You can let the L do the foot-dragging for you -- while you act all friendly and cooperative towards your H. You make a point of shrugging your shoulders and saying something like, "Gee, I guess these things just take a lot more time than we realize. I am sorry, H, but its in the hands of our attorneys now."
See, you let your L and the legal system appear to be the reason behind the delays, while you play innocent.
I really goofed yesterday though, and I am so embarrassed that I am cringeing. I have a friend at the college I am attending and he is a sweetie. Just friends, very innocent, and besides, I wouldn't break my vows even if I did feel romantic toward him. Plus, It's kind of a boost to my ego that he likes to talk and have lunch together in the cafeteria.
Anyway, I sent the following email yesterday:
Hi Ken
Sorry I missed you in class today, I had a few hours of OJT and it went a bit longer than I planned.
Anyway, we'll meet as planned tomorrow.
Love, K
Anyway, it was accidentally sent to H instead of K!! I hit H's addy (J)instead of K's because their names are right next to each other's in the outlook addy book. K confirmed to me this morning that he never got an email from me.
So, here I sit in the school library, wondering what H is thinking. But I am just going to do nothing to call attention to it by trying to explain my way out of it to H in another email.
Well, just had lunch with my friend, and I feel kind of sad and guilty at the same time. Maybe because it's Valentines Day and my H should be with me instead of his OW, maybe it's because my lunch date seems semi-adulterous for me, religion-wise. The truth is that I miss the companionship that H and I used to have.
H and I have an appt. next week to file joint tax return. Should I even bother to show up? I could just drop off my tax records and H could do the appt. alone. I always went to the tax office alone with our papers before, and all H had to do was sign them when they were finished.
I am afraid he will serve me D papers then because obviously it would be good timing for his process server to catch me. On the other hand, it would be a chance for me to act cool under pressure if he does serve me. Plus, H and I have had little to no contact since he split.
I seriously don't know what to do. I feel sick and helpless again.
I found out that H took his D, OW and her two D's to the beach for the long weekend. He has no idea that I know about his shiny new "family", and it's killing me.
Yesterday was the appointment to get our taxes done. I was concerned that H would use this opportunity to have a process server there to hand me D papers. So, I dropped off my part of the paperwork early and did not show up for the appointment. I was sick of dancing to H's tune and they didn't need both of us there anyway.
And sure enough, my phone started ringing, my cell started ringing, and I think H just couldn't believe that I wouldn't show up. He finally texts me saying I need to review and sign our taxes. I text back this morning: ok.
So H shows up this morning unannounced, knocking, ringing the doorbell, and I thought about not answering because he's so cold and distant. But, I answer the door and H tries to walk inside so I step out onto the porch. I see he has a big envelope and he says, "I have something for you to sign". I take it, thinking it is our taxes, but....Ta-Da!!!! It's D papers. As soon as I see what they are, I shove them back at him and say," You can't serve these to me yourself!"
Then, just before I go back inside, I say, "Jimmie, don't you ever come to my house again. I would never dream of going to yours." I closed the door as H slunk away.
I know I backslid, but I swear, WHAT A DUMBASS!!! A spouse cannot serve the other spouse D papers, a third party has to do that in this state. And he wanted me to just sign them then and there after a quick read-through!!!! Either he's got a real winner for a lawyer, or he's trying a quickie do-it-yourself deal so he can hurry up and marry his single-mom-gf-with-two-kids. Blech!!
I really am done now. I guess we all have our limits.
But,if H wants this D so bad, he can do all the heavy lifting. I can't believe that H is so deluded that he thinks I would just sign away my marriage on the porch of my own home. And it is my home, I bought it 20 years before marrying H.
God Bless you Kimmie Lee! I was looking for you on the boards and am so said I have found you here. I wanted things to work out for you. But if H is not in "that place", then I wish you peace as you deal with the fall out. I don't know what will happen to H but as you already know, 90% of Affairs do NOT end happily ever after. Whatever garbage he brought into your M he will bring into the new relationship too. He will have to learn on his own to deal with his own mistakes. I just pray you have the strength to help heal yourself in this time. Thinking of you........
It was especially bad yesterday because I was already so nervous getting ready to leave for the first day of a new job when H showed up. Not that he knew that, not that he would have cared.
My first day there went ok, and my boss seems nice, but I couldn't wait to get home and fall apart. My eyes are so swollen from crying last night.
I miss sharing my life with H and talking to him, but I can't anymore because anything I say can and will be used against me by my "loving" H. He would be so happy that I am getting on with my life so he won't feel guilty.
So sorry about the D papers. It's unbelievable that he showed up at your doorstep and wanted you to sign right then and there! And he didn't even call first? Seems like he wanted to catch you off guard.
It's great that you're up on the "dos and don'ts" of the laws in your area. God knows what's in those papers. It's certainly something you 'just sign' like an everyday thing. Will you review them with a lawyer?
Stay detached. Get out with some friends this weekend. Go do something! Don't sit around and think about the sitch...
