Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis I don't know what I'm doing! Another Bomb!

Thank TS,

You have given me quiet alot of info. Your story is so painful I hope that you'll someday have some happiness in your life, This situation is still very fresh and don't know what to expect, but I am willing to go some of the distance, he said didn't want my help but he has put me through alot of pain in the last 11 years and I have always bailed us out but he needs to man up this time.

I don't know any form of abuse that he has gone through and don't really believe there are any. His brother had affairs when he was married he left his wife for so many years lived with OW but before that had a child out of wed lock 40 years ago, family found out accidently when that child was taken to hospital and authourities were given the info about father and it came out then. But he eventually came back to wife after many years away, he was the eldest of the bunch, believe father also had affairs when H was growing up, so to me this is just par for the course, he sees nothing wrong with this situation, this is just the way of the men in his life so why should this situation be wrong? I really believe this is just an excuse I do not believe this story about sex addiction, read some info and he said he has only been unfaithful to me twice in 19 years of marriage and this last one but this became EA and PA, he does look at porn on internet and has downloaded some on his laptop, that part makes me uncomfortable because my son uses his laptop when H is at home.

So I'm thinking that he is just a typical man(dog), and using this sex addiction as excuse for bad behavior and I have told him he needs to man up and take responsiblity for all his actions because I am not bailing him out anymore, I've giving him the reigns to our lives an it will be up to him to figure out how to get us out of the hell he's put us in these last 11 years. But just in case will continue to read up on sex addiction and I truly hope it will not apply to this situation.

Thanks again,
gsr1

Remember this wise words you posted, it is hard to see them fall on their faces and screw up, but that's the only way the will learn. I tried so hard to help my H and all along he still did whatever he wanted and went back to ow when the emotions hijacked his brain, didn't matter that I was bending over backwards to please him, help him, heard him talk about his feelings for ow, consoled him, etc, nothing led him to take a look at the horrible damage he was inflicting on me.


I'll tell you what I was told long ago "you cant' save a man from himself"

My prayers your way))))

aka Cat03

This2shallpass,
Thank you so much for your prayers, and I am trying my best to let this all hit him right between the eyes right now. It sounds like you gave it your all with your H, and I'm sorry things are not going well, I want to read more of your past posting I'm sure the people here have given you some help along the way and I may get some more insight on how to deal with H.

For now I just can't imagine knowing anything about OW, couldn't imagine consoling H about her, the way I see it to me she is a non entity, a joke to me. He knows that if she were to know the real him she would have nothing to do with my H, he was actually afraid that I would tell her everything, but I know she would not believe me anyway, but then it'll be all on her so who cares right? The way I see it if shes knows shes messing with a married man shes probably doing someone else when hes away anyway, isn't that what women like her do? He is so naive if he thinks this OW is actually being faithful to him.

Right now we are at about rock bottom, he is giving up his job to be home with us finally, and it is at a very high cost financially, but at this point, I'm making him man up to his responsibilities, he said he understands and will not resent me, he knows this is what needs to be done, I can't keep cleaning up after him.

Well we'll see how this goes like my post title I don't know what I am doing, but somethings gotta give, and like you said he has to hit rock bottom, this is all on him now, he will have to see how hard it really is to deal with reality on a daily bases and stop living this fantasy double life he has been living for the past 11 years.

Hugs,
gsr1