Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE Triangular Theory of Love

Not fearless, but if you've spent any time reading my posts, you know the premium I place on passion.

Even so, when I lock into the zone with my writing, or I attend a *really* superior live concert, or climb up above the treeline and look out over the entire Cascade range, or get heeled over good, fighting the tiller in a 25 knot wind ... it's at least as good as a hot makeout session. The chemical rush. If not better. And I'm a kissing junkie.

You take your passion where you can find it; the more sources, the merrier. Why limit yourself to the pleasure another human can provide?

Kettricken:

I can say that I have NEVER experienced any activity in life that topped or equaled the touch of a desirous women.

That's sad. I would say (without in anyway being qualified to make such a judgement) that you might be a sex addict. It is quite possible. What exudes from your every post is your absolute obsession with it and total inability to see that anything else in life could possibly match good sex. I think most people, even HD people, can get a buzz out of other things.

Does this sound like you:

"Sex can become addictive in a similar way to alcohol and illegal drugs. During sex, our bodies release a powerful cocktail of chemicals that make us feel good. Some people get addicted to these chemicals and become obsessed with getting their next fix - their next sexual high. As with other addictions, the body also gets used to these chemicals, so the sufferer needs increasing amounts of sex to achieve the same buzz. "

People commonly discover in treatment that the behaviour has been used to anaesthetize some or all of the following—

Chronic low self worth
Depression
Anxiety / Stress at home or work
Anger
Core loneliness
Boredom
Problems and bad feelings in the marriage or partnership
Shame and guilt

Any of that sound like you?

I think because of your devout religious beliefs you are saved from some of the worse aspects such as high-risk sex, use of prostitutes etc (unless there's stuff you're not telling us). But I also think you exhibit some of the signs of a "dry drunk". This is a term for alcoholics who are not drinking but who still resent not being able to drink and obsess about it.

Here are some of the traits of a dry drunk (or any recovering addict who is no longer using but has not come to terms with it)

Exaggerated self-importance and pomposity
Grandiose behavior
A rigid, judgmental outlook
Impatience
Childish behavior
Irresponsible behavior
Irrational rationalization
Projection
Overreaction


I think if you do have any of the above characteristics it would be extremely difficult to see them in yourself.


I'm not painting you as having these characteristics Cemar - I really don't know you well enough to do so. I just put the information here for you to look at if it has any relevance.


Fran

Haphazard:

I think most people, even HD people, can get a buzz out of other things. I agree.

What exudes from your every post is your absolute obsession with it and total inability to see that anything else in life could possibly match good sex.

Actually, I am not looking for good sex. Good sex will be the result of what I am looking for. The goal is DESIRE, it is never sex.

Don't most people want to feel desired? Why would you want to go through life without it?

I dare you to send MrsCemar to this forum, cemar. I would LOVE to hear her side of things.

I agree that consistent sex w/o reciprocal desire = crap sex and just isn't worth it.

However, I am amazed at the level of masochism that must drive you ... to peg your entire sense of fulfillment in life to something (your wife's desire) which you have absolutely zero control over.....

Is that what you WANT??? To be eternally enslaved to her?

Butting in here as an ocasional lurker/poster.

The statement what else in life can make a man that happy IMHO is the key.

Unless a man is happy within himself and without anyone he can and will never be really happy because he is relying on someone else to GIVE him his sense of self.

By expecting your W to desire you in order to feel really happy you truly never will be cemar...never.

Its not about the lack of desire here or the great sex its way more deep IMHO.

I both love AND desire my H....its wonderful that he feels that way about me too.

However there are many other things that give me EQUAL pleasure in life itself.

shmagic

Hey I just wanted to let everyone know that an amazing thing happened just a few minutes ago! I . . . hello? Hello? Is this thing on?

I feel like Charlton Heston in "Omega Man" or, for the younger set, Will Smith in "I Am Legend."

I suppose I could be Charlton Heston in "Soylent Green," snacking on some tasty lil' crackers, or chocolate covered eyeballs, or apple corris or...OMG...they're PEOPLE!

Hairdog, who's not banned yet.

Or you could be Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes.

Which I guess would make sgctxok a damn, dirty ape.

Paul, probably soon to be banned.

Harold,

I think someone set off a neutron bomb. It vaporized all of the posters, but left an empty forum standing.

I was hoping someday soon, once I finally break my streak, I could announce my good fortune here so you could reply, "Lucky Ba$$tard." Oh well, I suppose that I will have to celebrate any good sexual fortune with my immediate family instead of bragging on a message bored. Or maybe I'll find somewhere else to lurk.

If anyone finds out where everyone went, please email me at toeknee dot shins at gmail dot com.

It was nice reading everyone's intelligent, deep, humorous, supportive thoughts.

SM