OMG! You guys are too funny!!! OW jibe agency... hummmm. You have no idea how naughty I could be with this (and have been!). Oh gosh!!! Sometimes I get ideas and have to keep myself from doing them, but there have been moments when it's just too tempting to when I know it's a safe little way to help make OW's life just a little bit miserable.
I'm kind of lucky because my husband's OW was an easy target. She was married and wanted to be married. Ooooooh! Fun for me....
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Well, it's good to be back here and good to have D3 back at home. The visit with my friend was good. She told me that she can tell I'm getting stronger. The time with my family was good too. We didn't talk much about the situation though, which was fine. It was nice not to think about it for a short time.
A bit of journaling......... Friday: Had lunch with H before leaving town. It was quiet, but fine. H asked questions about what I was going to do that night and told me to make sure I called when I got there. Got to my friend's house (called H who twice told me to have a good time). Hung out with my friend and just talked.
Saturday: Went to my parent's house and hugged D3 non-stop. It was nice to see her. Had D3 call H and let him know that mommy had made it there. Just hung out with the family & went to dinner. H called at 10:15 on Sat. night but I didn't get to the phone in time. I called back right away (twice) and no answer. Not sure what that was about. Snuggled with D3!
Sunday: Went to church with my family. Got to see a lot of people I don't normally get to see. Was nice to have some old neighbors (elderly folks) tell me how nice it was to see me and how D3 is the spitting image of me. Let D3 go to Sunday School too. She loved it! Called H while waiting for D3.....to see if he was still alive. He was snippy and didn't say much, told him we'd call later. He was obviously hung over. Spent most of the day with my mom & then with my sister.
Monday: Got ready to go back home. H called in the morning. He asked why I hadn't called him back Sun. night. Told me to please call him before I left. Said good-bye to the family & called H. He joked about "party time" being over now that the family was coming back. H said he wanted to leave work early so he'd be home soon after us. Got home and noticed a few strange things. H had straightened up a little. All my nightgowns were hung up in my bathroom, but other clothes were not put away. I asked H about it and he snapped at me a little. Then he asked me what I was thinking and to be honest with him. I told him that I thought maybe someone had been at our place. He told me that it wouldn't make a difference what he told me, as I wouldn't believe him anyway. I just said, H, that's not true....however, I will tell you that I do not want anyone that I do not know or OW to ever step foot in my home. Things relaxed after that. I really question what he did when I was gone. I can't change it or control it, but feel like maybe someone was there. Got D3 to sleep very easily!!
Tuesday....so far. Snuck a peak at H's phone. Not looking for calls to/from OW, but calls on Sat. night when I tried to call him back. H had several missed calls that night from me and one of his friends. Helped D3 get ready for school. H now starts work at 9:00 on Mon. & Tues. so D3 has to be there at 8:00. Went to an 8:00 am therapy session, which I really needed. My C said that she is very proud of me for how I look like I've progressed since the last time I saw her. She feels like I'm seeing things more in the "big picture" sense instead of seeing this as my fault, although she understand that it still doesn't stop the hurt. She understands my hesitation of either leaving or asking H to leave and insists that one day it will just become clear to me what I need to do. She said that she'd put money on the fact that I'm the only one in H's life that he has truly get close to him and that he still loves me, but I'm also the one who has seen his true colors, failures....etc., and that's why he feels the need to find someone else and other friends to spend time with.....people that don't know him & his past. I agreed with that.....see Sheila, it's just as you explained it to me.
Came to work just a tad late because of the C session, but the bosses understand.........THANK GOD!
H talked about a few dates in the future of things he is/wants to do. One date was in May. Not sure why he's telling me these things, but I'll just take my life as I can. I'll continue to live for me and D3 and look toward what I need to do for our future. If H wants to be a part of it, he can ask to join back in......but he better do it sooner than later.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I've been reading a lot of threads but haven't had a chance to respond. I'll do so as soon as I can.
Hope you're holding up okay. I read your thread and yes......I also cry in the shower, in the tub, in bed, in the car, at my desk....etc. I'm doing better, but I think we all let loose with those soul cleansing cries sometimes!
Take care- Sue
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Glad you had a nice weekend. H was worried about you, checking on you, those are good things. It IS weird about the house stuff that you noticed, but you stated your boundary, let's hope he listened.
I wonder what I can put in the pies....
