Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Good bye friends

GH!! another sight for sore eyes, just checked your thread, it's good of you to give the folks over at infidelity a push, a sucess story, because they happen

Indeed Cat, they do happen. Sadly not all the time, and maybe not for all the right (read: DB) reasons but I truly believe that what happened to me and my marriage was at once the worst and best thing. It was a crucible for either making a strong, lasting marriage or destroying one that would not last. I think I prefer that to a slow life or death of my marriage any day.

Good luck.

Chin up cat, he will see what he gave up so heartlessly.

L

he keeps saying how it was the truth as he never told me before, how that's how he was always feeling. And I remember all the times he talked about the chances we could have of fixing things. Still brooding a bit at his stupid C who pushed him to "speak" up for his own, which is not wrong per se, but pretty much made him believe I was dragging him down and took all his MLC bs as gospel. I regret not going with him on the first appt, I think I was trying to let go and not meddle, but it sure helped when he was seeing the prev T, she knew where he was coming from, she knew me and knew the lies and the stuff he had done.

Its over, it's over, argh, must remind myself that, too late for should'ves and could'ves, it didnt' and perhaps even if I showed up he would've still come up with "the truth" he was hiding the "whole time"

Cat, IMO I believe children will be negatively affected by a divorce, but it doesn't mean they will be unhappy, unhealthy and the like. Work towards minimizing the affects of the divorce and your children can do just great. You, and they, will get through this and come out on the other side just fine. No, it won't be want you wanted, but make it good. You do have the power to do that!

Hey Cat,
maybe he has to get all that evil, untrue, poison out of his system before he can overcome it and see reality again. Maybe more importantly, he really thinks his interpretation is real. It's not a lie to him.

I would suggest you stop talking to him, stop reading any texts, emails, stop picking up his calls. Let him vent to his T. You don't need it.

thanks LN, I think I finally got it through my thick head to stop fixing the past. Wasnt' intended to be, but we had one M talk this morn, perhaps the kind that should've happened that awful day. We both knew when to stop, it was rather quick and we were civil and it actually left me with a good feeling (weird).

I obviously would've want to be spared the ugliness of the other day, but in some ways I'm glad that I won't be holding out false hopes and that my feelings for him have changed and it will be easier to go through the D. Perhaps in a week from now I'll feel differently, I don't know. Since we've been physically separated for a month already, it's the 2n S and for the past half year we haven't slept together (except for 3 nights we shared a bed before he left) it will not be as devastating, hard but not mind numbing as the first time.
Eventually I pray I wont' wake up with that bit of uneasiness in my heart, it will take time, I'm not deluding myself, a D won't be painless but I can make it bearable.

Thanks all)))))))))) H is seeking his own T and we dont' talk about his issues.

Yeah, gauranteed you'll feel differently in a week, a month, a year. I won't predict exactly how you'll feel or how long it will take, but it will change.

We're built to withstand this, to get past it, to have it fade into a memory. We're built to love again and be loved again too.

Just a thought, and please don't let a thought like this keep you from detaching, but what if he were to someday wake up, realize what he's done, face the consequences? Go ahead and close the door, but maybe you don't have to lock it. I'm just saying that he may come out of this some day. When that happens, he may want to contact you. He may ask forgiveness, he may not. He may want a relationship with you, he may not. It will be your choice what to do then. Hopefully, the anger will be gone and the hurt almost forgotten, and you can choose what to do. Any choice will be a good choice. Without hope, without expectations, can you leave the door unlocked? KWIM?

Now, while your processing your feelings, pain, hurt, anger, you'll also have to really look at yourself. What are you going to do now? Who do you want to be? What do you want your life to be like? A burden's been lifted. You've got some freedom now. What do you want to do with it? You better enjoy it, you paid enough for it ;-)

Good luck, best wishes always. Stick around too, we would miss you.

Hey LN, thanks for your support and for reading my rantings. I think the bewilderment and hurt are settling down and not blinding me as much, I'm trying to steady my heart/mind. I can actually see myself being friends with him, as of yesterday i was cooking up ways in which I didnt' even have to talk/see him.

I totally hear you, if anything, what I envision is at least being friends and he can in some small way realize I am not that person that many times made him feel bad, that he sees me as a friend, that'd be good for me.

I have taken 2 helping positions in my church and look forward to help there (haven't done a thing these past years). I will slowly fix my home, I really want to change it, just a coat of paint would do wonders, my dad offered to help so did my brother in laws who are very handy and great.

At some point in the future I was even thinking of joining the "suddenly single" group of my church denomination, to meet other D people. Now, I'm not in such a hurry, I realize that at this stage in life people are pretty set in their ways and I might not be ready to be with someone, it doesnt' help that H was the first real boyfriend I had & the first one in my SL, don't see myself being intimate w anyother...but that's now, we'll see.

In also volunteering for the elderly, I'll do that on the days H has with kids (ok, I'm right now I'm not angry enough to call him Alien and borg anymore, lol).

You are all the best, what'd I do without you all?

Cat, I think it's a positive thing in your sitch that you now have the freedom to choose how much contact to have with him. No more trying to fix stuff, so you can like him or hate him or see him or not--whatever you feel like when you feel like it. Obviously, as long as you're agreeable when you do communicate, you have the right to choose not to communicate as well if you're not in a good place.

Good for you for finding some more ways to GAL!

Love ya.