H is okay but hates where he is. I am giving him time with no pressure at all to move back home.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Just wanted to share some thoughts coming from his head.
He said I have no idea how much he hates it over there but only he can break away from there and nobody can help him.
Does not understnd what has happened to him the last few years.
Said he cannot wait until he is back home.
Drinks because it is so terrible over there.
Even though he knows how bad it is, he still cannot get himself out of it and yes, this takes time.
I just wanted to post these things for people to get some idea of what is in the head of a MLCer.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
reading what your H is saying makes me wonder if that is what they say or think when they are first going in the tunnel away from us, about us and home?
Thanks so much for giving us these glimpses into one mlc-er's thoughts!
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
I'm just so excited for you...I hope I get there some day..I am being very still and watching...it is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do but if I'm to bring him back I have to do it...
Did your H mention what they are thinking when they leave? Do they really believe they are not returning? When they tell you to get over it, that they're not in love with you, do they mean it.
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
He is coming OUT OF the tunnel. He has been consistant in what he has been saying the last few weeks and plans on coming home soon.
It is a spiritual battle indeed and not many understand that.
He wants to be at home and as he says, loves only me and we both agree that our marriage will be better than ever.
If you read my timeline, he has been in this for some time.
His progress has been remarkable the last month or so.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
He said he has to leave when he is ready, cannot stand to be with OW and he stays up all night and gets very little sleep.
He will be home soon he says.
He says in the beginning of the A he thought this was someone he loved,etc. but he now says that was so false. He cannot stand what he has done, hates the adultery and refers to the Bible many times and has been reading it each day. OW does not share our beliefs.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
SF (and others) I'd like to ask you a question if I may. I know you are a regular church goer as you have posted this many times BUT was your H before his crisis? Is this a renewed faith or a newly found one?
I ask this b/c when we got M both my H and I considered ourselves christians but neither of us was particularly brought up to go to church every week. We got M in a church, had our babies baptized in a church etc but we never really felt the need to go to church regularly. We have brought our children up to have christian beliefs. Since he left I have tried to strengthen my R with God and do now read the Bible especially when I'm feeling particularly low. However, I don't think I can imagine my H ever doing this irrespective of a crisis. He certainly didn't when his father died. In his present state if I were to suggest to him that he read the Bible I think he would think I had lost big time. I don't know if for him this is a spiritual struggle.
Thanks
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
My H was a born again CHristian several years before we got married and we will be married 18 years in April.
I wanted to add that H has stated that:
what he has done is wrong
he knows how much he has hurt all of us and is sorry for it
would lay his life on the line for his family
that God's voice is always talking to him telling him that what he has done is wrong and that he will pay a price for what he has done
realizes that he never loved OW and how fooled he was in the beginning of this
is reading his Bible again everyday
is praying again everyday
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
