Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? No children to draw him back.....no what???

The only way I can describe the way I feel about his is when I am with him I feel like that is where I am supposed to be. Good or bad I feel a sense of peace when he is around. He doesn't even have to apeak and when he is in the room I just feel that I am home. There are many times I can think of that he would be playing a video game and I would sit on the stairs and just for those few minutes watch him play. Not the game but him, the concentration in his face, the way he positioned his body when he played. I just loved to sit and watch him.

And when he would hug me I always for some reason just let out this sigh and snuggle into him. Like my world for that instance was a piece of heaven. I could have stayed there forever.

That is why I never asked for anything material. That is why I quit wearing perfume and why I didn't mind paying for a house that wasn't mine. Because when I was with him I felt whole and complete. I could have loved in a cardboard box with him and been happy as long as he loved me. But he stopped somewhere loving me.

I want that back. I want my hug but he is giving it to someone else. And I don't feel whole anymore. I walk around feeling like half a person. I have this feeling all day long like I am waiting for something but I don't know what. The feeling of expecting christmas but it hasn't come yet. Like I am biding time unitl IT happens but I don't know what IT is.

So I have bought the books and reading them and will reread them in the hopes that maybe he will give us another chance. If he doesn't then I can make myself a better person and realize I tried and that is all someone could ask for is to try.

Pinkribbon - we all know that "not whole anymore" feeling very well. I think for many of us (and I know for me) that's part of the PROBLEM. We let ourselves become "not whole" and that's very destructive to yourself and your M.

So, I challenge you to work on becoming whole all on your own.

I am trying. In fact tonight a girlfriend of mine and her husband are going to a party in another county. He plays in a local band and a bunch of bands are gathering to play. Not my scene normally but she wants me to go and meet different people than I normally do. So I am going in about an hour.

This becoming whole still doesn't help my marriage though? If he doesn't contact me ever how can I show him the LRT? And why doesn't he contact me? Is that normal for a husband just to walk away and never look back? He doesn't even care enough to ask where I live.

LRT is not for you to win back your Husband.

My advice for you is to get on with your own life, and leave him alone.

From the way you have described him I am not sure why you want him back.

For now, I would work on my own self esteem issues and find a way to get your self confidence back.

You do not need anyone to make you happy or to feel complete again. Many of us believe that when our Spouses walk away it was because of us. We learn to believe that we caused all of the problems, and we are the ones who failed the Marriage.

Did we add to the demise of the relationship? Absolutely but nobody should take the full brunt of it.

It definately sounds like your Husband has enough issues of his own that contributed to the problems.

Stop trying. Take the focus off of him and work on yourself.

Sometimes when we get to a healthy place and can see things for what they really are, the rose colored glasses come off, and he may have actually done you a huge favor by leaving.


It seems like you have a great relationship with your Daughter, and I would focus on that.

Leave him alone? I don't contact him. I give him space. I have totally walked out of his life like he wanted.

I just don't want to give up but I feel I don't have a choice. How can you work on a marriage if the other person flat out refuses? I read in the DB book that when a spouse has made up their mind and will not budge there is nothing the LBS can do but work on themselves.

I really miss him and wish he would have given us a chance. I just don't feel any better after 5 months of not seeing him and leaving him alone. I just have this sense of all this being unfair.

So many different cases I have read where the left spouse at least can talk to that person, try and make a difference. The the leaving spouse has not fully left. There is some form of contact, some even still live in the same house together. Why can't I get that? Why can't I have a chance to at least talk to him. Why am I giving him what he wants by leaving him alone? Obviously I am not getting what I want so why should I still cater to him by leaving quietly?

Pinkribbon - your "old" marriage is over, and it sounds like that's a good thing from what you've described. Also sounds like you're doing the right thing in terms of leaving him alone. You are right, there is nothing you can do but work on yourself.

YOU are responsible for making yourself happy - focus on that. You say it's been 5 months. What have you done during that time to make yourself whole, make your life rich and fulfilling?? If the answer is nothing, that you've been moping and dwelling on your situation, that's ok. Start now!! Just don't look back 5 MORE months from now with regrets, ok??

It may turn out that in the future you and your H decide to rebuild a new relationship together - it may not. Now's the time to get your focus on you and on making your future great EITHER way.

Each and every one of the LBS's here have heard that their WAS definately wants a Divorce.

Some actually go ahead and file, but not everyone here ends up in Divorce court.


Go back and read my post to you again.

Hi Pinkribbon. How was the party?

It sounds to me like you have made a good start in being good to yourself. You wear your hair the way you like it now, you are free to light candles and wear perfume. And your daughter is flourishing.

I know it hurts, and I know how much it sucks to not be able to talk to the H who was your friend. I miss that more than anything too.

I have done some things to make me feel better about myself but I guess I can do more. And yes in 5 months if I don't do them where will I be...depressed and still moping. So I will try and do some more things to make myself feel better and just try and forget about him as best as I can. I have to realize in my heart that it is over not just saying the words.

Thanks! I needed a pep talk! Go Cheering Secction!

Thanks brandnewday. We have 7 months until he can file for divorce and I haven't received any seperation papers yet. Anything can happen in 7 months! I'll reread the post again. Thanks!