Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis DEAR MLCers

I have a MLCer H, no one on the board seems to have one like me, a total drop out, that through his silence sends stinging messages. i don't think people can encourage me cause they just can't empathise with my situation. Just like I don't know how I would deal with a drop in or droplet.

I feel quite isolated on the board,apart from I can empathise with those with teenage sons, I find you need to experience living with a teenager to be able to offer an empathic ear.

JMW - I would love to talk with you. I haven't seen my H in over 2 years now. He would send flowers on important dates but doesn't talk to anyone even family. My DD had a crisis and now he sees her ocassionally but refuses contact with me. It is really frustrating!

Hi, I have seen my H twice in 2 years, apart from court a few months ago, he didn't look at me once on that occasion, we have a son with Medical problems, I pass on info but H doesn't respond, he has just begun to contact the eldest S19, but only superficial talk, he doesn't reveal anything, we don't know where he is, or who with, he holidays often we don't know who with, it all feels cruel. He filed but is dragging his feet. He is living a fulfilled life, just not with us. Yes it is frustrating and it is beginning to hurt again.
I don't know anyone who is dealing with a spouse like H.

JMW - very similiar to mine. Yeah finally my twin!!! I have only seen him once in 2 years. DD finally crashed over the situation and her C dragged H in so when the C says to take DD out he will. I think they text but other then that no contact. He doesn't speak to his parents and sister either. H told the C that he likes living alone and is scared of divorce. I have found online evidence that he uses/views escort services and says he's single. Must be a real happy life - having to pay someone to go out with you <sigh>.

My H doesn't claim to be single or in a relationship, he hasn't let anything slip and we haven't asked.before He left he started to look at porn, not done this since early 20's. He was always on internet and shy of sharing his viewing.
I'm no where near a prude but I began to feel uncomfortable.
I loved him but I dont think I do anymore, the cruelty has begun to erode the love I held for him. I feel worn out emotionally, I have had to be strong throughout the past few years and I need some time out, H is acusing me of all sorts of financial misgivings, not directly but through the L's, I am sqeeky clean, I've done nothing wrong, but he is suggesting otherwise. I can prove him wrong but it is so tiring and so not needed.
He doesn't want me to be happy & comfortable, he wants to hurt me and take everything, this I don't understand.

Jmw - I was talking with another LBS and she said it was probably a last ditch effort to make himself feel good. I don't know which is worse, having to deal with them or not knowing anything <sigh> but I am tired too. I keep thinking what if this goes on for another ???? years?

Last ditch ?

I think he has had a few last ditches, he doesn't seem to be running out of steam or have a care in the world, other than himself. I think my H is one of those who go on & on searching never to find what he is actually looking for.
It is in his family, the MIL is the same, always looking for the next thing to purchase, always wanting to move house, never settled, so it's in his blood, this is what makes me think H will never have a final last ditch and begin to wake up.

^

This is an important thread, and I hope we can get some insights posted. I am sorry to say I have none; all I have is a ton of empathy for what you are going through. You have stood for so long, the pain and frustration and uncertainty must be enormous. I don't know if I could do what you have done.

I'm in a bit of a same boat. My W and I email about the dogs, and that's it. Haven't seen her in 2 months.

How does one DB when there is no personal contact? So many posters here have some sort of contact over kids, etc. What do we who have no contact do? Is working on ourselves and waiting to see when/if they snap out of MLC all we can do? I don't mean to say that's not a challenge, but rather to wonder if there is something else that I'm missing?

Thanks to anyone who can offer support or shed light on this maddening and painful situation.

I have teenagers. Can't live withem can't live without em.

They are so much fun to be with. And so darn intense. And smart....you live in a glass bowl.

I use DBing with them....THEM being used lightly....the two are so different. (girls) And then sometimes I don't. It's just up for grabs.

But for example..with mine...it's pretty important when, where and how I bring things up. The good news is they still talk to me. The bad news is they still talk to me.