What do you think their conversations will be like after exposure to the GF? I guarantee they won't be the fun, carefree conversations they're having now. And that's when the affair falls apart, when the real world get's involved.
It makes them face reality and realise that the whole thing is going nowhere......painfully.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Affairs are fantasy, nothing more. Like I've read elsewhere, expose the affairees and they'll scatter like cockroaches under a rock when the light hits them.
Part of what makes an affair attractive is that the everyday problems of a REAL relationship aren't there. Do you think people in an affair fart in front of each other (ok, maybe a little too graphic, but true)? People in affairs don't have to pay bills, clean the house, get up with a sick kid at 2 am, worry about the price of gas, nothing. Exposure brings reality to the surface.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Do you know their address? Send her a certified letter that only she can sign for. Return receipt requested so you know if she got it or not. This is what I did because the OMW in my case lives 1000 miles away and only has a cell phone that I couldn't find the # for.
Thanks for the suggestion. Unfortunately, I do not have the GF's address. I'm limited to do sleuthing with what's at my disposal (email, text, phone records) but since my wife hasn't contacted her I have no way of knowing. I haven't resorted to hiring a PI. I'm even glad that my wife admitted her affair before I could fork out money to hire a PI.
Just as a clarification, the GF does not live with the OM. The GF has a SO (not married) but is seeing the OM on the side. (It's all convoluted. These adulterers are living messed up lives.)
So the GF is cheating on her SO with your wife's OM who is cheating on GF with your wife?
Man, I don't even know how to respond. Let me think on that one a bit. Got to run to get a haircut. Probably won't respond til tomorrow as my WW will be home with DS19 soon.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Is OM's OGF on the course with your W? If so you could try contacting her through the school/ college and tell her you would like to talk to her significant other - or tell OM you are going to try to contact OGF's significant other to put him in the picture too. Just a thought?
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
So the GF is cheating on her SO with your wife's OM who is cheating on GF with your wife?
Yes, it's seriously convoluted.
Originally Posted By: saffie
Is OM's OGF on the course with your W? If so you could try contacting her through the school/ college and tell her you would like to talk to her significant other - or tell OM you are going to try to contact OGF's significant other to put him in the picture too. Just a thought?
The OM's OGF does not go to school with them. My wife mentioned that she has her contact information somewhere but I already checked her phone and computer's address book but I did not find it. I do know her first name. Getting a hold of the rest of her info would be good ammo at this point. I just don't know where to look.
So the GF is cheating on her SO with your wife's OM who is cheating on GF with your wife?
Yes, it's seriously convoluted.
So what happens is when the GF is spending time with her SO that is when my wife is over at the OM's house. When the GF is with the OM, my wife is here at home or out with her other classmates.
Originally Posted By: danthelion Originally Posted By: Hope4us So the GF is cheating on her SO with your wife's OM who is cheating on GF with your wife?
Yes, it's seriously convoluted.
So what happens is when the GF is spending time with her SO that is when my wife is over at the OM's house. When the GF is with the OM, my wife is here at home or out with her other classmates.
Gee, I just love it when a plan comes together.
(sorry)
So, what are you going to do about the situation, Dan?
Dan, I've been thinking since last night and I'm not sure what to do if you can't find out anything about the GF. I still think she's the best exposure candidate.
If you can ever get any kind of info like a name and you need the name of a fairly cheap PI, let me know. There's a guy I used in Va who only charged me $135 to do a basic search to find OMW's home address. I know a full blown PI can get pricey, but this guy will do searches for you over the phone and fax/email you the info.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
You shouldn't be doing anything that compromises yourself. Giving up the bed is a great example. You shouldn't sacrifice just because she is the cheater. Also, how is she going out of town this weekend? Is she using marital money? You should be refusing to pay for ANYTHING that is enabling the affair.
Update:
I told her last night that I will not be giving up the marital bed. I told her she abandoned the marriage and I won't be the one to move. She says she may just move out (to her father's other house). When I told her she will need to start getting the kids ready in the morning she says, well, she'll have to stay at our current house then.
As for the trip, I asked who's paying for it and she says the OM is (how could she pay for it when we're low on funds, she says).
I read your story, btw, DMB. It's quite inspiring!
