Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Help, it seems my 35 year old wife is in MLC #12

Thanks. I agree with you and Jack. Hands off is the best way. Time is really on our side.

I just dropped the kids off and had a 10-15 minute chat with W. She is now saying that she hates the place where she lives (it is a dump) She even told me that they have problems with street fights outside. She says she wants to move but she doesn't want to rent, she wants to buy. I'll be surprised if she is able to, but I will let her explore that. She has wanted to move to the area that I am moving to and has wanted to for a long time. However she doesn't think she can afford it. Who knows how this will play out.

Hope you're enjoying your Easter.

Easter was really nice. Just washed a nearly 100 pound Golden with my D. He decided he wanted out of the tub when he was still soapy. He was scared when I picked him up and put him back. He is such a great dog!

The challenge with our Ws is to know when to help and when not to. I try to balance what I would do for any friend and just enough to what she seems open to. Her biggest "need" is to know she is able to handle things on her own.

Your W is sharing this with you which is great because she trusts you to know it without you coming to the rescue. I know you want to. I bet you would rather find her a place than hear she is in a bad neighborhood. But that is where we have to be hands off. Listen but try not to fix. Unless they directly ask us to fix something but even then it is a challenge whether we should or not.

Imageer, it could be a great place in a great neighborhood but in time it would be lacking because it is not going to make her happy.

I wonder is she is still doing the "I'll be happy when...." thing. Ie, she is not happy now so it must be that she is renting a dump rather than owning a nice house.

To me all roads have to lead to OW going away. She is probably getting a lot of validation for her actions from OW and bad friend and that doesn't help. I have a feeling that this is what you are seeing now. That validation has been removed from your W so she is drifting back to what is right.

My golden is sitting watching me type with a dumb look on his face.

I love goldens. They are just like kids.

The Ws will keep looking for validation for their choices and when they realize they are still not happy, they will not trust those giving them validation for the choices themselves. However, accepting the person and not their actions has much more believability in the long term.

Mine has no bigger joy in this world than hearing the words "Car Ride?"


I get the feeling that bad friend isn't in the picture as much any more. Although W did mention her the other day. I think most of the validating is coming from OW at this point. However, more and more when I talk to W see seems to be down so I don't think that is going so well either.

I got an email from W first thing today asking me for the name of my mrotgage broker so that she could check in to buying a house. It seems strange to me that suddenly she is hot to buy a house. I don't think that she can afford it but I have a funny feeling that her and OW are going to try and buy one together. I wonder how that would work.

I hope they have something in writing if they do.

Imageer, Hopefully, their moving in together and sharing a house will show them it just can't work out for them...

Grace, how true. I know I'm biased but the mere fact the OW has put herself in the middle of my family says to me that she is less than ethical. I'd hate to see my wife get left holding the bag or with a mess on her hands when OW decided to move on.


PH, I agree. It's a thought that has been on my mind ever since I heard that they are moving in together. The reality of sharing the responsibility, bills etc. can put stresses on any R not to mention an R based on a shaky foundation like theirs is.

I sold my house tongiht. Great but wandering around her by myself makes me miss my W to share the excitement with.