WAH makes contact approx every 5 days to a week with my youngest daughter. Less with my middle daughter and hasnt at all with my oldest since she went back to school in FL. Over Christmas he saw/talked to her once. He contacts girls by cell..usually a text and will ask to see them. My middle "passes" on it, my youngest will hang with him for a bit but it is always awkward. We call it the "uncle you see once a yr at Christmas visit"
it goes like this..."sooo hows school? what grade you in again? any boyfriends? Soooo hows that sport going your playing???? what is it again??? Basketball? Oh wait soccer oh yeah soccer...hows that working out for ya? well it was nice talking to ya..we will have to do it again sometime"
yup thats about what they get now...this from he guy that used to sit for hours and teach them about life, birds and bees, boys you name it. He was an awesome dad.
Me? he contacts me as little as possible maybe once every 10 days to 2 weeks and always by text. It was more often before I confronted him regarding OW but now I know he just cant look at me ...fear? guilt? both?. I just leave him alone and give him the space. IF he does stop over he will have my youngest just run out to car so he doesnt even have to come in house..its just too much emotional baggage for him right now.
My friend told me last night "no way could I put up with what you are doing"
I just told her " well I know the person he WAS and I owe it to him and my girls to wait for him to come back"
Sorry to dissapointe you Jeff!!!! LOL
M 44 H 44 M 22 yrs D 20 D 16 D 13 Bomb 1 8/25/07 Bomb 2 9/30/07 Left 10/01/07 OW..yup
Me? I'm scrambling to save my family. My H is just scrambling.
Wow...you sound really in control of yourself! I'm impressed! I'm sorry you are in this sitch but am glad you found this place. The folks here are helpful and caring and will keep you in line when you get off track!
I too have gotten lost in my thoughts and found myself about 30 miles past my exit one day. Scary....!
Keep up the good work. You are handling everthing with dignity and grace!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
Welcome aboard! Yes yes, sorry your here and all....but WOW!am I glad you came! What an amazing post! What an amazing woman you are! Whats in the water ya'll drink???
Yes, be careful of those stop lights....and try to not drive past your house too often...the neighbors will eventually notice you turning around in their driveway
Congrats on the 35lbs!! Nothing like the MLC diet
This may sound odd....but it's good to see a newcomer with such wisdom and grace this early on!
Hugs
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
If only I could be as strong and as determined as you. If only I could trust that my H will come home someday as you seem to have.
I've always claimed to be a tough cookie but through this I've proven time and again that really I'm not. Sure I'm still standing here but most days I'm barely on one foot.
My H was an all around good guy as well, but he is the type that very possibly won't go to the work of trying to come back home after all this. I pray that he will but in reality I really can't see it happen. But yet I wait and most times I feel it will be for nothing.
M41 H42 D17 Adopted N14 M22 T24 "Bomb" 4/07 Sep 8/07 Admitted OW 11/07(only to me) OW back 12/4/07 PA on off thru 7/08 says done w/OW but not coming home 8/08 D final 7/09 Moving on and up!!
It is hard isnt it? I'm not so sure my H is type to work on it either? I actually really dont know as I/We have never played the MLC game before. Sigh. My H has a HUGE avoidant ( is that how you spell it?) personality so that makes me really nervous. Im afraid he will start to come around someday and flee even more as he will be so dismayed at mess he made. I can only give it to God at this point and trust him. I refuse to be anything but positive. I remember what Rollercoaster rider said back in a post a few weeks ago something to the fact of making home a place he WANTS to come home to. I have been clinging to that. I want it to be a place where he will be able to rest his weary soul ...when ever that happens.
In the meantime..it literally is one breath at a time, one step at a time and one day at a time...
never ever in a million trillion years did I see my life being here? Yuck. But I MUST make something good come out of his nightmare..I guess its my own little "coping tool", GALing???
Hang in there!
M 44 H 44 M 22 yrs D 20 D 16 D 13 Bomb 1 8/25/07 Bomb 2 9/30/07 Left 10/01/07 OW..yup
Me? I'm scrambling to save my family. My H is just scrambling.
HEY..YOUR THREAD TITLE MAKES ME THING WE ALL SHOULD HAVE BLACK RIBBONS OUTSIDE OUR HOMES....MLC HERE!
NO KIDDING...YOU ARE BRILLIANT.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
[/quote]I know it is not a joking matter, but I have to wonder after reading your story....was it his boss that gave him the "good" rating instead of "excellent"???[quote]
I was wondering this myself but it was asnwered farther in reading. Those OW's know just how to stroke H's egos.
You are amazing and don't feel you are weak if you need to cry, it just means you are human and have feelings.
Your H and Mine could be brothers. My H presented his MLC the same way yours did only he stayed in the house and the bedroom(which I think was soooo hard). Things are going pretty well now and we are trying to piece so thats where I post.
You have the right atitude about Ow also. She isn't worth putting ant effort into as it just keeps the A alive longer I think. Like you said it's not about any one but the WAS.
Hugs.
Wherer do you live in NY? I live in CNY near Pulaski and had three feet of snow yesterday.
JAK
Last edited by jak58; 02/21/0803:14 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
