JL..I don't know what to say about the drifting..I do know that we can't change any of that as far as our h are concerned...I spent several months a year ago March making myself physically sick wondering what I will do if he leaves, what if he is having an a, all the horrible feelings.I thought things were better all summer..yet I knew they really were not..my h was sure that he had to leave in order for us/him to find what he needed...I did not plant flowers last year..I moped around wondering what was going to happen..then I woke up and decided I will survive even if the m falls apart...it still scares the *ell out of me to think I may still end up d..but things have so improved since he moved...because he feels better, I feel better..we are doing things apart from each other that we have never taken the time to do...finding ourselves that got lost in our years of parenting and putting family/kids first.
My advice to any newly m couples would be to let each other have their own interests..but make time for each other.
Jackie..I know the weight thing too well..am trying to lose some more..but can't seem to stick to it..it goes on so fast..but try to lose 1 pound and you would think you were deprived!!! I have so many people ask why I am so patient..why not give him a date to make up his mind..they don't understand..and I am tired of trying to explain and I don't really have to anyways!!
Good day to all...went to church picnic..did not seek h out to hang with him...or sit with him...I am sure there are people there that wonder what is up..anyway..there was a short program and we were sitting in chairs under some trees..when I took mine I did not see h, as I knew he was going to be singing, so I sat with some other ladies when I had turned around he was in the back with his mom and sister and I thought how sad that other couples are sitting togehter and I don't have that, but oh well we really are not a couple right now.After they sang he went back and sat down, and I felt someones feet on the back of my chair, but paid not attention..when I did kinda turn, there he was right behind me!!!I said and I touched his knee, "Oh, I did not know you were back there", he just smiled and said "yes". So what do you make of this..I try not to pursue and be clingy, yet I feel sad when we aren't a couple..do you suppose he comes around me because he doesn't want others to wonder too much?? OR could he be coming around me because of me??Such things for me to ponder.Come to think about it when I got to church this morning and was standing by him talking to someone, the shirt I had on had a collar that was turned up and he reached and fixed it for me.Funny how we remember and realize such little things..I am not sure in the past if he would have done that, he might have said your collar is bent.Again..little things..big steps...
Have a great week ahead...it is suppose to be hot in Illinois this week..can't complain we wanted nice weather.
Pg 4!!!a first for me...nothing much going on..at my sad times I think is this what I have to look forward to..nothing really happening..one way or another..then I tell myself that there are pluses..there are baby steps forward..certainly not backwards. Each time h calls me, or makes a point to come to me is a step. I took the plunge and called him tonight to see if he wanted to go eat with just me..no kids..he seemd to hesitate..maybe I was imagining it..but he said yes..I waited about a half hour(I tend to get impatient) thought he was regretting saying yes, expected a phone call backing out..but he came..we ended going to where dd works and she took a break and sat with us..so we were not alone. I don't think I will ask him again..I need to have him make a move, I can't always be the one asking. On the way there I told him I had a dream about him..he said "What was I doing"..I said "f****** me"! He just laughed..I said "you asked me" he said"you brought it up first". I feel so lonely sometimes..I am lucky in that my kids still live here, but are gone alot..if I had totaly been alone I would have gone crazy...maybe..that is osmething I have to keep working on..entertaining myself with me things.
Quote: I took the plunge and called him tonight to see if he wanted to go eat with just me..no kids..I don't think I will ask him again..I need to have him make a move, I can't always be the one asking.
Good day Sue, Sue, do I hear a bolder Sue coming out?! I'm still glad to see you take the initiative to ask. Every now and again, you need to put a toe in the water to check if there is any change. I'm sorry to hear the pace is still just inching along, but you are right ... it is still progress being made.
Sue, you had mentioned being part of video club, perhaps is time to start expanding your social circle some more. Any other clubs you might be interested in joining? Maybe attend some penny socials or start up a ladies night one day a week. If you start filling up your time with activities that don't involve H, he might see it as you are moving more towards a life without him and may start him rethinking just how long you may wait around for him. I know ... this is the pot calling the kettle black here, but I too am starting to work on this).
He said yes to dinner---he has the ability to say no. Rejoice in that, he chose to be with you that evening.
Hesitation or not, he seems to want to be with you, I'd keep asking him out at appropriate intervals, eventually he'll start expecting them and maybe the intervals will be too long for him.
Wish I had suggestions on not going crazy, but thought KAW had some.
I know I must keep doing things for me, but I fall back into the "I want to be with him thing"...I have joined a book club..I bought a new bike..am going to go riding with some friends from work..so I have definately expanded my social life from a few years back. I have always wanted a 4th of July picnic..so I thought with or without h, I was going to have one, ask some friends from church, family..I asked him if he would like to have one and he was really excited about it..I also said I have always wanted to have a Halloween party..he said "you're on your own there..you know I don't dress up".Thats still a ways away...
Kaw.. when you say maybe if he sees I don't need him as much..he will rethink it..I know from the past few months that letting someone have the space they have asked for is a sure benefit..my mindset still says if he sees me happy without him, that it will be that much easier to make the break..IF that is what he is leaning towards..on the other hand maybe he sees me being cool and doesn't think I want to be with him...I am not sure..you would think being with someone that long that I would know what he thinks.. Today is his birthday and after a golf/dinner he mentioned some people going to local pub for drink..but did he ask me..no..and on the way home I felt so hurt..then I said let it go..you don't always have to be with him for social events..yet some of the others are h/w and that is probably what really hurts me the most, is seeing them wanting to be together. I'll get over it after a good cry... JAckie..I know he did have the choice, and in the past he mentioned that he always felt like he had to do what I wanted...that seems to be one thing he has changed and that is good...so I reassure myself that he would say no. I guess all the way around he would be distancing himself more and more if he really felt that this m is over. To be leading me on would be more devastating then to ignore me, and he really is not like that.
So, I guess I'll get some wine...and a slutty book and enjoy myself..alone!!!! HAve a great night
Quote: you would think being with someone that long that I would know what he thinks..
LOL! No kidding!!! Sorry...that really struck me as being funny. I think I'm punchy 'cuz it's late...
Sue, you know, unless I'm totally missing something, it seems to me from your posts that your H is a good man. He's going through some of the same junk that the rest of our Ses are going through (MLC...whatever), but he hasn't gone off the deep end like most of them. There do seem to be little signs that he's still "with" you in some ways. I think it's like you said, providing that space is beneficial...and hopefully it will lead him back home.
I know for my W, it took her a while to come around because she was involved with the OM. I know she tried to evaluate things, think things through, attempt to really look at our sitch...but alas, the A clouded her thoughts. This doesn't seem to be the case with your H. I can only imagine that the space you are giving him is providing him the opportunity for this self-evaluation.
Things seem to be okay for you. Like you I am getting braver and asking H for things I want. Like you when I get a little I want it all.
I could have written about the Bday. H bday killed me. I cried all day. Knew he was going to lunch with employees. Dinner w Son. I hope the wine and the book were good.
I guess we have things a little better as we don't have full blown A with OW. They want to be alone away from us.
Like you I wonder does he miss me, does he think of me, remember things we did or is his new life filling in those gaps. I drive myself nuts.
Jethro..Dotto...your kind words bring me back to a calmer state..funny how just a little response..anything...can ground me. I know for sure the hormones are kicking in my feelings of sadness, unloved bla bla bla...I sure hope menopause is not like this only 24/7!!!!
You are right, Jethro he has not gone off the deep end..as I have read and reread here, I feel like maybe I don't belong here..then I wake up..h did not have an a..although many things pointed me to that..he had something with this ff..not an ea or pa..so I am not sure what kind of "A" it would be..maybe a "I got sucked in by a needy, weak b*tch, who loves to hang on men, even if married, A".
Dotto..thanks for stopping by..I did enjoy the wine.. but never started the book. H and I just got back from ER, dd cut her finger at work, and we thought it might need stitches..it did..4. I am so weak that I asked him to go along, I can't handle those things with my kids..at first when I picked him up, he seemed disgusted, but I let it go. He started telling me about the church conference he went to today..also made mention about talking with some of the people after the picnic last night..I did not ask if they went up to local pub..my guess is they did..I let that go too.Why should I think he would want to be with me on his birthday???Cause I don't want to feel rejected.
I hope things are still going smooth for you..I will have to e-mail you.I am no good at that or phones. But I do think of you often, I picture you on a front porch at your cottage, sipping wine or lemonade, reading a good book!!!I have read too many romances.
sorry to hear of dd's finger...hope it doesn't keep her from enjoying the summer.
Quote: I feel like maybe I don't belong here..then I wake up..h did not have an a..although many things pointed me to that..he had something with this ff..not an ea or pa..so I am not sure what kind of "A" it would be..maybe a "I got sucked in by a needy, weak b*tch, who loves to hang on men, even if married, A
I'd call it an ea...an open ea (in that he didn't hide it from you) but an ea none the less..."a needy, weak, biatch" is the same type that my h got sucked in by oh well...
things do sound like they are going ok for you...h seems talkative..sharing...etc...
I know it isn't easy...
your last post mentions some new hobbies your taking up...excellent!!!
the party for the 4th is great too!! and glad to hear h was open to it as well!
I'm still glad to see you take the initiative to ask. 
Every now and again, you need to put a toe in the water to check if there is any change. I'm sorry to hear the pace is still just inching along, but you are right ... it is still progress being made. 
Sorry...that really struck me as being funny. I think I'm punchy 'cuz it's late...