Quote: How's things?...sounds like you are having good days and bad days, but your H is still there. Sounds a lot like a functioning M. Perhaps some maintenance required but you're doing that. My guess is that things will work out in the end.
howdy jim,
nice to hear from ya!! ya it is a fantasy...but a better one would be to go there for the open house and just as she's giving a tour of the pool area to accidentally push her in...oooops!! but then as h said many months ago..she's in her own hell...(self inflicted!! )
yes, I have good days and bad...sometimes I know the route of the bad days and other times it's just a bad day.
h is working overload lately and it's starting to drive me mad...have to keep reminding myself that it's also driving him mad too...just that he is not as inclined to say so as often but when he does complain I thank him for doing so...I'd rather hear him piss and moan about being tired and working too much than have him keep those thoughts to himself leaving me to think he's happy to be away from me.
it is a fact that h works tooo much.... it was always fact to me that work came beofore I did... it was then fed to me that work came before me but that work was for me so it didn't really come before me..
anyway what am I getting at???
I think h works to much to have a "real" r with anyone!!
sure he and ow had a r...in their eyes it was real but it was a few min conversation here and there and a brief visit a few times a week....each having their own family and home to go to at the end of the day.
at least now h complains about working so much..for many reasons...his own stress...being away from home...being away from the kids..and on occassion being away from me..
a day like today feeds into my wanting to just pull away..to retreat...to simply exist in the m as need be to pass the time..to depend on the other "corners" (from charcoals thread) to get me by...
it is very difficult being married to a man who wakes a dawn and is off to work before even the youngest opens her eyes (often h is gone before 6:30 am these days) and doesn't return til 6 or so...then spends time in the yard working..or perhaps sits and eats dinner and tries to tell me a bit about the day while promising son that he will spend some time with him after he eats...to then only have about enough time to shower with son..read him a story and put him to bed...then being so spent by the long day has little to nothing to offer his wife.
now when his wife (that would be yours truly) "complains" about such a life, is met with..."I'm working" "do you think I like it this way" "it's just a busy time" " a few more weeks" "bla bla bla bla"
it is not so much the job as the person...h would be busy even if he only had a 9-5 office job..he would manage to find project after project to keep him busy and distracted...the only change now is that he complains about it or rather expresses displeasure with not being around us as much and makes comments like "I can't wait to get home" "I just want to get home"
in my eyes and probably in h's too...one of the main causes if not the main cause of our problems has been h's working to much!!
but even though h knows this, he still does nothing to change it.
I wonder???????
oh and ya the reason for this little rant...h has a 6:30 apointment...wich may not get him home til 8 (sons bed time) and it is now 5:45 and he still hasn't called yet...I did speak briefly to him around 11am dd wanted to say night night before her nap...that was the last I spoke with him and he was short with me...he is rarely short with the children but can be with me.
I'm sorry but I feel like I should be the one who's hind sind is being kissed not the other way around...why is it I feel like I cannot express at all my displeasure with h's working so much??
ok so here I did my complaining and let of my anger and resentment at the fact that h didn't call and the fact that he's working so much...
well the phone rang and I reluctantly answered...
h appologized for not calling earlier...his day was apparently hellish...
h is on his way to his appointment...
asked me to bear with him for the next few weeks...
said that he knows it's hard...
said that he will do his best to make sure I get some qt with him each week...friday night we are going out..
some of the things he said made me want to cry...
so then I guess it is best for me to keep my mouth shut and appreciate the fact that h works hard..and yes he works hard for me and the kids...and yes he does miss out by working so much but he is getting better at pushing himself the extra 1/2 at night to spend with the kids..and even last night despite the fact that after putting son to bed I'm sure he would have loved nothing more than to just go straight to bed...he made the left turn and came back down to sit with me for 15 min...and even shared a goofy incident that happend to him during the day...
so I must be a strong wife...
and I must remind myself that I was not a fool...and am not a fool...h may have made a mistake...but he's home now!! and that's no mistake!!
You are doing great LL.. seems like if we can come here and write out our problems..questions..rants and raves..they always seem to answer themselves one way or another..I am happy to to hear the level headed LL was able to sort it out. Enjoy the good times and don't sweat the small stuff!!
Quote: Why don't you and H buy OW's house for a rental investment.
not a rentable house (even though she's marketing it as "resort style living" ...plus why the hell would we want it...bad enough that even after she moves h will probably still be the landscaper for the house as he is awesome at what he does and there are others on the street that use him.
Quoting lostlove: ok so here I did my complaining and let of my anger and resentment at the fact that h didn't call and the fact that he's working so much...
well the phone rang and I reluctantly answered...
h appologized for not calling earlier...his day was apparently hellish...
h is on his way to his appointment...
asked me to bear with him for the next few weeks...
said that he knows it's hard...
said that he will do his best to make sure I get some qt with him each week...friday night we are going out..
some of the things he said made me want to cry...
so then I guess it is best for me to keep my mouth shut and appreciate the fact that h works hard..and yes he works hard for me and the kids...and yes he does miss out by working so much but he is getting better at pushing himself the extra 1/2 at night to spend with the kids..and even last night despite the fact that after putting son to bed I'm sure he would have loved nothing more than to just go straight to bed...he made the left turn and came back down to sit with me for 15 min...and even shared a goofy incident that happend to him during the day...
LL -- This is good stuff! When I was reading your first post on H's working so much I was thinking "180" -- what if LL goes out of her way to tell h how much she appreciates his drive and commitment, etc.
BUT...seems like h himself has tackled DB'ing and is doing a 180 himself -- by letting you know that he's not feeling good about this either, asking you for support, etc.
I'd say -- rant away on the boards! It seems to bring about the solution gods!
Sage
PS -- So where's the date gonna be on Friday???
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quote: PS -- So where's the date gonna be on Friday???
not really a "date" but I don't mind, we actually have a better time when we just go out and do some errands than if we make it a "date".
so we're going to hit home depot to look a sheds for the back yard...then try to hit a jewelry store in the mall...(I got a pearl from an oyster at epcot and found out it's worth a bit of dough so thought I'd have it set in a ring) and then grab a bite to eat.
call me crazy but I'd rather do stuff like that with h than go do dinner and a movie...it's just more fun and I feel closer to h doing "stuff" together.
Quote: h is working overload lately and it's starting to drive me mad...have to keep reminding myself that it's also driving him mad too...just that he is not as inclined to say so as often but when he does complain I thank him for doing so
That is PERFECT! Remind him gently that it's OK (and safe) to complain about life's stresses. Doesn't come natural to him but with practice it will become second nature. Again, it's a guy thing...protector/provider/nonwhiner and all that.
Quoting lostlove: not really a "date" but I don't mind, we actually have a better time when we just go out and do some errands than if we make it a "date".
Cool..so doing what works (regardless of what it's called), right?
Quote: call me crazy but I'd rather do stuff like that with h than go do dinner and a movie...it's just more fun and I feel closer to h doing "stuff" together.
I don't think that's crazy at all..some of it's home stuff -- that's part of building a future together -- looking at jewelry -- grabbing a casual bite to eat -- all of that sounds wonderful!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
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