Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Worried I found DB too late

I did poke him, and half of it was for the kids and half for me. He thinks that the kids will be fine regardless of what happens, like it's going to be easy to make them OK with this. I guarantee that if almost half of the weeknights he's with him he has to rearrange for work, the kids will start to notice. My big beef with custody is that he is able to meet his commitments and long-term he wants 40% and right now he isn't able to meet his five out of every 14 days. The kids need to be able to plan on him and have a schedule. Kids need/like schedules, especially when facing a situation such as divorce.

It was really nice of him to ask me if I'd do this, wasn't it? It's obvious that he knows I'll do it and then puts me in the spot to be the bad guy by telling me to tell him if this doesn't work for me. ppbbblllt!

cake and eat it too, cake and eat it too...

(((((cw)))))
I sure understand your frustration! Make sure you document. I don't kow what the right answer is, it isn't fair for him to do what he's doing, but it isn't fair to the kids if you dig your heels in. YUCK! Hopefully by documenting what actually happens, you can figure out the right longer term solution. nad have support for it. Good luck!

I don't want to be a bitch. I don't want my kids to get hurt. I just want my H to be able to fulfill their time expectations. A little more respect for me along the way would be great, but I'm not going to fight for that.

It's ok cw! Your kids can't stand up to him now, so you have to! He probably will see you as the bitch, but what can you do? Having a backbone is one way to earn his respect, in the long run! You are ok, in my opinion!

((((((cw))))))

Thanks dry_heat.

Got an email back: "That’s why I’m switching nights and/or making sure I’m there when they go to bed, so they understand that while I have a rigorous job, I make seeing them a priority."

I had also emailed him to ask how we are going to work two weeks from now when my sister, her hubby and son (kids aunt, uncle & nephew) come to visit from the Midwest. Got an email back, a call at home and on my cell. I purposefully didn't answer my cell and am waiting until tonight to reply to any emails.

Good idea! Make sure you know how YOU want to handle it. Be firm, but flexible! Right! No problem, she says!

H called me at home again just to confirm that we'll talk about my sister's visit tomorrow night. I was happy-go-lucky, oh-so-busy and you-caught-me-at-a-good-time. Had a very pleasant conversation. H gets a bonus this month and wants to get a motorcycle. Wasn't completely surprised by this, he had one a few years ago. I asked if this time we were going to get two helmets and he said yes. (Last time we didn't have two helmets so we never rode on it together.)

So he's coming for dinner tomorrow. I'm going to make a mellow, but knock-out meal. My cooking is one of the things he first fell for and, heck, I love to eat!

Firm, but flexible. I like that!

You go CW

Hmmm, there are other places where firm, but flexible might work, too!

You know what they say about the way to a man's heart! Doesn't seem to work on W, but then again, she isn't a man!

You have seen the planning for the potential non-virtual get together on my thread, haven't you? You aren't too far away, and it might be a good break, if you can make it!

I did see that and I will definitely keep it in mind. Too bad my parents moved from Phoenix at the beginning of the year, could have killed two birds with one stone!

Firm, but flexible. I'm liking that more and more! Works in lots of situations ;), gains respect without being a bitch and keeps one from being a doormat. New mantra for me!