Frank it isn't YOU she's pissed at as much as it is that SHE doesn't have the means to support herself right now and the precise reason she treats you like crap, in spite of all her warm and fuzzy spirit talk that seems to apply to her interactions with everyone EXCEPT her family, is because everything she's surrounding herself with IS A LIE.
I can tell you - from my experience solely as a MLCer - forget that I am a believer for the moment - when she is being mean, snotty, short...with you...it's because SHE is realizing that SHE can't afford to take care of herself, which she so wants. She is realizing WASTED TIME. This is good thing for her OVERALL if she one day lets it be. This is a part of the process that IS INDEPENDANT of you, so stop making everything out to BE ABOUT YOU - just stop it.
Get over yourself, Frank.
You finances didn't go tits up by your hand alone.
She could have dragged her head out of the clouds YEARS AGO and got a real job.
GET OVER YOURSELF.
50-50 Frank.
There is no getting around it so STOP TRYING TO CARRY HER HALF as if she were a child.
You're facing a similar version of what FIB is facing now. His wife is a bit more violently vocal right now, but you're both being put through the wringer, just in different ways.
The danger here of course is that, when faced with such an onslaught (whether explicit or implicit), you begin to buy in to the bs that's being flung around. FIB can't afford to do that now, and neither can you. You start to buy in to that crap and the next thing you know you're making them out to be the hero in this mess.
You were better off with the anger quite frankly.
The Divorce Care group sounds like a really good idea. You NEED another person who can relate to what you're dealing with and who is physically available. Trust me, we have your back from a distance.
I hate cliches. Just wanted to be clear on that before I fling one at you regarding the purchase of the book. Every truly significant journey in your life begins by taking the first step. Just remember, when it comes to matters of faith, the operative word there is "faith."
Put the relationship to rest and work in the areas that you CAN make a difference in. I'm thinking a) a whole and healthy Frank, b) two wonderful girls who know he loves them, and c) taking care of business the way Frank knows how. Hopefully you find some time to send this entire matter to God as well (that would be d)).
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Frank it isn't YOU she's pissed at as much as it is that SHE doesn't have the means to support herself right now and the precise reason she treats you like crap, in spite of all her warm and fuzzy spirit talk that seems to apply to her interactions with everyone EXCEPT her family, is because everything she's surrounding herself with IS A LIE.
Yes, I see that it is a lie.
Quote:
You finances didn't go tits up by your hand alone.
She could have dragged her head out of the clouds YEARS AGO and got a real job.
GET OVER YOURSELF.
50-50 Frank.
There is no getting around it so STOP TRYING TO CARRY HER HALF as if she were a child.
For me, it's the 'trust' thing. I feel like she 'trusted' me to take care of us and when I couldn't, and worse I just lost myself, I didn't keep up my end of the 'bargain'.
I'm working on that. I know it's not all my fault. It's just hard sometimes.
I was unhappy with the way I looked. A co-worker offered to make me a running guide to get me jumpstarted. I followed it daily. He encouraged me daily. I was feeling good about myself. My husband .... asked me who I was losing weight for, who I was wearing this for or that for, etc. I was feeling GOOD about me.....and he was tearing me down.
All the while, he was talking to a woman at HIS job. I am the one who cheated "officially" but I can tell you that #1, if I had felt loved at home, I never would have strayed. If he had put ME first (instead of her), I would have continued to put him first. I did everything for him, and now that I'm outside of it, I see a LOT of things that cause me to wonder how I stuck it out so long.
You see, I get the "brunt" of the blame, mostly because I was honest about what I did. He still denies there was more with her. He now lives in a storage room in a basement he rents out - with her. He still talks to me about reconciling - while he's dating her.
I know that cheating is/was wrong - but looking back now, I think I would have done the same thing. I was in a place, I couldn't see it, but there was no way out. In my mind anyhow. And I like who I am now Frank. I don't take the full blame anymore, because it DID take two to get us where we were.
I should have told him how I felt MORE. He should have listened and put me first, instead of her.
Sorry that was windy
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
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