Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis CAGZ new YEAR - (meredith your 5 years motivated)

That is messed up...I once told my H last time to tell the OW to back off! He later told me that it was him doing the pursuing, not her. My anger comes from thinking that the OW should be woman enough to tell the married man she doesnt want him. Why cant they just tell them that? My H actually told the OW that if down the road it didnt work out with them, that he would probably then try to work things out with me! That is what is messed up!!

So, what do we do about it?

Good going Cagzmom...seems like you have a handle on your addiction....I need to use the same approach to my H and to food!!!

Take Care!!

ha - like i have a handle on it.

Right now I am pissed at me. Just ridiculous!! If I were watching this - and it was my friend I wouldn't know what to do anymore.

S19 last night--- I said are you sick of hearing about it? He said No - just wish you would stop doing stuff that you know will hurt you in the long run... made me think.

YOu seem like your doing good Kissak. I understand your thoughts/feelings etc.

Trusting amazes me - she just continues forward. That is what I want to do. And all the people that have made it through to the other side of letting go. I want to be like them.

My mom asked me today "are you happy?" I said Mom I haven't been happy in so long....wierd concept.

Cagz....we will be happy again...we will be...you just wait!!!

I just realized something on the way home.

H-isn't changing. Long list of how he is the same if not worse. BUT here is the turn....I realized today that I GOT THE BEST of him...the best YEARS of him. I know it sounds dumb but it made me smile....can he have a great life --?? sure! but he is doing NOTHING to help himself...the downward spiral of emptiness and lonliness it is there - and it will always be there unless he chooses to get through and see himself- face whatever it is and grow! And he may - at this point I dont know if he ever will. BUT I got the best of him - and that makes me happy.

AND ME?? I am becoming the best me yet and he isn't going to share that. AND THAT is sad. NOT for me -- for him. I was pretty ok in our marriage--- but had baggage. I AM DEALING with the baggage. I AM GROWING, changing...and am becoming the person God intended for me to be...and actually ME- I LIKE. IT is sad that he doesn't want to try and be with this person. BUT IT ISNT MY PROBLEM. Love/Care all that stuff of course...I am loyal like that. BUT knowing that - looking back at it...he gave me what he could -and it was the best of him emotionally, physically all of it.

For some reason this feels like another layer of freedom. AND I LIKE IT!

and where are you all???????????????/

They have alll been taken by the aliens!! We are the only ones left!!

Hope you are doing ok today.....

ha!! I was wondering ---- actually kissak we used to be the aliens...we are turning into the strong ones..wooot wooot!!

Hi Cagz!

Well, I can tell you that Meredith is so swamped at work that she will probably have to work on Easter (!) so that has prevented her from visiting the board. She won't open it because she would be tempted to write and she is simply too busy.

As for me, I am watching you grow, and I see you and TP supporting each other and I guess I don't have a lot to add. You are doing so well. I know it is hard, but I can see that you will eventually be on this side telling a newbie that there is happiness in life again.

I have a hard time posting because my own sitch is so weird. My H and I are closer than ever. I don't think I have felt this good about us in years upon years. That makes it harder for me to write about letting go, oddly enough. It is true that I only got to this place with him because I let go, but I find that I fear bringing up my own situation in case I would be giving someone false hope that if they let go they can get their H back! The fake letting go doesn't work. I know, I did that accelerated version of trying to get my H back! He saw right through it.

I was so scared to let go because part of me knew that if I did I had a good chance of not only outgrowing my H, but also finally realizing that I deserved better. I know that probably sounds crazy, but I was so afraid of coming to that conclusion. I didn't want it to be over, even though I can look back and see I wasn't happy in the marriage.

The funny thing is that in letting go I found new things about both my H and I that I love even more. I am most proud of getting to the place of being able to look at him and say, "I love you enough to want you to be happy, even if that doesn't include me." That was a tough thing for me. REALLY TOUGH. Oh, and he knew it. He felt like I was holding him hostage. How much do you suppose that made him want to be around me?

Cagz, this is such a departure from who I once was. The old me would have gladly held him hostage if it meant my life didn't have to change and people didn't need to know that my H didn't love me. I am really ashamed to admit that, but it is true.

So, in yet another answer to your question, I am quiet because I have a lot to process lately. Mostly though, it is because of the fact that you are a quick study and really "getting" this.

Hows that for a longwinded post?

z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z...huh...what...did somebody say something!!!!

Hi kids. Hope you are all doing well.

CMNM....how do you really let go though? I dont know if I am or not....I would love to tell my H that I want him to be happy whether it is with me or not....I feel like he probably thinks that I am holding him hostage....how can I say i have let him go and really mean it...it breaks my heart to even think about letting him completly go.