Send a message that you are in charge of your life now buddy. File for the legal seperation and get control of yoru life pal. I am here if you need to talk bud.


Ian

Jersting,

Hey man, keep up the work. You've been here a long time and I know just from skimming your thread that you've come a long way. Keep your head up.

GH

GH, thanks for checking in on me. I haven't been on the board much lately, I've seem to have gotten a life outside of trying to keep my marriage together. I've had lots of ups and downs over the last couple years and I am ready to stay on the up side. Unfortunatly my wife has proved to me that it is impossible to stay on the up when I am trying to stay with her so I am starting the next chapter in my life.

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Sandi

Nice commercial, Sandi

Checkout all of Sandi's posts, people....

Sandi, thanks for the reply but I think that my W really doesn't know what she wants or needs and I am tired of trying to give her what she wants or needs without her knowing what that is. Don't think for a minute that I have just given up on my marriage and don't you dare judge me on my sitch until you read all of my posts here to see what I have put up with over the past couple years. No one, man or woman, should have to live the life that I have been living for the last few years of my life. I've read the books and put them to good use, it just isn't going to work with the selfishness that I've been dealing with.

We have agreed on the child custody and the division of marital properties. All that is left now is for the papers to be wrote up and us sign. I will be done with this roller coaster ride.

I am supprised that no one has jumped on here and told me anything at this point.

well anyway, all papers are signed and I guess I could jump over to "Divorced but not done", but I am not sure that I am not done. When I talk to W, she says crap like "maybe in another life we will get together and make it work" when I respond that I don't believe in that she says that she don't know what the future holds for us. I can't believe that sometimes I entertain the thought of us getting back together in the future after I hear her say something like that. My minor problem right now is that I can't seem to get her off my mind for more than a couple hours at a time. I have been told that will go away with time and I know it did the last time but this time it seems a little different because now I have complete closer unlike the last few times. I am relieved to have the closer but for some reason it still hurts a little.