Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Supermom meets Cookie Chick

Jenny it's great to hear you are doing well. I'm glad you took a break this weekend, even though we missed you.

Thanks Blindsided. I haven't been as good lately about popping in other threads. I need to catch up!

I had thought today that was sparked by my C session the other day as well as by this book I'm reading.

I've really been wondering lately why it is that my dreams had to be shattered. Why?
Well perhaps they haven't been. Perhaps they hadn't truly been realized as I thought they had.
I was happy with my life. I did and do love my H. I want my family to be back together so we can raise our children together in a happy and loving environment. Mutually happy and loving.

I deserve someone who loves me, respects me and will help me fulfill all of my hopes and dreams as much as I want to do that for him. I want to believe this person is my H...but what if it is not? I believe it can be, I know it is possible. But if it doesn't happen with him, it doesn't mean I can't have it.

So is my dream to lead this wonderful life? Or to live this wonderful life WITH H? Well my dream is the latter, but if H can't give it to me...it doesn't mean all is lost. I can still have it.
So I'll hold up my dream as something as yet to be realized. My dream of happy and fulfilled family life is still possible. And the name and the face of the person I deserve to have in my life will eventually reveal itself.

I hope I made sense of that.
J~

What a great post Jenny....that is the attitude we all need to have. During the sich its so hard to have it, but people I really do believe it. Look at all the people who were in our sich and now have great relationships with others. Not to say that we shouldn't give our M's every shot, but life will not be over.

I should listen to my own advice...LOL

Interesting interaction with H this morning.
He dropped off D at about 8:30 this morning, she slept overnight with him last night.
When he was here we briefly spoke about this coming weekend.
I said to him, I want to talk about Easter weekend too. He said what about it.
I said, well that's your weekend...but I was hoping to see D a bit too because of it being Easter. Especially since my parent's are going out of town and won't be here. (I was trying not to come right out and say "I'll be all by myself!!".
He didn't seem to open to it and was almost a bit short with me. He said..well you've got her home with you on the Friday anyway.
I just said, don't worry about. Just leave it as is. And he left.
Within an hour he phoned me. He said, listen...about Easter...we'll figure something out. He made a couple suggestions that included him bringing her home in the morning on the Sunday. I said I didn't want to take away from his weekend and he said it's ok we'll figure something out. I said that it was something I was going to have to get used to anyway. I kind of himmed and hawwed around something and he prompted me to just say it. I said...I just get sad about it, but I'll have to deal with it. I thanked him for calling back and talking about it.

This is different behaviour for him. It means that after he left he was actually thinking about what I said and was empathetic about it. That is the second time in a matter of weeks that he has been that way. He never would have felt it necessary to call back and try to compromise before. He certainly didn't at Christmas time.
Anyway, I'm supposed to be looking for the small positive changes and that is one for sure.
He also mentioned wanting to come next Tuesday to D's gymnastics class to watch her.
I'll take it for what it's worth and keep plugging along with what I'm doing. Hopefully it's working!

I had to reschedule the lawyer once again because we're expecting more snow in the morning (we've had more snow this year that I can ever remember getting...except maybe when I was kid!)
So now I go to see her on Thursday. H hasn't mentioned anything about it to me...although I'm expecting it soon.

Any thoughts???
J~

Those may be little positives, but they are still positives. I think it's great that H isn't being totally self absorbed and actually considered your feelings. A move in the right direction. And, great job on the previous post. I'm beginning to feel this way, too. I love my H dearly, I want my life and my family with him. But, if it's not with him, I hope I find that someone great that will love me and my daughter and be loved by us in return.

How did the online class go, last night? I didn't register for it, but I did print out the discussion questions. My computer is not the best so I worry that I'll crash in the middle of the discussion.

Just wondering.

Hey Cookie Chick. I love baking and I have thought many times that I would love to open a bakery. The problem is I love my summers off. H has always said that teaching is the perfect job for a mom.

Wow, I am so pleased that your H is actually starting to think about things. How amazing that he called you about Easter and said you will work something out. I know my H is going to ask me tomorrow if I have discussed Easter w/ H. I haven't and I need to.

I am really jealous of the 8hours of sleep from your S. My youngest D didn't sleep well until she was 4years. She turned me into the coffee addict that I am today.

Right on. Love the Cookie Chick title!! It sounds as if the focus has really helped you that is awesome. You sound very upbeat and positive. Your update has perked up my day.

Thanks.

H just left with S. He's got them both for the evening and then they're coming home.

He asked me if he could have him overnight on Sat night. It wasn't a really great conversation. I didn't have an answer for him...but let's just say that any empathy he had in our last couple conversations is completely gone. I was obviously upset about the request and told him I'd let him know. He didn't seem impressed by my reaction and when I asked him if he was mad that I was upset about it, he didn't answer me. Literally he ignored me. Then I asked again...he just said "I'm nothing".

Then he asked me if there was any reason why my sister would be calling him. I said no, why. He said she tried calling him yesterday, but didn't leave a message. I told him I knew nothing about it.
So I called my sister and asked her what that was about. She wouldn't tell me. We got a little heated about it because I insisted she tell me but she refused. She said it really had nothing to do with me. How can that be possible? Am I wrong to be mad about this? Who does she think she is? She assured me there was no agenda and that really it didn't have anything to do with me. I don't get it. I don't know if he is even going to return her call. I am so frustrated.

I'm worried about what it is she going to talk to him about. I don't want her doing anything that will mess up my DB efforts...she said I'm just going to have to trust her on this. How can I? How can this really be none of my business?
I'm wondering if she may be trying to plan a surprise trip for me and the kids to go down and see her (she lives in Houston) and maybe that is why she is calling him. But I'm kind of doubtful about that.

Man...I was having a few good days, I should have seen this coming.

I don't know what I'm going to do about Saturday night. If I say no, it is for my own selfish reasons. I feel like I have to just because I have to let go at some point anyway. I don't have a choice.
This just isn't right. Why is it that as soon as I get used to something and things seem to be ok, BAM...something else slaps me in the face.
I don't get it. Maybe I should stop trying to get it.
J~

I went out tonight when the kids went with H. I went to starbucks, had a latte and read my book. I never do things like that so it was good.
My hands are actually starting to get calluses from shovelling! The snow was crazy heavy today, I got a work out for sure. It was actually really nice to be outside though. It was quite warm and the sun was shining...I needed the vitamin D.

When H dropped the kids off he was sour. It's like he's gone right back to angry guy again. I don't know why. Could it be he felt himself softening and had to revert? Could it be because of my sister? Could it because of my reaction to him wanting to S overnight? Who knows. Maybe all of the above. But it sucks.

One thing I can't get off my mind is what my sister wants to talk to him about. I'm so frustrated because I'm worried it's going to be something that will get his back up just when I felt like I might be making progress.
Anyway...I'm babbling again.
J~

Hi Cookie Chick. Sorry the AH came back today. Weird about your sis. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. I know that is so easy for me to say and so hard for you to do.

Didn't you say you were making cookies this Saturday? If the kids stayed w/ H it would give you more time for that. I know it will still suck, but I'm trying to turn it into a positive for you.