Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Invasion Of Privacy

Oh.. in case you hadn't realized this yet - this is WAY beyond your original question about privacy. You need to get away from the abuse - the affair pales in comparison to the rest of what's happened/happening to you. You've been living it so long you may not see that but I hope we're helping you to realize that it's not normal and it's not OK.

Hey Nik.. thanks a bunch. .and holy cow there still a bunch of stuff on there!!

Yes, I think snooping is invasion of privacy, but if they are cheating than it is violating your marriage vows and that trumps the invasion of privacy. I doubt there is a LBS who has never snooped, including me.

My H started hiding everything when I found out about the and started snooping. He changed passwords to his phones and his email. He didn't like me snooping. I told him if he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't be doing such things.

Honesty and trust are vital to the success of a marriage. If a WAS have nothing to hide, then they wouldn't care. If you didn't have your suspicions, you wouldn't want to snoop. But you do have your suspicions, and he is crying foul play at you for snooping, that indicates to me that he is hiding something.

There's a reason LBS snoop. We want the truth. I found this months ago when this topic was going on between my H and I: http://www.buzzle.com/editorials/6-28-2005-72252.asp

If your H is breaking the sanctity of marriage, breaking the vowels that you took, etc., you have the right to know.

But, like NikB said, I think the is the least of your worries! I think he is a ticking time bomb. You definitely need to get away from him. You said you had no family, what about friends? If there are no shelters in your area, try to call an abuse hotline.

There are lots of localized groups, this is a national group:
1-800-799-SAFE - National Domestic Violence Hotline (this is a US group).

I would stop snooping. You don't want to push him over the edge. Be more worried about your safety and your kids -- that is more important than his A. He doesn't matter. Your safety and welfare is!

Joie

Hi Crystalblue,

I'm a newbie here. - following your sitch and praying for you and your family.

Since there's a good chance his family is monitoring your phone calls, here's the web address for the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The site will tell you where to get help in your area (if you're in the US - including US Virgin Islands and PR); they also provide instructions on how to clear your history on the computer. Godspeed.

http://www.ndvh.org/help/help_in_area.html

LMJae

CrystalBlue - how are you doing? Thinking of you.

Crystal Blue,

I think you need to pick up the kids from school today, or take them out to 'the market,' and then just vanish. Take NOTHING. Just go TODAY!

I don't want to read about you and your children in Newsweek.

CrystalBlue,

When and IF possible, whether it's every day or once a week, please check in and let everyone know you're alright.

Be safe, hon.

You're welcome - and, I know!! I was amazed at how little deleting your history actually gets rid of.

Crystal,

Your 24 year old, is he living with you? He should be old enough to help you and the 16 year old get away. There has got to be some help in the county you live in. Look in the yellow pages under family service, call the courthouse or the Dept. of Human Services. Call churches or go to your doctor and tell him/her what is going on and you fear for your life and that your H has ways of finding out what you do and that you can't go through the sheriff's office. I wouldn't leave in the car since it is in his name, he can just have it run down and charge you with theft. But, you could take the money for a tank of gas to get a bus ticket to the next town and then go to the law there. There are some types of underground protective services where it is done by sort of a chain link so the H cannot find you b/c the person before (in the chain link) doesn't know where you went next, etc.....if that makes any sense. There are ways Crystal, but you have to be very brave. Are your children boys? They should be able to help protect you, expecially the 24 year old. Is he M? If the 24 yr old is your son, then he is old enough to get away and get help for you from somebody. Where are your relatives? Can you email them for help?

Before you have your plan in place, don't do anything to set your H off and hurt you. Don't do any more snooping. Like you said, just pretend to be happy and ignorant of anything going on.

Everytime you use the internet and especially like this Board, go up to the tools bar and click on "tools" then click on internet options, then click on delete all history, cookies, etc. Then go to other sites that doesn't mean anything to fill up some history space.

You do not have to live like this! I don't know how you have stood it this long. It sounds like his family is as bad as he is.

May God bless and keep you safe.

Sandi

Crytal - any updates?