W just called to say she would be home in an hour. She also said that tonight is girls movie night at home and that I am free to go see my friends. In the pre bomb days I would have been ecstatic....today all i want to do is spend time with my family. Ah what the hay, getting out will do me some good, I am sure. Can't help but feel like i am being told that my presence is not welcomed. How many married guys out there would love to have a boys night out? The more I think about this the better I feel. I'll go do some ice skating with D7 tommorow and probably some more male bonding later on....unless W has plans for "us". Stranger things have happenned.
W got home at 7:30 2 hrs. after her call...no big deal you say.....well D7 was waiting fro her supper from W (Happy Meal). D7 called her 3 times from 6:30 -7:00...no answer (happy hour I guess). Needless to say I was not amused and left immediatelly after she came in....me myself and i showing her ugly face again...starting to have serious doubts on custody....I am not a happy camper right now because i don't think D7 is W's priority. W's excuse was that she knew D7 was not starving because she was with me. What kind of mom would rather have a drink after work than have supper with her daughter?
I understand the frustrations. My kids have been going to bed 3-4 nights a week at least before H gets home from whatever he is doing (bowling, dinner w/co-workers, out for a beer, running hay, etc). I can't imagine he doesn't miss spending time with them like they miss him. So I totally get how you feel about D7 and your W.
I too still feel that my H should include me in his plans (not in the actual activities necessarily but tell me what he has planned) since we still live together. H told me he was going up to IA this afternoon for job paperwork and then to his parents' house for the evening. I returned a call from him a couple hours ago. He mentioned in the conversation that he was at a friend's house 100 miles from his parents' house? On a gut level I was aggravated b/c he listed his plans for me twice today and never mentioned going over there. He could have driven back home tonight and seen S and D. But instead he drove over to a buddy's and is spending the night in Iowa. Anway not to hijack your thread, just saying I agree, they seem to be focused intently on doing what they want, and we are more and more becoming afterthoughts. That is where I agree, the separation thing would force them to see how things would be different without us. Let me know if you figure out a way to separate without actually moving out
BobbiJo, looks like you slept as much as me last night.
W is in a good mood and is sending off work related e-mails that i am proof reading. Wonder who will proof read her stuff in a couple of weeks.
Moving out will be tough but is neccesary at this point for me. The only thing that would stop me is W saying don't move out yet let'S give this a real try (we know what the chances of that happening are). Anyhow W is going skiing this aft. with D7 and SD17..no invitation for me...I actually feel ok...does not bother me at all. Perhaps I'll go ice skating with D7 this morning if she is up to it. Actually W is going to try snowboarding for the first time...I guess that is part of her quest to stay young. She will be in serious pain this evening I am sure. I have not announced that I am leaving yet...no rush...I want to make sure my apt. is free first...second I plan to do the actual move when my W takes a day or three away with D7 during spring break (I will not be invited to that either). Although she did want me to go to the movies together last weekend.....we shall see...no real rush i guess.
Yeah, John, I went to bed around three o'clock. Combination of active mind and painful ankle..... Hope that things start to resolve themself for you. I am with you, if my spouse would say, "Please stay with me, I want you in my life", it would make it so easy to stay and try. But without that, it feels like I am just spinning my wheels waiting for something from him that may never happen.
Hope you had fun if you went ice-skating. Enjoy the weekend!
No ice skating today. W took D7 skiing. I spent some time with some of my buddies...smoking cigars eating pizza and watching a hockey game. I know not very healthy. During the day, W called to tell me MIL was coming over for a Girls supper (D7 and W and MIL). God help me...not exactly the type of environment D7 should be around. Anyhow, I'll spend some time with D7 on Sunday.
Prir to me leaving overheard W speaking on the phone trying to organize a couple of days away for her and her daughters. I will take that time to move my stuff. I am tying to figure out when the best time to tell my W that i am moving out will be. Probably Sunday night or Monday morning. She will be in Europe for 10 days at the beginning of April and in Mexico for a week at the beginning of May. I guess she is depending on me to hold down the fort. It's time I start to act like a man and do what needs to be done. She is making no effort to spend any time with me so why should I be accomodating. No more Mr. doormat. I won't turn into an a**hole but she needs a wakeup call and she is about to receive it. I am tired of the whole situation and I am actually looking forward to the change of scenery.
I agree completely. Caught me on a bad night (morning actually as it is 3 a.m. again.). Sometimes you realize you are doing all the heavy lifting and your spouse is doing absolutely nothing in terms of the relationship. I can't carry the load any more. Sounds like you can't either. They will get a wake up call when we are gone. They may like the freedom. They may hate the loneliness. But we can't continue on like we are. At least that is how I feel........ Never knew how lonely it could feel to want a hug at 3 am and not have someone to give it to you. Sorry if I am bumming you out. I just get what you are saying. You are ready for some peace and a break from what life is like these days. I get that. I wish you all the best and will be checking up on you a lot......
You are not bumming me out BobbiJo...just a little dose of reality...nothing wrong with that. I know what you mean about the hug. Every morning and every night I hope that W feels like hugging me. At the end of the day this is only a bandaid on a deep cut. I don't want hugs anymore, I want committment, I want a future. W is not there today and I don't see things changing any time soon.
W woke up this AM and told me about her snowboarding lesson. Then went into a tirade about the coffee maker not working well. Finally, we had a conversation regarding her buying me out. After explaining to her what I thought would be best for everyone involved (4 month trial for her to see if she could manage / payments and D7) which she refused outright, I gave her the number I need. I am taking at least a 50K hit. She wanted to payme an amount and something a little later. Ny response was this is your plan and there is no way that I will come chasing you in two years for money. She needs to do what it takes to get the money I am entitled to. She said she wanted custody of D7..... get this because the responsibility will ground her??????? I told her I would never accept that and not to use that as a bargaining tool. It was almost like she was trying to negotiate me down in exchange for her having custody. I said the worst I would accept (temporarily until the end of the school year) is D7 with her during the week and with me on weekends. It is obvious that with her schedule and her plans, She will not be able to cope alone. Anyhow, I told her that I did not want my D to be brought up by MIL. I told her I was out at he end of the month. W said she had an opp. to go away for a week in a condo (free) in the Dominican Rep. She is going away to Mexico at the end of April. I strongly suggested that she tighten the belt a little. I am mentionning this to give you an idea or where her head is. How can you even think of going away for a week'S vacation every month? At this time I was getting a little hot under the collar and left before things got out of hand. The phone rang a few hrs. later asking me how I was. I told her the truth....I am awful. She said she was not jumping up and down herself. Asked me if I was coming home for supper and I said yes. She then proceeded to ask me what our monthly expenses were.....she has no idea what our bills are per month. So there you have it. I just got home D7 and W probably went skiing again. Sounds like a nice evening shaping up...Dog is barking the gang just got home....wish me luck.
I think everyone will have to pray real hard if a miracle is to happen....here is the latest: If I agree, W now wants the trial run. She makes all the payments and I move out. W does not want to put the house up for sale. I strongly suggested that we put a pretty high price on it so that we at least get an idea of what it is worth. She said no, she wants the house. If I were positive, I would say that she is doing this not only as a trial financially but also a relationship trial. Her trip with the kids next week is cancelled...interestingly enough, if she can get her free condo she is out (alone)....I have a feeling this is a done deal becasue when I suggested that she is already going to Mexico at the end of April she got aggressive saying she needs a holiday. Her business trip to France has been cancelled. Not exactly a nice atmosphere at home. She is pretty firey and always overreacts initially and then cools down. I need to stay out of her way tonight. Her thinking on the free condo trip is something that i struggle with. It is not what I would call "normal" thinking.....but I digress. I still plan to move out at the end of the week.
