I have decided to stand for my M. I have decided that I will wait as long as I need to. I love my W and have no desire to be with anyone else, EVER. I married late in life and that was for a reason. The reason was, that I hadn't met W yet.
Without getting too sappy I can honestly say that she was worth the wait and that not only is she my first wife, but she is also my last.
I have to admit that sometimes I suffer a great deal when I see her and have to keep my thoughts of love and my hands to myself. I try to not think about how we used to be, but I don't always pull it off. And who'd want to? There are some pretty terrific memories there. I guess that is what makes days like today difficult. I want to help her and be there for her like I used to, but she doesn't want me to be that way toward her.
She moved out a little more than a month ago and is living with another guy. She says it is platonic but I couldn't tell you if that is the case or not. To be honest I don't think it really matters. Gone is gone. I do a lot of praying and have gotten much closer to God in recent weeks. It has helped, I just pray that it brings W back home and restores out M.
We do go to MC and have an appointment on Tuesday for another session. She does talk to me, mostly about the kids, but we don't fight about stuff. I have told her to let me know if there is anything she needs and we still pay bills from the same account. I think she is having a hard time figuring out who she is. When she figures it out my door will be open as will my arms and my heart. This is the woman of my dreams and I will always be here for her and the boys whether she wants me or not.
I said the words and meant them. For better or worse in good times and bad, I am committed and I am turning my face into the storm. I'll be here when the wind stops blowing.
Sorry for rambling. I just need to let things out from time to time.
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
Sorry you are having an off day. It happens to the best of us. H and I talked today while he was here earlier and I goofed and asked when he was coming home and he reminded me that he isn't and we discussed us and the future in regards to the kids and me and he asked me not to move out of state and he will make sure we are taken care of. He called me HUN which was one of his 2 pet names for me and shared that he is in fact not living with his parents but with friends who are helping him out right now but won't tell me who. He opened the tool box on the back of his truck to get some tie straps out since he was taking out basketball hopp to his parents for the kdis to use while they have their BIG monthly family dinner and what I had suspected I saw to be true, he seems to be living out of it. His duffle bag was in it and shoes and a mountain of dirty laundry. I offered to wash it and have it ready when he brings the kids home but he declined. He probably leaves it for his mom to do once a week and picks it up from his folks house weekly when he comes here to see the kids. He said his friends he is staying with are helping him right now and that he doesn't owe them any money for rent or anything because I did ask him that much. He still insists there isn't anyone else and that would only complicate him right now anyway since he is all about doing for him right now. He seems to really mean it when he says there isn't anyone else so I do have to believe him.
He told me he just doesn't feel it for me anymore like he should as a husband and doesn't think he has for a long time and still feels we were just comfortable and habit for each other...whatever...then he went on to talk about how his life has been an open book and everyone knows who Danny is and what he is about and that he wants new adventures and wants to write some new chapters for himself. Full blown MLC in my opinion. He goes from saying he is so very sure about life in one sentence and that he is never coming home and happy to then saying he doesn't know what he wants to do right now with his life and how life hasn't changed really for him since he left. He is so confused and lost within his own mind and heart.
I too have come closer to God and pray every night for his work to be done within H's heart and for his help in restoration of marriage for us. I told H today that he may have decided we were done but that I WILL NOT give up on him and us, that we committed to each other for life and to our children for life when we made them. He of course had no repsonse other than a little bit of a head shake.
Our spouses are so confused and bewildered about life they can't see the forest through the trees and don't realize yet what they are giving up in order to have this so called better life and new experiences. Humans go through emotional growth periods and physical growth periods and we are always evolving mentally and spiritually. This is just one of those times and we vowed to be there through thick and thin and good and bad. They will appreciate our resolve when they choose to come home to us in a month or 6 or a year or 2. Until my H returns I PROMISE him, myself, God, and my children that I stand for my marriage and it's restoration. I will not stray from that with another man for my H is the only man I vowed to be with for my entire lifetime.
Keep it up Bryan. Come here as you need to, heaven knows I do.
Last edited by mymonkeybug; 03/02/0811:07 PM.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
