Hi and welcome. I love when the DB fellows get together to offer help. Just wanted to give you a big kudos for keeping yourself together as a father, your kids need your dearly right now. You are their rock, their consistent parent.
I think you are right on track. I love what you said about the bed, and yes, stay there. And Puppy Dog is soooo right about the family money. And good job on the boundaries of phone calls in the house. Amazing they don't see the disrespect there.
So sorry this happened to you but you have a found a lot of support here.
Dan, I've been thinking since last night and I'm not sure what to do if you can't find out anything about the GF. I still think she's the best exposure candidate.
If you can ever get any kind of info like a name and you need the name of a fairly cheap PI, let me know. There's a guy I used in Va who only charged me $135 to do a basic search to find OMW's home address. I know a full blown PI can get pricey, but this guy will do searches for you over the phone and fax/email you the info.
Thanks for the offer, Hope4us. I will snoop around a little more to see if the GF's name is written down anywhere. Once I get a hold of it, I'll let you know.
Hi and welcome. I love when the DB fellows get together to offer help. Just wanted to give you a big kudos for keeping yourself together as a father, your kids need your dearly right now. You are their rock, their consistent parent.
I think you are right on track. I love what you said about the bed, and yes, stay there. And Puppy Dog is soooo right about the family money. And good job on the boundaries of phone calls in the house. Amazing they don't see the disrespect there.
So sorry this happened to you but you have a found a lot of support here.
Thanks for the welcome. Yes, it's unfortunate we are all here but this is a great forum to vent and find a lot of support and good advice.
I forgot to add one little detail about the day we had the discussion about the marital bed and her new responsibilities. Earlier in the day, she called me to let me know that she did well in her test but it wasn't enough for her to go on with her course (she did poorly earlier in the semester with her other tests). She told me she was sorry. I told her she didn't have to be and that I knew she tried her best (I resisted mentioning anything about her affair, which I'm sure was a major distraction. I also like to think that her flunking was a natural consequence of her cheating). She quipped about how I should be happy because she won't be around the OM any longer. Then she added, "well, sort of." I said, "Well, that's true, but it's really up to you. He still lives in the area."
What I really wanted to say is, "Well, it's true I'll be happy. But you should also not want to be around him if you want to move forward with our marriage." Of course, I didn't say it because 1) she hasn't expressed any desire to work on our marriage and 2) her out-of-town trip with the OM this weekend is still going on as scheduled.
Yesterday, after coming back from her class (she still needs to attend the last couple of sessions in order to earn full credit), she invited me to the room to watch a dvd she rented for us to watch. While we were watching I dropped a couple of "truth darts" (something I learned from this board!). I started off by saying, "You know my love and our kids' love for you is pure, right?" She looked me in the eyes, looked away and said, "I know." She then said, "don't tell me these things." I think I her eyes watered a little bit at this point.
A bit later, after discussing how she'll miss our kids' performance in the Easter play this Sunday because of her trip, I asked her, "Do you picture yourself going to one of your sons' college graduations with another man by your side?" She responded, "I don't. I honestly don't."
One thing led to another and we got intimate (fyi, protection was used). Earlier today before leaving for class, she said, "Umm," then paused, and said, "Never mind." I said, "What?" She says, "I shouldn't be telling you this but last night was nice." And it was. Did I play into her cake-eating? Maybe. But one thing's for sure: her trip this weekend still goes on as scheduled. Aaargh!
I'm holding up surprisingly well while my wife is out-of-town with the OM. She left before 5 a.m. They're supposedly with 2 other couples, all his friends. I started off the day with a heartfelt prayer to the Lord and some Scripture reading (Book of Job!).
In the afternoon, I brought my kids to a birthday party at a local swim park. She texted asking how we were and to tell the kids she loves them. I went ahead and told the kids but I didn't have the chance to text her back.
She called later on but I didn't hear the ring. I'm debating whether to call her back or not. She comes back tomorrow morning.
Spoke with my C briefly today. Told him that I feel my WW has crossed many lines. In addition to this trip, last night she made out with one of her female classmates. Yes, my wife was bi-sexual before we got married. And she also told me she's been having "dirty-text" with the married brother of a classmate whom she met during one of her nights out with her classmates. She's just out of control. I asked the C what he thinks of me telling her to live someplace else. The kids and I can't be exposed to this kind of lifestyle any longer. The C says if I feel she's crossed a line then I have every right to insist she live somewhere else.
I'm trying to formulate what to tell her. Any suggestions?
I am with you - I don't think your kids need to be exposed to any of that. Can you get her to move out? (Without you paying for it?)
On the calling her back question - I say don't do it. She is on a trip with OM. Why should you give her ANYTHING in return. She is rubbing it in your face... sorry to be so blunt, but it makes me angry at her for you.
Yeah, I didn't return the call yesterday. She called while we were at church this morning. She asked whether the kids asked for her. They didn't and that's the truth. I suppose they're so used to their mom not being around. She said she was sad. I said maybe they think she just went to work or something (she used to work graveyard shift). I probably shouldn't have told her that and make her wallow in guilt.
An interesting development came in the afternoon. After church I took the kids to watch "Horton Hears a Who." I got a call from my wife while in the theater but I didn't answer it. After the movie, I listened to her message but it was from a female who found her phone. I called the phone. The lady says she called me, her husband, to let me know that she has my wife's phone. She found it along a trail (my wife, the OM and their party went to a popular destination with hiking trails). She says she called a number from the address book and the person told her to call me, her husband. I told her I wasn't with her. She says she was going to just leave the phone at the visitor's center. I said okay and hung up.
I called back after a few minutes. The lady stranger still had the phone. I told her to look up the OM's name and call him because she's with him. I could not believe I had to do that!
Quick update: she just called and says she's on her way home (she's a couple of hours away). She mentioned she lost her phone. I said I know. I told her what happened. She says the visitor's center was already closed when they went back. I asked whose phone she was using, she said she's using the OM's phone. I told her I didn't want to talk to her and hung up.
