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all you old timers out there, did your h's who have now returned talk about money this way? Is this the final thing they do to separate from you???I'm trying to fight, it's just difficult...

Hi Grace;

I need to call you too but, I have come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter...the people who know me will know the truth, and the others,, oh well, the truth will come out....

I'm just worried about all the other stuff right now...

Thanks,

Treese,

Call anytime. I know that finances and all the rest are really worrysome. If I can help with any suggestions or just an ear, let me know.

HUGS

Hi Treese,

You need like SPM is saying, a good L. Because there are some things you never will think of. Or you beleave that the money he is offering to you monthly seems okay, but isn't.
Mostley it looks a lot but........

I just stept into the same case.H is pushing and pushing. H is offering me (I think a lot of money) every month money. But my L is saying (I had to fill in all the money I payed for one year ago and all the bills for housing, boating etc.)its not close to settle!!
I am very lucky I could find a lot very easely were the money wend to all over the year. I was paying a lot with my account. H account and all the other accounts, I can't look in, because he took everything with him and he is very angry when I am asking something about money!
This is very bad! To settle the money will say, more angry faces, words en screaming!! Thats for sure. But it is your future and the future for your kids! Treese bite into it and don't loosen it!
I hope I can do that too. It's my work right now!!
Mine will be veeeeeeerrrrrrry angry, I'll bet!!

Hang on it will be worse. They are real aliens, think that they can do everything! Oh yes and H is saying that he is offering me a reaaaaal good deal!! Is he kidding?? They are very me,me,me.
Well now it will be YOU!

Hugs.
Merel



H50
Me50
S22
T34,LT7,M23.
bomb11/07
moving out within 10 minutes
OW12/06

A lot of people have told me to talk to a L, though H& I are still living together and he is currently unemployed. What does this talk do, exactly--give you a sense of what you're entitled to, what is realistic, etc? I know nothing about this.

Also, is mediation an alternative to using a lawyer, or something people do in addition to seeing one?

I think the point of talking to the L at this point is to make sure that you are protected. To protect your common assets. And to anticipate what could be coming. I think it is especially important in cases where ther could be debt accumulating, to understand what you can do, and how that will be handled.

Talking to a lawyer de-mystifies the options for you. For people that say "I know nothing about this" it is especially helpful. Often you will be able to have a consultation for free.

Ask around now for recommendations. Think about who would know a good attorney.

Mediation is an adjunct. You still need an attorney to file papers and so on, but you can use a mediator to avoid paying double attorneys fees to do all the negotiation.

Another alternative of course, if you are divorcing, is to do the negotiation yourself, and then just involve the attorney to have the papers signed and filed. This works if you have an "amicable" split.

If you are DBing, you may want to weigh your options carefully. Using an attorney can jack the cost but can also slow the entire process down, which you may prefer. Using a mediator may speed the process up, but may not. Sometimes counselors (marriage counselors) can recommend mediators and attorneys who don't necessarily want to rush off to divorce.

Finally, LMG, I would suggest reading some books on the topic.

Journaling;

Got home last night to an email from H...of course he can't call my cell phone cause I might answer and he might have to hear my voice...I had asked him to take S10 to school this morning cause D15 had to be at school early....H said he was "unavailable" to do it. JERK!!(venting there)..and he said he was putting in a floor at his parents house this weekend and was making sure there were no kids ball games...well, I did not answer him.. if he can't call and talk to me about our children then tough crap....

Will somebody please explain to me a couple of things..first/why can't they call, H has talked to me every day for 29 years, now all of a sudden he can't talk to me..2nd/I think I'm really going crazy here...H to me acts bizzare and I believe he is MLC...when he is with his family and friends he acts like the man I married...so does he really just dislike ME or what...he will talk to the kids but not every day...and then it is only for 2 minutes..has not called D21 in 4 weeks. That is sad to me...his mom thinks he's ashamed and doesn't know how to get back....I think he's heavy in "love land" and doesnt care about me...and why doesn't he miss us after 29 years....it just makes me feel like I'm the one in la la land.

I do want to get where I can give it to God, and I do have a very strong faith....but sometimes it feels like God is letting me down...and I know it's H that's letting me down..I was actually yelling in the car this morning...said I didn't want to play this game anymore...I want off the rollercoaster (I never liked them anyway)...HHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh...........

Ok, so just venting.....

But....I am going to the basketball game tonight with some friends..our schools team is in the district finals. these are the kids at the school I work for...they are like my kids...they've been asking me to go,...so I am...

Treese

I know you want to understand why he can't talk to you. I don't know that he really understands. Probably just to hard emotionally, whether it's guilt or whatever.

I like yelling in the car. You can really let it all out.

I hope you have fun and the team does well at the game tonight. What other plans do you have for the weekend?

So, are there other things that can send them in to MLC. My H had a great childhood..Mom at home taking care of kids...volunteering for school, etc...he has both his parents...I have both of mine...his mom has been basically depressed most of her life as she lost her parents at the age of 12 in Belguim and came to the US with her sister...

Anyway,, I was trying to think of a trigger, as to when this all started and everyone seems to know but I'm not sure...We both had a total of 5 surgeries in 2006; H having a bicep surgery and then only to find out 6 weeks later that he had to have it again, because it didn't take the first time...he was down about that but I can't put my finger on any one thing...we've had a great marriage or so I thought....

and he just acts so normal in front of other people....I feel like I'm going nuts....

Treese