Thank you. I am going to get out I just have to be smart about it. His family lives right behind our house and they watch the house like a hawk. If I go somewhere he knows. I am getting ready to start donating items so they get used to seeing me pack things into the car. Otherwise I'm sure they'd call him and I wouldn't get very far. I never realized they paid that much attention to us until recently during a visit they told him they'd seen a vehicle come by a couple times, and asked about a delivery of a new gas tank. Guess they don't have anything better to do. I also learned they listen in to my phone conversations which are few and quite boring through their scanner. It's just too bizarre to comprehend to tell you the truth.
Anyways, if I go around "acting" happy the kids and I aren't in any immediate danger. It's when we leave that things will get ugly. He's barely here anyways these days. I'm just going to be smart and cautious so nothing bad happens.
Originally Posted By: GoingForward
Oh my god.
CrystalBlue,
PLEASE get out of there. I, for one, would never tell anyone to give up on their M, but my lord. The dead cats thing?!! That is a prelude for horrific violence to come. I've read and heard that animal abuse is very often a precursor to violence against people, as your H's statements about being able to hide bodies.....I am just so very sorry and scared for you and your family.
There has got to be help somewhere nearby. If you feel you can't go to the proper authorities, what about getting in contact with a local church? Some kind of support group? People will help if you ask for it.
Step number one - if you are using the home computer, you MUST erase all signs that you have been here. You might not be safe if your H accidentally stumbles across this site. If you're not sure how to erase the history and then visit some other sites so the history isn't blank, find out.
If he only gives you enough money for groceries, start shopping really frugally and keeping the change. Beans and rice may just "happen" to be on the menu, right?
Do NOT tip your hand - the most dangerous time for an abuser is when you leave. Be nice to him, don't change your behavior. Ask for help from that nearest women's shelter - they may have some way to get you out of there, even though they're far away.
When you leave, it is ESSENTIAL that he doesn't know where you are. This might be a problem, as I don't know if the law enforcement family members might know where the shelter is. Discuss it with the shelter.
Do you have an old friend that H doesn't know? You should nOT go anywhere that he might guess at; the best thing is to go somewhere they couldn't possibly know about. Then get an attorney. Immediately.
Don't discuss it with your kids beforehand. They might accidentally spill the beans, or might be opposed to leaving.
Oh - just saw where he makes you show him the grocery receipts.
Is there anyone you know who might let you "buy" their groceries for them and then give you the money? Hmmm, seems dangerous if you're in a small town, you'd really have to trust the person.
The way I see it, you may just have to wait until you have a tank of gas (does he let you fill it up?)and then just head for a shelter. If you don't have enough gas, you might just have to rely on the kindness of strangers once you get out of town.
Don't worry about taking stuff with you. If you have to leave with just the clothes on your back, so be it.
Can you take the kids to the movies? Some excuse to be gone with them for a couple of hours before he would get suspicious?
CrystalBlue - I know it won't be a LOT of money but could you sell rather than donate some of that stuff? eBay or Craigslist or something? Might be tough to do when you're being watched so closely but it would be great if you can get at least a small stash of money saved up. As Ellie said though - don't worry so much about taking "stuff" or waiting too long just to get money saved. If you can, great, if you can't, just get OUT before you or the kids get hurt further. Don't change your behavior beforehand though.
One other thought about the shelter - call from a pay phone while you're out grocery shopping. You do NOT need his family overhearing any part of that conversation.
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What about a dr.s appt.. for either the kids or you?? You could say your taking them and that may bide you some time
Great idea! Or, what about annual dental cleanings for you and the kids? It takes awhile to get through all three, and maybe he'd even give you some money to pay the dentist?? Oh, and I'd actually MAKE the dental appointments too. Let the family overhear that call... and then if your H calls to "check up" on you, the appointments will be legit.
Yes MAKE SURE you're deleting the history and cookies for this site, and visiting others to keep it from being blank.
I know there's a file called index.dat that stays on your system even when you delete history - does anyone know more about how to clean THAT file as well? I remember doing it a long time ago when I donated a computer but I can't find anything on it now.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Ah ha - found it. Here's the utility that can remove / clear it for you: http://www.ccleaner.com/
It's eye opening to do a search for index.dat on your computer and then open it up in notepad. Deleting history doesn't REALLY delete it all.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
