Well H was here tonight. I got home late as my train was delayed so D2 and I were only home for less than 5 minutes when he arrived. I put a pot of water on to boil and then he prepared pasta for dinner. We actually had a really good night. No relationship talk.. I'm actually very proud of myself because I have gone over a week now without bringing our M or R up! Woo Hoo for me!!!!!!
I need to repost what my goals were for the past week so I can check and see how I did.. and what my goals are going to be for this week.
Darn, I just realized they are on my previous thread.. well I'll post what went on over the last little bit and then will have to come back and post again with my goals.
So tonight H brought his laptop and offered to update my ipod nano with some new tunes. He did it completely out of the blue.. so I let him. He kept asking me to come over and hear this song or that song.. then at one point I started dancing to a song in the kitchen.. so D2 joined in.. so H joined in. D2 was having a blast and it was so nice to see her so happy.. I think all 3 of us enjoyed the dance!
Another thing I noticed about tonight was that I didn't see H's cell phone anywhere. He usually leaves it on the desk in the front room face down and on silent.. which I don't mind. What I do mind is when he has to check in constantly. I don't know that he's texting with OW but my mind automatically goes there. Anyway, as I said I didn't see his phone anywhere and I didn't see him use it. He may have while I was downstairs in the laundry room but if he did he was being discreet.. which is really out of character.. and very much appreciated.
So other things of note. He's really talking to me a lot about creative stuff to do with his work. This is something he used to share with me and want my input on all of the time in our relationship.. but stopped at some point before the bomb and I can't really place how long before.. so I think this is a positive step. We were walking in the mall the other day and there is this race car place (you know where you get in the little cars and drive around a track.. I can't remember what thats called..) in there and he said we should take D2 there when she gets a little bigger.. and I said for sure.. I said we should also check out the bowling alley in the mall.. and he said that maybe the 2 of us could do that some time.. another positive step..
I'm feeling pretty good today. My books arrived.. I'm starting with "For Women Only" and then I'm going to get to the one Transformer suggested.. "Living in the Light" and then I'm going to read the final one called "Hope for the Separated".. I've got lots of reading to do.. I should maybe buy stock in chapters indigo (the bookstore I bought them from).
I hope everyone had a really great Tuesday.. Tomorrow is hump day so we're nearly half way through the work week.. that's always reason to smile!
1. Going to try for 3 positive days this week 2. Going to investigate schooling opportunities 3. Going to eat 3 meals a day 4. Not going to initiate any Relationship talk 5. Going to find a good fiction book 6. Going to smile at myself whenever I see my reflection 7. Going to thank God every day for the blessings in my life (especially my daughter) 8. Going to leave my problems in God's hands and work on all of the above instead.
I was successful with 1, 2, 4, 5, 7 & 8.. but I'm going to leave them all on the list for this week too.. although number 5 will now be I'm going to read my good fiction book!!
Enough about me.. I'd like to check in on all of you.. but I just realized how late it is and my alarm clock is going to be calling in 6 hours so I must try to get some sleep. I will see you all tomorrow.
SO happy to hear about you dancing with your daughter and H in the kitchen!! So many positive steps from your H!! It's great that he's talking about the future that way! Sounds like your true joy is overflowing from your heart, which coincidentally happens to be super attractive!
The specific chapter in "living in the light" is called "your perfect body" or something like that.
Let me know what you think of "for women only", I haven't read that one yet!!
Same here! You didnt tell me where you were both born, or your times of birth. Blimey two Scorpios! Theres a saying that only a Scorpio can really understand another Scorpio! I'm really impressed with the progress in your sitch and you're doing so well with your goals, I only managed a couple of mine this week. Well done for keeping schtum on the R and M in front of your H, and you had some fun together instead. Keeping everything crossed for you!
What a great evening. There are so many signs that H is taking steps back towards you. It will be a roller coaster, but you should be really pleased. So think about what is working and do more of it! Really awesome, I am happy for you!
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
WOW, sounds like you had a wonderful night!. I am so happy for you, and good going on your goals.
Things are looking good for you! Keep it up
bear
Me 42-Him 40 T20yrs Married 16yrs 2/06 H- "not sure if i want to be married anymore" 6/07 H-"I'm not happy" 9/07 Admits affair & OW 12/08 I moved out 12/09 still waiting for divorce
I'm keeping up my positive attitude.. even though H said something that irked me today.. I'm looking at it that I'm not suppose to listen to what he says but focus more on what he does.. but just so that I remember what he said that irked me I'm going to just give a coles notes version.
H and I both wear braces. He also needs surgery for his jaw. He had an ortho appt today and called me afterward to tell me about it (which was nice.. he's including me a lot more in his daily life).. anyway, he got on the topic of the surgery and how he'd likely need to take a couple of weeks off while his mouth is wired shut... so he'd likely just work from home.. but he'll have to get internet for the apartment so that he can actually get work done from home. Of course I said that sounded like a smart idea.. but in my head I'm saying "this is your home.. with me and D2 and we already have internet!!!".
Anyway, other than that. I'm reading "For Women Only" and am feeling like a complete failure as a wife. I've realized I did so many things wrong in my marriage.. it makes you want to run out and apologize.. but I won't. It would likely fall on deaf ears at this point anyway. What I did do though was email H this morning as I was listening to my ipod.. and thank him for the groovin' tunes. I told him I really appreciated it. He responded with a "cool".. and that I would likely really like a specific dj mix. Other than that he also emailed me to tell me that his teeth were killing him from his tightening... I affirmed.. said I knew how he felt since I had my ortho appt last week.. he responded.. can't remember what he said but wasn't important enough to warrant a response so I didn't reply...
He called tonight. We cracked a couple of jokes with each other.. you know, friendly, non feeling, non relationship, non marriage conversation. I wished him a good night and he said see you Friday. He asked to switch from Monday, Wednesday to Tuesday and Friday with D2 this week.
I'm keeping a positive attitude (although as I mentioned that book really has highlighted all of the errors I made in our marriage... but I'm learning... I'm learning... I'm learning - I need to keep reminding myself of that) and I'm holding NO EXPECTATIONS.
Hope you all have a wonderful evening. It's official. We are more than half way through the week. Phew!
It is crazy cold here.. brrrr!!! Had much difficulty dragging myself out of bed.. Teaching my daughter how to say "Brrr it's cold outside!" It sounds much cuter when she says it.
Okay, I need to say that the "For Women Only" book is really taking the wind out of my sails. I can't stop thinking about what a mess I've made of my marriage. I can only pray that I will be granted an opportunity to make some of these things right and to really learn from this.. but I guess if it's not with him it will be with any other male relationships I have or eventually have. As the book says though, it's in God's hands.... and what amazing hands they are!
Looking forward to getting through this book and onto Living in the Light. Hopefully will be able to do so before the end of the week.
