Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Help, it seems my 35 year old wife is in MLC #12

Not bad. I actually got out for some GAL tonight. I'm scrambling to get my house ready to sell. I ended up seeing a place I liked on Thurday and I'm thinking of making an offer. This forces me to have to move up my plans for selling the house and I'm not really ready.

Tell us about the new house?

It's a condo about 2 minutes from my office. It will be a huge lifestyle change for me because right now I'm spending about 3 hours a day on the road and about $500 a month on gas. It is also right across the road from the gym that I go to.

I admit that it is not the best move in the world for the kids but I'm hoping that will be made up by the fact that I will extra time in the evening to spend with them. I think they will like it also because the place has a pool and is close to a huge park that they like.

Because It is so close to work, I'm also probably going to take them out of day care and drop them off myself in the morning and pick them up (from school) in the after noon and bring them back to work until the end of the day. This will save me another $500 per month.

Nothing is etched in stone yet but I think I'm going to take a run at it.

Sounds like it might be giving back time and money for you. I hope it works out.

Imageer, Your new place sounds great. Glad to hear that you finally went GALing. Hopefully the new place means you get to GAL even more.

I got an interesting piece of information today from S8. He says to me out of nowhere today "Sue (OW) is moving in with mommy". I don't know if it is true or not but D5 seemed to agree.

Interestingly, a year ago I would have found this information devestating. Now I take it in stride.

I consider Ws R with OW to be somewhat of a joke. This woman is nothing like W and W seems to be changing herself to suit OW. For example, OW is a smoker and W hates the smell of cigarette smoke. In the past, if we were out with someone who smoked W would come home and have a shower even if she was dead tired because she hated the smell of smoke in her hair. Now she is going to live with a smoker???? There are other examples but I won't go in to them.

I haven't been talking to W as much in the last coupld of weeks but when we do talk, it seems to be good. for example I talked to her for the first time this week today. We exchanged about 3 or 4 emails discussing Easter and me selling the house. We had a couple laughs and she seemed genuinely excited that I had bought a place and interested in it. I can only see this type of interact as a good thing.

Imageer, Sounds like you're doing good being detached. I hope your W sees what she's missing out on - perhaps, your positive, light and fun interactions will make an impression on her and will often remind her afterwards of what she's missing out on and of good possibilities in the M.

Im with PH. You sound very good. You seem to know that your Ws spiral doesnt mean anything. Keep the faith.

Thanks. In some ways this increased interaction makes it harder. I'm fighting a real tendency to have expectations. However, I feel that nothing really positive will happen until OW is gone but at the moment OW is moving in with W. I suppose that could be good or bad for them. Time will tell I guess.

I understand Imageer about wondering about whether this is a positive or a negative. Honestly, it could be either but when it comes down to it, over time, I think that everything is going to lead back to you and her, together again. Yes, I am a hopeful romantic but I do believe that if we persist in a positive way, which could be manifested in having a hands off approach, our relationships with our spouses can be stronger than it ever was.

I am doing what I think I need to do, i.e. loving her from a distance (as Jack has said recently is the best thing to do with MLCers) and being the one that is steadfast, loyal and forgiving. All the other fake things in our wives lives will eventually become apparent. And while you and I and so many others on this board have made these changes about ourselves more permanent regardless of what our spouses do, will be more ready to handle the eventual piecing that is so challenging.

The way you to have such a good relationship has a lot to do with your ability to love her regardless of her actions. I seriously doubt she thinks you are supportive of her choices but she probably trusts you because you are so consistent. People like you are the kind of people I trust and am loyal to. So I am sure this will do everything to make your marriage come alive again.

Have an awesome day buddy!

mmf