Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? WIfe Has left

Welcome to DB. Sorry that you're here, but you are in a place that understands.
As a mom, it always amazes me when women walk away from their kids. I just can't it past my brain on that one.

But, you are doing the right thing by validating her and giving her space. I also wouldn't stress her out about the kids. No need to call with problems like failing grades. She's too far away to do anything about it and it might sound like you can't handle it yourself.

Is this guy from Iraq back in the states? Does she have contact with him? It sounds like AT LEAST an emotional affair. Just as painful in my book.

Hang in there. Hang out with us, and we'll help you the best we can.

You are wise to validate her. I didn't do that like I should have but am doing it now. Better late than never!

I am glad the kids are still with you. Sounds to me like she isn't very stable right now since she is living with family and looking for a job...

The guy from Iraq is in Sweden now and she does have contact with him through the internet. I have talked to him even about her leaving and stuff like that. My W said that she is going to tell him she has feelings about him and she would let me know when she did. But I talked to him anyway and told him that I would change and do what it took to make her happy if she chooses that. I also told him just to be a friend to her like he has been. I want her to do well on her own, and I understand the space that she needs right now.

Thank you all for your kind words, they have helped just want to make sure I am staying on the right track.

Just to let everyone know during the two and a half months before she left and I was trying to convince her to stay divorce was only mentioned less than a half dozen times. she did although want me to file and I told her that would not do that.

I know that she just needs time and I am trying to get myself and my kids to the point of being able to live with out her in the house or even close. I am just afraid of the backseat parenting that she might do from afar.

I ahve talked to her mother and she has asked me to stall the big D as long as I can because she doesn't want it to happen but when I asked her to encourage her to work it out she said that she is going just support her in the decisions she makes......This I find extremely frustrating

Okay it has been about a week since my wife has left. The first couple of days I noticed that we have been talking just like normal but over the last couple of days I have noticed that now she only tells the kids what is going on there with her and not really talking to me about those things.

I know that she is trying to create a greater seperation but it scares me that maybe she won't start talking to me again.

Any thoughts?

Well I had a good chat with the W last night on the comptuer. There was no relationship talk. But she was pretty open to sharing things with me that were going on there. I am at work now so I am going to order the divorcebusting book and such so I know how to set some goals.

I do have some goal in mind just don't know if I am going to be able to stick to them.

Whatever you do, don't ask HER mom to help drive YOUR agenda. That will backfire. While it is frustrating for you and the kids, your W is her mom's daughter and mom wants to support her. Mom doesn't know what goes on behind closed doors.

The Divorce Remedy book will help you, as will participating on this board.

Right now, the only person you can control is yourself, so get to work on him! If you think you will have trouble with your goals, tell us about it. Many of us are in similar situations and may be able to help.

Oh, and don't call her "the wife" again! Most women hate that!

Thanks I'm on the right track to get the kids on a routine and such. It has been a week now and things are starting to fall into place as for the kids and I.

I have ordered the DB and DR books and I can't wait to start reading them.

AS for her mom she was the one that had asked me to stall with the big D as long as I could. I have no intention of asking her mom to help. Although I do think that she has an agenda of her own wether it benefits the sitch, I will just have to wait and see.