Thank you all for the support and kind words it really means a lot.
I need to qualify one statement I made in my last post. When I said I wasn't man enough to reconcile with my STBXW what I meant was that I was man enough to see that there were a series of deal breakers that happened during this that finally dawned on me, her infidelity being the least of them. The incredible pain and emotional abuse she applied to my children is probably on the very top of the list, I am an absolute animal when it comes to messing with my kids and I will let no one cause them harm emotionally or otherwise least of all their mother. If there was any faint hope for R after I had made my decision it was lost due to her becoming pregnant, I know it sounds selfish but at 41 there is no way in hell that I want to have a baby around especially one that isn't mine and one that may have issues due to the mothers behavior during the first 4 months of pregnancy. I wish that child the best but I will neither help it or hinder it in his/ her life.
Originally Posted By: brandnewday
I do think it is wonderful that you have moved on and are doing so well.
I still find it incredibly sad that your wife has hit rock bottom and you are not gong to be able to be there for her anymore.
It is true what they say though, most of the real crazy whackos do come out of the fog eventually and try and find their way home.
But it will always be up to the LBS whether or not to take them back.
Lawless, even though your wife has done a great deal of damage, please try and extend some kindness to her, I feel terribly sorry for the poor Woman.
((((((hugs)))))))
BND,
It is incredibly sad, hell this would make for a really tragic movie. As bad as she was I am happy to say I have forgiven her for what she's done. I know it's not up to me to exact revenge and make her pay for what she's done so I have put those thoughts away and we exist as two individuals who are in the business of raising kids.
I am trying hard to be as kind as possible during her reconnection but I am having to balance that with accountability and not becoming a door mat. She is months behind on CS and I am making her accountable for it, she has recently been trying to change the rules laid out in our LS and I have been enforcing those boundary's. I told her just yesterday that she was welcome to participate in the decisions regarding the children however she was to take no part in any financial matters regarding the kids, that responsibility became mine and mine alone quite some time ago, I told her she was welcome to spend any other money aside from CS as she sees fit but she will pay the full amount and she will pay what's owed to the kids by Christmas.
I have allowed her some minor freedoms with the kids and my home, I have offered her some things she could use for her new baby, I am polite and courteous in our interactions as well as friendly although I will never be her friend. I am trying to avoid feeling sorry for her and am working hard to NOT fix her mess, thats up to her to accomplish. I truly hope she can do the hard work within herself to heal and once again become a decent person as she once was.
You can't erase 20 years of history but you can get over it one day at a time.
Since everyone likes to post lyrics that mean something to them here's mine, they seem to fit so well these days and the title suits STBXW to a T.
Victim Of Changes (Judas Priest 1976)
Whiskey woman don't you know that you are drivin' me insane The liquor you give stems your will to live and gets right to my brain Don't you know you're driving me insane You're tryin' to find your way through life You're tryin' to get some new direction Another woman got her man She won't find no new connection
Takes another drink or two, things look better when she's through
Takes another look around, you're not goin' anywhere You've realized you're gettin' old and no one seems to care You're tryin' to find your way again You're tryin' to find some new... Another woman's got her man But she won't find a new...
Takes another drink or two, things look better when she's through
You 'bin foolin' with some hot guy I want to know why is it why Get up get out you know you really blew it I've had enough, I've had enough, good God pluck me
Once she was wonderful Once she was fine Once she was beautiful Once she was mine...she was mine
Now change has come over her body, she doesn't see me anymore Now change has come over her body, she doesn't see me anymore
Changes, changes, changes, changes Victim of changes
I guess this thread is a little old but, I for one can understand some of the pain you have gone through.
My WAW got pregnant by OM too.
That was about a year ago.
She actually came to me though for help. I ended up watching our kids (S9 and S5) while she went and terminated. A very difficult time. I thought that that would bring us together but a week later she was back with OM.
I've been on this ride since Aug. 06. Not fun. I've felt like giving up numerous times and I've been burned many times when things looked like we could reconcile. Alas, she still has contact with OM.
I'm just trying to be patient and work on myself. Restraint is the hardest thing. I've had so many setbacks, each time I feel like I have to start all over again. That's where I am right now. Starting over again.
I have to post to a forgotten thread but nevermind it's time for an update anyway.
Sooooo,
These days STBXW is now offically XW, The D was last week. There was no fanfare it simply just happened, probably better for both of us I guess.
I've done a few things for me one being XW is no longer allowed in MY house, this happened because one night long ago as she was here to see the kids she also held a baby shower under my roof. That was it I told her she will pick the kids up and take them to her house (rathole). The kids are around OM these days when she has visitation but I keep a very close eye on that. She shows no sign at all of leaving OM and she is still supporting OM as well. I am in the process of recovering over 6 thousand in back support, I will win this fight and when I do it will probably finish her, she will lose everything that was MLC important to her.
My kids are adjusting pretty good, I've had issues with her calling in sick on visit days (which crushes the kids) I've told her I will track her down and force the visitation, that seemed to straighten her out for now.
As for me I am embracing being single, I got into an R back in June and we are still together so far. After going through this MLC as a LBS it changes everything. I am seeing MLC everywhere I look including my new R, I did a little IC and I was told this is normal for me to feel this way. I can't wait till I can work through this crap and become whole again if I ever can. This stuff takes it's toll and the working on yourself never stops. If anything I am a much better person for what I have had to endure and it shows.
A funny side note to this is today at the exchange of the kids XW decided to bring them out wearing a leapord print set of daisy dukes and a halter, all in 40 degree weather. OH and I could tell it was cold as she was wearing no bra.
Whatever it was it fell on deaf eyes, it stirred no emotion what so ever.
