Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Struggling - Need Advice Please!

I don't think it came off as controlling. I think it has a lot to do with the way you say it. You just offered solutions. If you had gotten angry I think the outcome would have been different.


I know it has been a LONG time...but try not to be too strict on the timeline. Don't get too upset if it doesn't happen exactly when you want it to. Like I said, I think the time to worry would be if he pays another months rent.

Right. Thank you, klm. I will keep that in mind.

I am certain he will pay the rent...

He loves his boys.

Hi, Flicka!

Yes indeed, H truly loves his boys.

(And I hope you were referring to the mortgage here and not at (friend)'s house where H has been staying. )

How is it going GF? Did your H stay at your house last night? Any big plans for the weekend?

Hi, klm! Things are going alright. Here's what I posted this morning on my other thread.


Everything over here still appears to be going well. H stayed over last night for the 3rd time in a row, so that indeed is a plus!

Something that concerns me though. H has been bringing a few beers with him every night since he's been here. He pounds them after dinner and then passes out on the couch while we watch TV or a movie. I know he's been extremely tired lately from work; he's had some really tough shifts, and he said the next two weeks are going to be rough because they've given him so much overtime. He doesn't mind it though; the money's real good. Anyway, before things went bad in our M, H would have an occasional beer which never bothered me at all, but not like this. Not this often which seems to be every night so far. I haven't brought this up to him, but the first night he stayed over, he asked me if I minded him having a drink. I said no. He said it helps him to relax. Well ok. I just keep thinking about his grandmother's severe drinking problem, and even MIL used to drink quite a bit, too.

Before he left for work this morning, he leaned over me in bed to give me a hug. He asked, "Do you like me being here?" I said, "Of course! The boys like having you here, too." Almost as if he was unsure about it, H said ok, have a good day, then left.

Well we're supposed to go out tonight. The kids are spending the entire weekend with my parents, so H wants to take me out this evening as a belated birthday gift. I'm going to check out craigslist for Kings tickets. H and I both enjoy sports, but I've never been to a basketball game, so it should be fun if we can get good seats. If not, maybe I can get him to take me to a play tonight, either in Sac or SF. He did say whatever I want!


Still working on the plans for tonight. I e-mailed this guy who's looking to sell his tickets and gave him H's cell number. He e-mailed back a little later saying that H wasn't sure if he wanted them or not. Then it seems he was trying to 'sell' them to me, describing how great they are, awesome view of the action, etc....

Anyway, it worked , and I called H to tell him about the e-mail. I didn't act like I was disappointed that he told the guy he wasn't sure; just wanted to let H know he said that if H wanted these tickets, he needed to know ASAP. H said, "Alright, I'll call him back."


Ok, H just called. We're going to the game!

That is great!! This is definitely a step in the right direction.


Does he act different when he drinks? If he just has a couple to relax...in my opinion....it is not that big of a deal. My H does this, but it doesn't really affect his mood (sometimes even puts him in a better one because he is able to let go). When we first married it really bothered me, I think because I just didn't like the idea of him drinking every day. However, now I realize it really is his way to relax and he doesn't get drunk...just a few beers. It doesn't really bother me anymore. Now, if he was mean or abusive or drunk..that would be different. Just my opinion.


He probably just needs to be reassured that you want him there. I think my H has a huge fear of rejection right now because he doesn't feel he deserves another chance with me.


This is great!!!! I hope you both have a great time. Let us know how it goes.

Do either of you still wear your wedding rings? H and I don't...but I would really like to start wearing mine again. I wouldn't expect him to if he wasn't ready. I don't think I can just put mine back on without discussing it with him. Just wondering if you have dealt with this and if so...how?

No, he doesn't act different. One thing that made me worry even a little more was when I was helping S12 and S8 get ready for bed last night. I happened to glance down the hallway into the living room and saw H looking at S3 (who was playing close by) and he was crying. Not wailing, just had tears running down his face.

I thought about asking if he was alright and trying to comfort him, but thought maybe I shouldn't. Maybe he was just a little emotional about having missed the past few years with the kids, especially S3....???



You're probably right. My H used to ask me to hold him all the time (pre-bomb) and reassure him that everything would be alright. Come to think of it, he asked me this again over the phone last week. I told him everything would be just fine.



Sure thing! I'm going to be out of town Saturday and Sunday, and H is working overtime this weekend. So I should be back with an update on Monday.

Have a great weekend!

No, we don't either. I took mine off the day he moved out. That was MUCH sooner than I would've ever imagined, but in some way, it was the first step I felt I had to take to detach from the whole mess.

I think about discussing it with my H, too, but then I'm not sure how to approach the subject. I wonder if I should wait for him to make the first move???