....Although it seems we have to have contact once every week since he left for whatever reason...
I bought a new mattress because I'm now starting to make this house my own.
The kids are still here and last week I called H to tell him to quit puting a gilt trip in the kids about going to visit him.
He says he has not had them over for dinner because he is doing drywall etc. I don't think that would have stopped me but whatever....
He now tells the kids to let me know what he has taken and will bring it back.
Which brings me to the questions I have......
Yesterday he came in while I was at work and although it makes me uncomfortable he still owns 50%.
He called me at work and told me what he cam to take he has up to this point ony told the kids to tell me,whay do you think he is calling me now?
He asked why I got a new mattress and I told him that we made love on this one and it hurt too much to sleep on it now. He was very very quiet for abot 30 seconds.Why would this bother him?
He offered his help if ever I need it.
He also asked how everything was going with work and the kids. I told him good realy good.
Actually much more peacful around since he is not in the house,didn't tell him that though.
I also asked him that when he gets the financials to please just let it move on as My lawyer has all the proof and I want this to just move. He started to raise his voice and said that he was going to see his lawyer tommorrow.
I know that he is going to be mad at what he sees because after all it's about the money he will have to dish out.
Is the guilt getting to him and he feels he has to offer his help?
I'm so sick and tired of it being all about him.
He still is very angry and there is no way that I see any kind of improvement.
I don't like him right now and I want him to let me go.
Should I tell him this?
By not settling he has control of my life because I'm in the house and although he pays the bills,I have to pay everything else.
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
E Hi I think they want to be on good terms,friends ,probably guilt so they help out after all they left us with a lot of responsibily Maybe if we are their friend, they think what they did was ok and we are over it I have that in my situation too H is willing and wants to fix stuff, he wants to be friends maybe they like us as friends? who knows we can make the decision to either be friendly or not maybe friendly has benefits like fixing things and more $cash, kids see friendly parents I did that for a year but its hard to move on with my life while being friends I always feel I am trying to decode my H messages Im sure they didnt want to hurt us, but they did and I like you am still angry and hurt and really cant figure rthis out If only it were easier for them to move on they seem to want to keep a foot in each world and Ive read that about mlcers we have to move forward anyway I just went dim in my situation after 15 months of "friends" I dont have any real answers, but I know how you feel peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Dont' know how old your kids are, but it is best he calls you to tell you about it so the kids are not stuck in the middle of more drama (don't try to make sense of why he does/does not do things, leaving a W of 25yrs makes NO sense).
I"m a bit confused about the L. Did you get one because he is fighting you on everything or wants a D now? or just so you dont' argue. You mentioned your L is a barracuda, um, you do not want that if you have any hopes of getting back together. A bomber L (learned that term from my mediation book) will do anything in his power to make him suffer, then he'll hate you for it, fight back with vengeance and all will go down hill. Stbx and I are using a mediator, we were not agreeing on a few points, but we did reach to good agreements with the mediator's help. It helped us save money, we were able to talk like human beings without attacking each other. I did though, see a very good L before the meetings so I made sure I was asking for the right stuff.
Good luck)))) I pray that you find peace and focus on you and the kids
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Well H has been out of the house since the end of march and I must say that things have been nice and quiet
I absolutly agree that the year in the same house bought me the time to really see things clearly. I would not have been as strong as I am now.
I needed to do it for myself and the kids.
I have grown in this relationship and the kids needed to see that you just don't give up when the going gets rough.
Both of the kids are with me(2B,s 19,22.)
They chose to stay with me and I'm glad they did, although H is thinking that I need them more than him, which fits right into his "woa is me... marter roll" whatever .....
When I talk to H, I'm very upbeat and positive. It really isn't a far stretch from the truth.
I have far more good days than bad and the bad days are less bad and shorter on my emotions.
I realize now that I have to let go and let the powers that be handle things and this is what I have done.
It is funny how people that I need to learn from enter into my life when I need the knowledge. A gift indeed.
As fro the lawyers, well my financials were given to H and he was not impresed and he wanted to make deals.
I will not agree to anything that I know not to be in my best interest, afterall this is my future. Besides this is what I'm paying a lawyer for.
The house is not mine yet and I don't know if I will be able to afford it when all is done but I have to make some changes for me.
H is paying the bills for the house and although sometimes asks what I need the extra money for he does give me a little extra.( above my paycheck) for groceries and stuff for the kids.
I'm starting to make the place my own now and it is liberating The garage is a little bit girlie but not too much
I'm getting rid of the "junk" in my house as now it means nothing.
What matters now is not "stuff" but people and now i'm decluttering my life, in many ways.
I've been getting in touch with people that have been left behind in the turmoil of our lives and that also feels good.
Overall things are good.
I still love him but when I see him sometimes he looks 50 trying to look 30ish and i feel so bad for him.
I hope one day when and if he comes out of the funk, he sees someone familiar and knows that I'm there for him if not for a relationship(I may be way past him by then) then to talk.
He looks lost. But I'm sure he thinks he's O.K.
MLC sucks but I have grown wiser...
E
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
I don't now if I should be here or MLC????? Anyhow.....
Things have been relatively quiet.
Although I'm not posting I'm reading every day.
I've been very busy with.... well.... life, and yard work
I have something that is bothering me and I know I can count on some good advice.
I'm in the matrimonial home and the finances still are not finalized.
My lawyer mailed a letter to his lawyer in May 27 that in essence said lets get a move on this.
For the last 2 weeks my ex ( I hate putting that!) has been coming by and doing things around the yard while I'm not there but calling me to let me know that he is at the house getting something or did something.
His reasoning is that he knows that there is alot to take care of and that he is just helping me out.
His words were " you think I hate you but you're wrong, I hope we can just be friends and I would rather you ask me to do things for you than anyone else"
He then asked ifwe could be friends and after a short pause I said I didn't think so.
I did call him back and said that I appreciate all that he does for me and yes we could be friends as long as his intentions were good I had no problem with him coming over to help.
He said he would help if I needed it because he knows all that needs to be done on the outside.
I'm not stupid and I know that he still has a vested interest in the house but he still does not have to do what he is doing.
Right now my emotions are raw because last year at this time (June 8,) is when he slept with the OW.
I'm thinking 1) he has talked to the lawyer and I'm feeling a deal coming down the line or 2) he is sincere or 3) the guilt and or lonliness has gotten to him.
This is really tough right now as I am really tring to 180, and have been doing good until now.
It feels as though the bandaid keeps getting ripped of and will never heal.
I could really use some words of wisdom as I could fall right down that slippery slope easily right now.
Give me 2 x 4's or whatever you got. I realy want to get through/over this .
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
The garage is a little bit girlie but not too much 