Hugs. Good for you not crying. Sad is ok, we all feel it. My h is away in Philadelphia with OW at conf.
Am i sad, yea, have i cried about it. Not one tear. I have started to realize he is creating all this himself. I don't know who he is anymore. I know i am a good person, a kind person, a very loving person. H has to see that in me again. Will he, I lose hope more and more every day. But everyday i have to realize i need to get a little stronger, and stronger.
Anyway, Yes to more, wine, more cookies and house cleaning!
I too like IC said. I am waiting for the cookie chick franchise for the northeast region. I need a job change and management sounds like it for me. And who does not love cookies!
I will email you in a few minutes also
Hugs, and keep your head up! bear
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
I baked about 160 cookies today...I had a great day. We've gotten more snow and it is still coming down hard. This is the most I've ever seen and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. H had to bring S back tonight and let me tell you he was NOT impressed when he got here. I saw him pull in the driveway (4X4 in over the snow), so I opened the garage door to bring S in that way....less snow to trudge through. He had to push through a 4 foot drift and looked pissed the whole time. He handed S to me in his seat. Followed me inside, dropped off the diaper bag, turned around and said see ya. And walked away! I said...uuhhh, how was his day? When did he eat last? How is D? Can we communicate here? He just angrily gave me the overview and told me he is pissed because he had to dig out of the snow to get S home. IOW...it's my fault because I said S couldn't stay with him overnight. He can bite me. I went 12 hours today without him...I wasn't going any longer. I've pumped off 4 feeds today and I'm not about justify more than that. So he had to shovel snow....wuss. I've got to do it all myself tomorrow! Sorry, I had to vent a bit there!
More cookies tomorrow...I'm on a roll (pardon the pun)! My goal is to make enough for a great new pair of jeans and some other clothes that fit! I may have been snowed in, but I feel like I GAL today!! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
H just picked up S. I was feeling quite flustered and emotional because he is taking them to see his Grandparent's today...it's the first time his Grandfather will see S. I'm really sad about missing it. H asked as he was leaving with a perturbed voice, what was wrong with me. I just said I was emotional and I was sorry. He asked why was emotional (duh...this always shocks me when he asks because he actually is not aware of why I might be emotional...or is pretending not to know)... .....ANYWAY, I said because I used to be a part of your family and now it's hard to not be. He said, well you talk to my Dad's side of the family so it's up to communicate with who you want to. I said sometimes I feel like they don't want to hear from me, I said I get that impression from your Mom. I said I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. He walked out. I called his cell after a few minutes and said, listen...I didn't mean to say anything bad about your Mom, I just don't want to make her uncomfortable. I said it's not just the people I miss, it's being a part of things. I really miss being a part of things. He just said fine and was really perturbed at this point so we just hung up. I feel like an idiot. Backslide? YEP! I'm kicking myself in the azz right now. That's why I'm typing it all here because I need to rehash it so I can let it go.
This is going to sound a little odd and WAY off topic...but the last two days I can not stop thinking about dating. Why am I suddenly finding the urge to date other men??? I think partially because I'm now living in a fantasy world that my perfect match (H or not H) is out there somewhere I want a GREAT man in my life! Perhaps it's 'other' frustrations....I'll leave that one at that. But also I think I'm starting to detach from H that way. Interesting. Anyway, I'm glad I have the strict 'no dating while breastfeeding rule'...because I know that I am not ready. I really need to stand on my own two feet here.
So I'm going to finish baking before the kids come back this afternoon. 100 more cookies to go!! J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
yep .. I don't just suddenly become one at the bar like some guys. For the sake of my M, there are times when I wish I wasn't. My occupation has got to be among the highest in D rates.
Bake away, bake away. I can close my eyes and just smell those cookies. YUMMY!. My mouth is watering too. I feel like a kid, having a temper tantrum. I want one, i want one!
Anway, OMG the dating thing, don't know if you saw it on my stitch, but i have been so flirty with one or two coworkers. One especially until till I had to put the breaks on when i found out he was 25. OMG what am i doing. I think you like me are, for i can tell you I am certainly missing, the closeness, the connection, the warmth of someone to hold me/us. I miss someone just holding my hand.
I want someone to hold my hand, to kiss me, really kiss me, talk to me. I know sex is missing and i think that is a part of it, but i really am missing the human connection. I just want someone to hold me really hold me, show me love and caring, let me put my head in their lap, while we watch a movie, someone arm around my shoulder. Someone who wants to talk to me, really talk and really listen.
Well bake away, hugs bear
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
