Feel horrible today. Like things are absolutely hopeless. Full speed ahead. Divorce isn't even final and talks about house being sold etc. Good times ....
Just thought I'd chime in and give you my support. I know how you feel. It sucks and there isn't anything you can do about it, so why direct your energy in that useless direction?
You are only responsible for yourself and the direction you take in your own life. Focus on that. Recognize that being with a spouse who would walk away emotionally or literally isn't the way to handle long-term relationships. Sure, you made mistakes and needed to really understand the outcomes - did she help you understand those outcomes? Was she there for you? If she's like my W, probably not.
By focusing on yourself, you regain your own self-respect and re-discover that your needs are valid too. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship. Maybe by reclaiming yourself, she'll recognize what she's throwing away and want to recommit, but she has to come to that decision on her own and she has to earn the chance from you. You deserve more than to pick up scraps.
I know how hard it is. I'm in the same position and I keep thinking - if I just wait she'll come to her senses. But it isn't about waiting. It's about taking control of your life and letting go of those things you don't have control over. Let it go. Stop concentrating on her and concentrate on yourself. Make yourself happy rather than trying to rely on her to do so. If you get D, well, so you'll get D. A lot of people have done just that - even gone through brutal Ds, and they've all been okay. You'll be okay regardless of the outcome, so you have to make sure that the restless who emerges on the other side is the restless that you want to be.
Well almost done with another day. I am in a stage where I know what I am doing is making me feel a lot better but at the sametime I am missing apart of my heart. How does one detach a missing part of his heart?
"Love bears all things, believes all thing, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends ...." 1 Cor 13:4-8
Even if she dosen't respond at least I know I whole heartedly tried. I won't be ashamed of that, I won't apologize for that.
...I just don't get it. Acting as if there is nothing going on. Talking about moving all her stuff out without any sort of emotion. Selling our home.
Frustrated. I just got off the phone with her. It wasn't a fight but needless to say it was about just finding time to fix the house up etc. She really seems to have shut me out. I know I know it has only been five weeks 3 of the weeks me being dumb. Time to really start kicking DR and DB into overdrive etc
She has shut you out. She has emotionally divorced herself from you and you have no idea how long ago she did it. That means that you're probably months behind her in coming to terms with the problems that had been building up in the relationship.
You need to find a way to keep all interactions with her as positive as possible. Show her that you're a good person who doesn't deserve the kind of treatment she's dishing out - your positive attitude will sink in at some level.
You can't react to her. You have no control over what she does and reacting to her will only frustrate you. I know it sounds impossible, but it's only making the pain worse. Find a balanced place within yourself where you know what you want and need out of life. It isn't going to happen overnight, but once you accept the situation and try to learn from it, try to expand your own life, it will make everything better.
Trust me, it gets easier, even though right now you don't feel like you can deal with it another day. I know you don't get it. I don't get my W. I may never get my W, and at this point, how much would I really benefit by knowing the "why's?". I know the negative elements I brought into my M and you know what wasn't working in yours. My W wasn't capable of approaching the problem in a responsible manner, neither is yours. So don't spin your wheels but pick yourself up and think about what life has to offer.
I'm sitting in my house right now knowing next week I have to discuss selling it with W, who wants to D as fast as possible. That sucks, but what does it get me by fretting about it? Just heartache. It's just stuff. I've lived other places, I've moved, I'll be okay. And so will you. But first you have to have faith in yourself.
lodo, thanks for the support, truely means a lot. It is just hard to take everything in so quickly. But then again all I can do is hope for the best. I am not angry at her, just angry at the entire situation. Everything changing so quickly and being treated like a stranger....
I know. It's really really hard and it doesn't make any sense. I'm going through the same thing and I still can't accept it because I love my W with all my heart. But the situation is what it is and you can't lose yourself in the situation. You need to take care of yourself. I can't remember, is there an OM?
To be honest I do not think there is. We are pretty nice to each other atm. Just can't bring up any R talk cause she then seems to shell up. From whatever people she has confided in mostly female co-workers and family. They have all said something along the lines of "about time, good for you, that is the right decision etc"
So atm she clearly is "At peace" with her decision and is happy.
I am on top of taking care of myself which is a damn good thing!!! I have dropped 32 lbs down from a 38-40 to 36 now still working on another 40 lbs. Seeing a lot of old friends.
I truely feel alive again! But I do miss her. I have acknowledged that this could very well be the end. I just have to stop psyching myself out during the day.
Okay, so you've learned a rule of thumb - don't bring up R talk. Ever. Even if she brings it up, don't be too enthusiastic. This is a mistake I've made over and over and wish I'd handled things differently.
So you're in contact with her family/coworkers? Why is it good that it's about time? Have you accepted the negative dynamic of the R, or at least your part of it, and tried to figure out why things got to that point?
She may act like she's at peace, but it's never that easy. She's as back and forth as you, except she's been thinking about this a lot longer than you have. She may think she's at peace, but there's always room for doubt. So show her something new. Problem is, you can't change for her, you have to change for you. Otherwise it isn't authentic. Who did she fall in love with? Why? Are you still that person or have you changed?
Pretty impressive weight loss! I know how it is - I lost 40 lbs in the first 2 months, down from 34 to 31. None of my clothes fit and I can only afford to buy so many new things. Oh well, I feel pretty good - imagine you do to.
I know what you mean about psyching yourself out. I keep thinking I've reached a good spot and then the next wave comes. But it does get easier. Keep active, keep yourself occupied, and most of all, concentrate on making YOURSELF happy - the rest follows.
Oh lol I should have clarified. From the first few weeks of talking to her and being a clingy moron. She specifically stated that people the W has talked to have all told her good call on the D. Of course people can think what they want and she can as well.
Frankly I just want a peaceful nights rest atm. I hate this waking up in the middle of the night stuff. It is killing my beauty sleep :P. I am sure it will get better as time goes on but man. For her to talk to me like nothing is wrong. Ya that just kills me.
