Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Still Confused - Just not as fresh

Neecy,

I'm sorry for your pain. I've been following your sitch for awhile, though, and I think this had to happen if you're ever to have a healthy relationship with him. I too was always krappy at setting boundaries, and it's a hard lesson to learn, but I feel like I'm SO much stronger for having stood up for myself.

Prayers,

Puppy

thanks puppy, i don't feel very strong right now, I feel like a pile of Jello

I have never posted to you before. But I identify. H had affair for 8 months. I found out in Nov. He waffled on what to do for 6 weeks. On Christmas he said he wanted to make it work but didn't know how/where to start.
Dec. 26 I told him where to start--No more OW! No more phone calls, no more "seeing her", nothing outside of work b/c they worked together (sound familiar)?

He got angry. Said I was making "demands". I said you are the one who wanted to try to work things out but didn't know how. I am telling you how I need it to be. He refused, got angry, and left for a hotel. Stayed gone for 3 nights. I didn't pursue him. He came back on 12/29. And told me he ended it with her on 12/30. Don't know for sure if he did as I am trying not to be too much of a snoop. Things are going slow and steady, very slow and steady. But you need to think about what you are willing to accept. If he decides to follow your expectations and comes back home, will you take him back??? Just a thought.

(((((((Neecy))))))),

Sweetie, I am so sorry this has happened, but you did what you felt you had to do, and I admire you for that. It takes a lot of courage and strength to set boundaries and see them through.

I can't post much right now - H is here - but I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

(((((((Be strong. You will get through this.)))))))

Neecy,

I realize you probably don't FEEL strong, and that's why I posted to you. Allowing them to "cake-eat", so long as things are civil and happy around the home, often "feels" better, but we all know it's not.

You have personal integrity, and you laid out your boundaries and you enforced them. If he can't abide by them, he is not worth having, in my opinion.

hang in there,

Puppy

I am willing to take him back if he follows my expectations, today. However, I am not certain that I am mentally strong enough to withstand what others on these boards have and wait it out once he has left the house especially if he moves in with OW. I do not think that I can be the person that would "shine a light back to our marriage" if he moves in with her.

neecy, I agree. My H recently moved to his dad's, but I don't know if I could hold out even a little while if he moved straight in with another woman. His main "A" is over, but he is definately leading a single life now, flirting and talking on the phone with girls. I am also one that doesn't know if I have it in me to 'shine a light' back to me.

((HUGS))

Hold your ground. You can't take him back with anything less of what you expect from him. It feels so hard and wrong now, but I think you are doing the right thing.

Neecy And LWB

We can never say never. I used to say if my W cheated on me she would be out in the street.. 1 year later the street and the only thing out in the street in MY CAR..

Dr Love

You are right Husband, it is not that I can say I would never take him back, it is more that I don't think I can be a person that he would want to come back to given the idea of him living with OW.

So sorry!