Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Reclaiming myself and my life - 3

Faithisbelieving & Dry,

I have tried to go back tonight to apologize to everyone about the information. I was only trying to help. I didn't realize people would react negative about it or think I was getting some profit from it. It was new to me, I had not known about it and thought it would be wonderful to pass it along to as many as I could. I soon gave up typing and just starting coping and pasting to as many of the men as I thought I could see in a glance. I didn't take time to read the threads b/c it was so late at night, but I thought I was doing something worthwhile.

I was really upset when I was banned b/c I didn't know what I had done wrong and nobody would tell me anything. I just don't know anything else to say. I was wrong and I learned my lesson. I wanted back on so badly, but now after reading some of the responses to what I gave.......I am wondering why people had that negative feeling toward me. I thought I had been on this board long enough for you all to know me better than that.

Anyway, if I offended anyone, I'm sorry.

Sandi

No worries Sandi...it just came across as spammy because it was cut/pasted into so many threads.

Now, back to our regularly scheduled programming

Sandi don't sweat this any longer.

You made a mistake.
Everyone here that knows you knew you meant well.
Screw the rest of 'em.

The main thing is that the mods finally did something right when they unbanned you.

Stay sweet.



AmyC

Agreed Sandi.....forget it. Done.

Frank.....through all of this crap, it never amazes me how some parents forget about the most important thing here....our children. Bworl summed this up in his post.

You don't have to batter your beautiful girls...your women..with detail after detail of what is going on, but, you know....that are a million ways to show them that you are there for them...you love them....you'll listen to them, etc.

The greatest challenge you have in front of you is to show your girls how a man treats a woman EVEN IN THE FACE OF POSSIBLE D. Frank..you and I know that what WE do will impact them. Do what I know frank_d would do...

Just love them and let them know you are there and, of course, when the time is appropriate...that is was NOT about anything THEY DID.

You sound stronger. Stay the course. FIB

Just a small update.

Last night W went to one of her girlfriends houses, the spiritual gang, for a 'fun night' with the ladies.

I stayed home with the girls of course. No biggie. I watched 'Rocky 3' as jeff223 suggested to me and the scene on the beach when Rocky has lost his confidence in himself, is afraid, and decides to give up, his wife Adrian delivers a powerful and supportive speech. Yes, she is an example of a woman who 'has your back'.

W came home around midnight. She seemed cheerful when she talked to me and I was tired so I didn't say much and went to bed. She came to bed a few minutes later.

I was surprised because I expected her to tell me she was moving into the guest bedroom since there is no longer a reason to 'pretend' any more because she told D12 about the divorce now.

anyway, lights are out and she starts talking. She tells me about the friend at the party 'S', who is reading Tarot cards for people and saying things to W like 'hey W, you should 'read' so and so's energy' and other stuff like that. W says "I don't know why she was telling people I could 'do that', unless she didn't want to look like the only weirdo in the group because she was reading Tarot cards".

I just said 'hmm, how odd'.

But basically W said that SHE is weird? She has magical psychic abilities now and feels uncomfortable when it's 'pointed out' by her friend? And once again the big question: Why are you telling me this? Why should I care?

oh well.

Today she went with D17 to the art gallery so it was a quiet day here. She seems agitated again tonight. Not sure why. She cleaned up our bedroom and it appears she intends to sleep there again tonight.

On a different topic of today. I got a call from another friend who is from 'the old days'. Apparently my friend 'J' had called him and said 'Frank is in trouble'.

So he called me after losing touch for 15 years. We had a long conversation and a lot of it was him telling me how he had been married twice, and both times found that he was the giver, and in the end his W never had his back. One W was a lot like mine in many ways and what I got out of the conversation was that in the end, he found that he had to take care of himself first, or he'd be no good to anyone. And that what others do isn't a reflection on you, but on them and their character.

I also got a call from 'J' who was just checking up on me to see how I was doing. She spent some time telling me her 'story', which I posted some a few days ago. She just lives with her H, and has a separate life from him because he just doesn't have a grip on reality and 5 years ago when she separated from him, she didn't want to mess up her kids life, and her H was threatening to sue HER for spousal support and custody because SHE works and he doesn't. So she went back to living with him.

Her son is now 14, and has told HER that she should leave his dad because 'You took him back and he didn't change". But she's ok with her life and has a positive outlook, but no s-x.

Both her and the other friend told me something that I didn't really 'get' until I talked to Spitfire on the phone later. And that was that they never forgot the things I did for them when they were in THEIR dark hours, or when they were trying to find their directions in life. They even told me specific things they always remembered.

So, I guess I've done a lot of good in my life for others. Especially my W. It's too bad that for my W, it's overshadowed by the hardships she and I have been through when I wasn't carrying my load and her load any more.

But, in the end it will still be true that I will reclaim my 'self' and as my friend who called said 'it does get better'.

This is going to be a good week. I can feel it.

I'm not alone any more.

Just a silly update.

W still hasn't decided to move herself into the guest bedroom like she did last time. I keep thinking I should tell her to move her stuff and not sleep with me, but I'm curious to find out when she decides to do it on her own. I have no doubt she WILL choose to move out of 'our' bedroom at some point because she'll NEED to do that so she can show herself that she is 'moving forward'.

Last night in the middle of the night she touched me on the top of the head for a moment and rubbed my hair. I was awake at the time because I wasn't sleeping well but I'm sure she thought I was asleep. What is that all about? I have no clue. I don't think I was snoring and even if I was, she'd tap my arm or something, not rub my head. Maybe she was 'reading my energy' ;).

Anyway, I am becoming more immune to this stuff. Still have anxiety from time to time but it gets to be less and less. None of this is real, so it can't hurt me.

Don't read anything into it except that they do what they need to do to get thru this. Don't read babysteps at this stage of the game. You'll KNOW what the real deal is. FIB

I was really upset when I was banned b/c I didn't know what I had done wrong and nobody would tell me anything. I just don't know anything else to say. I was wrong and I learned my lesson. I wanted back on so badly, but now after reading some of the responses to what I gave.......I am wondering why people had that negative feeling toward me. I thought I had been on this board long enough for you all to know me better than that.


Sandi....No one thinks poorly of you. I could not find a normal thread because of all the other posts. But I do want to apologize to you for hurting your feelings. It definitely wasn't my intention.

Someone get me an oxygen mask, please.




Sg, I'm not even being mean.
That just made me laugh so hard I fell right outta my chair.

That's the cutest thing I've read here in 2 freakin' weeks.

ROFLMAO!!!

I didn't 'know' sandi but a search of her user ID turned up some normal stuff after going back 2 pages in the results.

At first I thought her account was compromised but then I realized she was just not understanding that what she was doing wasn't a good idea.

It wasn't that hard.

And I am glad you apologized. That was very good to do.