I wished I knew what to say in your sitch. My h had a hard time letting go of the ow. Remember he went back and forth so many times it made my head spin. They all deal with this differently.
I hate to see your health deteriorate because of the stess you are under. Maybe it is time for you to talk to him and see what he is feeling and let him know what going on with you.
If he didn't want to be with you he wouldn't be at home right now. He still has issues to work through.
yr...im not even sure home is the best place for him anymore. he appears to be content to let his issues slide....why work on them when he can say he loves me and he doesnt have to face his guilt or demons, by not having to kick her out, he can stay in limbo doesnt have to deal with guilt or anything.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
That is right ANew2 you don't count those. Start today with a brand new outlook. Here are your choices:
Kick him out
Go on like you are stressed and having back trouble
Start fresh today with a whole new mind set. That you are not going to let cow bother you as you call her. It could really start there that you would not refer to her as such.
Your h had a choice and he chose to get involved and yes the cow as you call her had a choice not to get involved too. Start today ANew2 to forgive them both and fill yourself with peace.
It does you No good healthwise and R wise to continue down that path. Unforgiveness only leads to resentment etc etc.
Drop that rope ANew2, because that is what is holding you back and keeping you captive. Yes you were hurt, but you have to let go of that for you to restore your M if that is what you choose to do.
Please don't expect your h to help you through this difficult time right now with you. He can't! He still has to process his own stuff.
Ok so what are you plans with h this weekend. What are doing for each other. Do you cook for him. Do something special to show him how much you love him.
Curl up by the fire. Get a good movie you could both enjoy!
Start today as if it's a brand new love life for you and h.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I know what you mean. I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place when my h was doing the same things.
I know he feels guilty about kicking her out but is he still having contact with her other than the rent? Your right he isn't facing any of his problems right now. What happened to the MC you two were going to start?
Patti, I am sorry you are struggling, I do pray things will get better.
I may not always post to you anymore but I am always following along. I just feel like I don't have much to offer these days until I get my head screwed on straight.
thanks mrs h....you will get there...if nothing else learn from me that it isnt what you think its gonna be when they come home.
yr, i need to hear more from you. im ok for a few days then the enormity of it all hits me and i feel lost. real lost! i love him to death, but what good is it if it isnt felt back. will it ever come back? am i being a doormat? or a supportive loving w to let this continue? so much stuff races thru my mind!
gg, ugh i wish it were that easy. ha! you came to me for advice and now look where you are! you go girl!
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
patti, remember that BND and YR said that piecing is hard than when they are gone and doing whatever...they were not kidding....
So, what I suggest is for your to turn on your heartlight....
OMG, I am watching Goodmorning America and there is a life coach on there right now and she suggests that right before you go to sleep write down a problem you are having or whatever is bothering you...put it under your pillow. THen you in your dreams you may find a solution...because in your dreams you are exercising all the outcomes...and in the morning try to remember what you dreamt. Maybe you should try that...
The power of positive thinking is ENORMOUS. Another thing you should start immediately: Start thinking that the OW will go away(find someone else or whatever) and that you H will come back to you fully...that your marriage will be reborn from the ashes of the old one...better than before..
I am not piecing right now...but I am starting to do exactlay what I told you----thinking that my H will come back and that our M will be reborn from the ashes....like a Phoenix.
Patti it is all in front of you...just re-group and get a different mindset...tell yourself that you are strong....because you ARE.
Just repeat to yourself until you actually begin to believe it.
So here are the lyrics to a song by Neil Diamond:
Neil Diamond - Heartlight Lyrics
Come back again I want you to stay next time 'Cause sometimes the world ain't kind When people get lost like you and me
I just made a friend A friend is someone you need But now that he had to go away I still feel the words that he might say
Turn on your heartlight Let it shine wherever you go Let it make a happy glow For all the world to see Turn on your heartlight In the middle of a young boy's dream Don't wake me up too soon Gonna take a ride across the moon You and me
He's lookin' for home 'Cause everyone needs a place And home's the most excellent place of all And I'll be right here if you should call me
Turn on your heartlight Let it shine wherever you go Let it make a happy glow For all the world to see Turn on your heartlight In the middle of a young boy's dream Don't wake me up too soon Gonna take a ride across the moon You and me
And home's the most excellent place of all And I'll be right here if you should call me Turn on your heartlight Let it shine wherever you go Let it make a happy glow For all the world to see Turn on your heartlight In the middle of a young boy's dream Don't wake me up too soon Gonna take a ride across the moon You and me Turn on your heartlight now Turn on your heartlight now
Peace to you, my friend...I know you will find it soon....
Kisses, Valentine
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
It is hard! You will get there. Remember my h wouldn't tell me he loved me or wasn't even affectionate. It will get there. He is still struggling. Your h will get through this in his time. Let it go for now. Keep the communitcation open as much as possible. Make him feel safe. You know all of that but sometimes we need reminders.
Patti I understand your pain at having no intimacy with your H in all this time. Are you waiting for him to initiate or have you tried initiating yourself? If it is the guilt that is holding him back he may need you to show him the way on this one. I've done piecing before and I know how hard this was. I don't want to see your M end up where mine is now. ((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
