the concert was actually a piece of cake. I never saw ow, though I'm sure spouse did as she disappeared at one point and resurfaced later. Who elese would she visit with while NOT telling me where she had been? and who gives a flying F?
No thrilling changes at our house, things are fine...in every less than thrilling sense of the word..."fine"...Christmas night spouse said "come here I have a present for you". Silly me, I brushed my teeth thinking it might be a kiss. Guess again. A very practical pocket knife contraption. I'd rather have a kiss. And that brings me to the next topic and my greatest fear: Spouse will not actually buckle down and do any "work" in time to salvage the thing for me. She will drag along saying "don't worry" and "I'm going out" and I'm just supposed to be satisifed with that. But for how long? grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!! And to all a goodnight!
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Stub, I think your "fear" is a pretty common one in your sitch. Often the "Walk Back Through The Door What More Do You Want" S thinks just that! They figure they broke off the A so what's the problem? It's part of pushing away guilt by not dealing with the whole sitch, it's pretty maddening to just hear "trust me" and "don't worry" Why the f@ck wouldn't you worry? Wouldn't that make sense? Except that worry kind of screws us up more than them. I don't have an answer for ya Stub but maybe some of your piecing pals here might have some advice, I'm sure many of them are or have been dealing with this too.
well somebody play the "Dragnet" theme. The long awaited day has arrived. Spouse and I are going to new counselor today. I can honestly say I have no idea what will come out. I only wish it was longer than an hour. I have heard spouse say "I've made my decision" but her actions are hardly in line with her words. I don't know whether to sit back and listen today or put it out there that if we need a new therapist to help us break up it's ok by me...discretion, better part of valor, etc.
Spouse and I had an semi-serious discussion the other night where I said "It feels like there are 3 people in this relationship" (referring to OW) and spouse said "maybe there are". lovely.
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
I have heard spouse say "I've made my decision" but her actions are hardly in line with her words.
Ugh... and we know that actions speak louder than words. You're a strong woman!
Quote:
I don't know whether to sit back and listen today or put it out there that if we need a new therapist to help us break up it's ok by me
I got nothin' for ya. I hope everything goes as needed for you tonight. You've been thru the wringer and your patience is pretty astounding. You deserve a break today, sweetie.
Quote:
Spouse and I had an semi-serious discussion the other night where I said "It feels like there are 3 people in this relationship" (referring to OW) and spouse said "maybe there are". lovely.
Lovely. I dunno how you do it. Once again, you're a strong woman who deserves to be treated better. I hope that you get something bright, positive, useful out of your C session! And if you need to scream at someone on the tele, you've got my #.
Does the presence of alot of horse$hit indicate a pony? do I have to dig deep for the diamond? Does fertilizer make the flowers prettier when they finally DO bloom?
Update: things are good IF I'm satisfied living with a really good roomate. Spouse? Nope, just not happening. If I mention separation, which I have done, in counseling session, just to get her attention I get: "we are not separating". Why? Because she wants to live with her daughter full time. I realize there are people who would be thrilled to hear that from their spouses and I commend her for being a dedicated parent. But it's frustrating as hell for me.
I should be looking at the positives which are:
1)Spouse is willingly going to therapy with me. Therapist seems to be good.
2) When I GAL spouse becomes more interested. EX: friend invited our family on a weekend trip. Spouse didn't have "long" weekend but I decided to go anyway and take D8. Then spouse decided she would go IF we were back in time for her to (gag) celebrate OW birthday (since they are just "friends" afterall) Sunday evening. Oops! Can't be done but D8 and I will go without you anyway! Suddenly OW tells spouse "don't miss it on my account" (gag again!) Spouse decides she can go on trip. amazing!
Lots of other examples like this. Any time I take a stand I get results. But none of the results involve sex or much physical intimacy.
Spouse took all the initiative to order and pay for VD dinner. Spouse invited me to a movie she knew I would like and D8 stayed with sitter. Also initiated by spouse.
Is she trying? Yes. Is she trying my nerves? Hell yes!
Sometimes I think there is hope and other times I feel like the worlds biggest idiot for thinking that!
New resolution: don't persue. Not at all what I want to do but...let's try something that seems to work. 180 anybody?
I have a shovel and I'm not afraid to use it. Stubby
Maybe the way to look at things is "are they better than six months ago?" If yes, then progress is being made. It's tough going, I know. You want it all now and damn well deserve it all now! Ain't gonna happen though. Be patient, goal oriented and take care of Stubborn. You've found a strategy that seems to work here by taking a stand...go with what is working.
