Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? In stabilization mode 2

I got an original 8x10 watercolour she bought for me, it was nice. Actually, we had a nice party together and she apparently did a lot of running around to get cake ingredients and cake decorations like little football candles! She thanked me for hosting the party as I know she was tired from entertaining her sister all week. She also went ahead and took care of signing over the car to me. She had me fill in some forms and then went and did all the work involved. She then paid for my new registration sticker as well. She left the papers etc on her table at home and when I picked up the kids yesterday I phoned her to make sure this stuff was for me to take. She sounded so excited telling me how she did all this herself and paid for my registration. It was like a little kid saying "see what I did!" I thanked her very much for taking care of this issue and promised to pay her for the registration.
So all in all, she's done as well as she can through this last few days... and she didn't f up my party! That's always good She even wore one of the little happy face party hats I bought to drive her nuts!

Happy blated bday!! hope you had a good time

Back in piecing, I was told that it was ok to shut the door...but not to lock it, just in case. I also don't see myself with the sorry excuse of a man H has become, if and when ever he grows a spine again and if he wants to begin some sort of R I might think about it. My feelings have changed for him, he is in such a hurry to D me that I don't feel much for him now.

I don't see anything wrong with not having fuzzy feelings about wanting your W back, I remember your posts in the separated forum, you took some of the worst abuse I've read about in these boards, with such dignity that I was always impressed by how big of a person you are.

It is ok to grow and head in the other direction.
It is raining here, and for a second i thought "my, how nice it would've been to cuddle up to H if he were here". Truth is, when he was here he'd just lay there staring at the TV during out time without kids, would just sit there not speaking at the table and bolted right after inhaling his food without even waiting for me to sit down.
I never really had a chance to do those nice things couples with emotional connections do, since he moved back in 06 he was here but not all here.

So I sit here listening to the rain and enjoying it all on my own, thank you very much, and it's ok.

I think that's the conclusion I've come to Cat. I want to leave the door open but not sit in front of it waiting...uh uh! The disrespect and emotional abuse I withstood from this person is something I have no wish to repeat. I must now re-build and make my self strong enough to once again allow appropriate R's to have a chance. That could mean with my W if she is able to make changes or with someone else if that comes to be. I will not allow bitterness to harden my heart as this only continues the pain for myself and those around me. I once told my W "I will not let you or anyone else turn me into someone I do not want to be" I think that remains the best road to travel right now.
Thanks for your wishes and encouragement. Hang in there Cat, us oldtimers have to stick together to get through this!

I just got off the phone with my XW, I called to ask a favour. It's amazing how hard it is for me to ask her to do something for me. I used to not ask but find alternatives or just not do what I was planning to do afterall she was under so much stress blah blah blah. So, I guess, this would be considered a 180 for me! I had agreed to take D and her girlfriend to dance class tonight but on Wednesday's I have been attending a video and discussion group at my church. So, if I take the girls, wait for them and drive them home I then miss my video night. I asked W if she would pick them up if I drop them off. This means she has to pick up youngest and oldest and I would pick them up at her place. She was her usual cold self but agreed with no problem to pick up the girls. Yippee! It's funny because I do her favours frequently yet I'm still reluctant to ask for one in return, that's my stuff that needs to be worked on. I am also relieved at not having to hang around the dance studio or patrol the malls alone. I don't need weekly reminders of being unwanted by Coffee Buddy, it really doesn't do much for my present paper thin self esteem! By doing other things I am moving on and not dwelling on that strange little blip in my life. so, it a win-win-win for me, I get to take part in my video night, ask and get a favour from W and avoid Coffee Buddy (who would be avoiding me anyway!). It doesn't get much better than that...well, not yet anyway!

OK, I'm feeling like Robo-poster today but what the heck! Cat mentioned in her recent post that the abuse I took from W was one of the worst she had heard on these boards. Sometimes I tend to forget how hard it was and how bad it was! When others react strongly I'm almost bowled over. Recently, I drove a co-worker home and she was asking me about my adjustment to single life. She knows the basics of my sitch but didn't know the really bad stuff, I tend to keep that to myself. In the course of our convo I found it really hard to explain some things and finally told her about the infidelity, I know she will keep it private but again I tend NOT to devulge this to people. Again, W and I work in the same field so I don't want to expose her personal business to others. Anyway, I told her of the struggles of trying to win back a M when your S is in an A. At that point my co-worker broke down and started crying and said "I can't believe that you lived that way for so long, it's just overwhelming!" That's it, I don't tell anyone else...they all start to cry. It brought home, once again, the depth of the hurt that was inflicted on me. If others respond this way at just the the thought of it, what must it have done to me to live this way for years? Whew! I told her that I took the pain because I wanted my M and family, I did what I had to do. I then told her that I was OK, I said "I know it's strange to say, and I'm not saying I'm glad it happened but I'm a far better, fuller person than I was before. I have a pretty good life believe it or not. I have great friends, two amazing daughters, a faith, a nice place to live, many activities...I'm gonna be OK" She told me that if I ever needed to talk she was there for me. It was nice to hear.
OK no more posts today, I gotta do some work!

Well, it seems W was at her best tonight, lecturing D's in front of their friends about respect (ironic, isn't it!). D14's friend has declared to D that she likes me "your dad is fun" but "your mom is kind of a bitch",no arguments there!I told D that mom has no concept of "right time and place", never has and probably never will. D10 says "mommy can never be wrong, even when she is!" D14 says "even when she admits she's wrong, as rare as that is, she says OK I'm wrong and maybe I just won't bother cooking your dinner for you tonight" What a child!
D14 also told me that Coffee Buddy has a restraining order on her XH now. D then said "oh, she's getting one on you too" I said in shock "for what?" and D burst out laughing "you should have seen the look on your face Dad, it was too funny" Great, now my D is using my pain for her amusement, it kind of makes me proud I feel so bad for coffee buddy as i wish I could be there right now to help her through as she helped me. Yet, it was her that decided that I'm toast so that's the way it is. Actually, I'd really like to go and beat the crap out of her X, she deserves so much better.
Anyway, that's my update and W is still a bitch, so all remains right in my world!

lol! you crack me up wii:D

If i were to tell someone what i've gone through from beginning to end their jaw would also drop, so I don't tell it to anyone. I still have to tell my family about the looming D, they are going to faint, they don't suspect a thing. I will omit the gruesome details, for, like you, when I find myself telling part of what happened it gets to me and I realize the sitch was just horrible.


from the mouth of babes...lol

Geez, I feel like the rich kid complaining that he doesn't have any Grey Poupon for his hot dog.

I love reading other sitches...puts mine in perspective and makes me feel thankful that I at least have a chance.

I have been contemplating talking to W about her habit of lashing out at the kids in front of others. She seems to have this idea that "I'm mad and you're gonna pay" Firstly, lashing out at all is wrong and it is not corrective, it is self serving and that's it. Admonishing the kids in front of their friends is disrespectful and selfish. I've passed this by my friends and each one says "don't do it" and it is true that I've brought it up before to no avail, she knows she's wrong and does feel guilt afterwards but does it change anything? Nope. I also feel it is the kids place to put forward their concerns rather than it becoming another place where she can say "oh yes Mr. Perfect, as usual you're right and I'm wrong" So I'll leave it for now. If it gets to a point where it becomes a too frequent pattern then I'll have to say something regardless of the outcome.
So as always, I'm in a far better place right now than she is. She's made her own bed and now she can lie in it!

Yes.. and while she is doing that good old "what's her name" can give her a foot massage !

Tom