You know dar....a couple of weeks ago my H blew up at me....I didnt want to talk to him at all...he called my cell phone like 30 times! I didnt answer. He wouldnt leave a message at all. All I could think is that if he wanted to apologize to me, why couldnt he just leave a message telling me he was sorry for how he acted and just leave it at that. I would call him when I was ready.
Why not just call and leave him a message on his phone. Short, sweet and to the point. Im sure he knows that you need to blow up sometimes too. You are only human.
Take care and try not to worry so much about it. It will work itself out.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
BND!!! I know, I should have!!!! What am I doing BND? Why do I suck at this?!?!?!?!
You suck at this because you will not exercise self-control. Simple as that, Dar. I (and many others) have held your hand and walked you through this, step by step. You have the tools to do this. YOU just refuse to be a little more uncomfortable than usual sometimes and you blow. Then you regret it. Grow up. Wake up. Shut up. Ali's post was dead on. Someone can come along behind me with the warm fuzzies and make you feel better but Dar, sometimes it takes being face down with your nose scraped up on the pavement to finally understand that we FALL for no other reason than WE trip OURSELVES up. Expect more of yourself. Demand more of yourself. Start today.
If I'm late in my reply, I'm sorry. Keep it just the same....It'll be good reference for the next flip out, unless of course, you get a grip.
Okay, so back to square one then. I've got to think of goals for me right? In no particular order, just a daily/weekly thing to improve upon:
*Work on my scrapbook of D to get that totally caught up *Diet/Exercise to make a better me on the outside *Join a yoga or exercise class *End being angry/edgey all the time in order to have fun with D more and more *Become more saavy with money so I don't stress about that anymore.
Aren't I also supposed to have goals on what I'd like to START seeing with me and H? I thought I read that in the baby steps part of the book?
Hey Dar! I don't think I've posted to you before, although I do read your thread. I'll catch up and get more familiar over the weekend....
I really like your goals- have you got any ideas of what kind of exercise you might do? I've been learning to dance and am totally loving it!
I've also read in DR about setting small goals for the R, and then writing down the tiniest baby steps that would indicate a move towards the goal. Have you got any of those?
Originally Posted By: darboyd5
I don't know why I won't let myself try something different just because I'm a bit uncomfy about it.
I did send him an email apologizing for my behavior and he replied right back saying "don't worry about it at all. we'll talk this weekend".
It's great that H replied straight away and acknowledged the apology- really good! I wanted to quote the first part of this post though, and I am probably going to sound cliched here, but Dar, if you do the same thing you've always done, you'll get what you've always got. You want something different right? So decide, for yourself, that you will. That's all it takes- view yourself as the kind of brave person who will do whatever it takes to save their M. And do whatever it takes, even if it's a bit different and scary.
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
You suck at this because you will not exercise self-control.
Well...that was to the point.
I'd love it if you stopped talking with him, or hoping that he is going to have some sort of break through or change of heart in the next couple of times he does talk with you.
Yeah, baby steps, yup. It does say that in the book. It absolutely does. It also says that MLC is different. Two schools of thoughts here...you can either look toward babysteps in MLC which can take years to complete, or you can assume that those same babysteps are better looked for farther down the MLC course when reconcilliation is possible because the MLC is over.
Square one again Dar. Again. Self control, self restraint. You are not unique, you are not special, the standards and rules that work you should follow for that reason. I know, I know...but...
but nothing.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Hey Dar! Oh dear, I thikn that was a language issue there, I wasnt meaning to be hard on yo, I was trying to empathise! Sorry you found the word "needy" hard, I guess its shorthand for the way you seem to be with him..and you did say you need to stop being edgy and angry all the time to help your D, so maybe you are a bit needy else you wouldnt still be so daily affected by huim? Of course you love him..but,whatever you have been doing isnt working, so you NEED to do something different...its says that in the DB book too, try somethng for 4- 6 weeks (?) and monitor results ad if its not working, try another tack. So, try NC !
Whats this thing abot talking at the weekend then? Was that his idea? Is that an R talk, not a talk about D? Becuase if so, that sounds promising? Are you prepared for it? Are you ready to be quiet, to listen, to validate, all that stuff? With my first meeting with my BF after NC I posted alot for advice as I didnt know how to behave and really took the advice to heart and it went well at the time (but sadly no R talk).
So whats the talk going to be about, do you know? And where? At your house?
