After reading a few threads over the last day or so, it is painfully obvious that part of this whole WAW thing is OM or potential OM or OM lurking etc. Now you can argue like some do that it is a symptom and not the cause or whatever. Regardless WASs usually have their eyes on someone and they can't admit it to us. The truth will come out in due time. Another common denominator is irrational behaviour (or at least what we perceive to be irrational). I may regret this for the rest of my life but my conclusion is to give her a dose of reality and quite honestly if it backfires, so be it. I know Phil says that we should love unconditionally and not expect anything back but i don't know how long someone can keep that up. I guess that is what patience is all about. My argument with all this is if we make life easy for our WAS (live in the same house...pay the bills etc.) change our ways ...they admit that they like the changes but still want to move forward then how long does one keep at this? Can you tell I am struggling with leaving? At the same time I am tired of W'S me myself and I attitude. As a stupid example; I told her last night that I was taking my car in to the garage early in the morning. This morning she says you probably told me this already but where are you going this morning? That is what i am dealing with...I am tired of it. I am not able to give all the time and get nothing in return. I have decided to shake things up a little...roll the dice. Hope I feel better in the morning....I am having more and more trouble sleeping as my self imposed departure date gets closer.
John, I tend to feel that the OM is not always just a symptom. I believe that the lure of the OM is the trigger that finally causes all the built up pressure in the spouse to then become a full blown WAS.
I too noticed that my WAW lost a lot of her short term memory in regards to schedules. I think their minds are abducted by aliens and are living on another planet where such a thing as responsibility does not exist.
Dont let your immediate frustrations rule your decision making process. Take your time before rolling those dice and make sure that you use some weighted dice to work in your favor.
Well here we are on the eve of another weekend.....regardles of what I write on these boards, say or do, the bottom line is my expectations are that my W includes me in her plans. When will it sink in that I need to get a life and that my happiness should not revolve around my W...at least not now. I am far from being out of the woods.
This is going to take time John... but you really need to look at yourself and see if there are personal interests that you'd like to pursue. Ones that don't involve your wife. Are there some things that you'd like to learn or do that you've never taken the time for before? Now's the time.
Stay strong and try to start getting a life for yourself!
We're cheering you on all the way!
W2G
Last edited by Where2gofromhere; 02/22/0801:26 PM.
It sucks I know. I'm just "doing it". For example, I told the kids last night that we are going out to dinner Sat night. I ask the W if she wants to go. She said no. However we are still going (kids and I).
Thanks for your encouragement...it is really appreciated. Just spoke to one of my more understanding buddies. He asked how we were doing and of course i give him the story. He said that I have been very patient and he agreed on my "plan". Actually he suggested it to me (3 month trial run). It will be hard but it has to be done.
The trial run has to be a go for me...but that is just me. Just a feeling I have that W will not move forward if there is no seperation. On the woman thing, interestingly my W often asks me about my "intentions". I have not given it any thought (actually I can't even think about my sex life post present W). Of course what helps is not putting yourself in a position where one may get into trouble.
