Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Uncomfortably Numb II

S.T. - I sure was under seige there for a while and I am hoping that it has subsided for now. My refuge was with God. I am fortunate to have a stabilizing Christian buddy who has made himself my lifeline phone call outlet/intake at any hour. God caused him to step up and be there for me as he continues to. It is just amazing the resources which our Father makes sure are there for us when we most need them.

Perhaps my DD14 is not hating God, but for sure she has a hard time reconciling why God has let the things happen that he has in horrific fashion during her childhood. Nonetheless your point about causing her to notice a continually joyful me in order to bring about curiosity is well made. I will be anxiously awaiting the chance to begin to have talks with her about how wonderful God can be in her life. In the mean time there are many non-verbal ways to exhibit to her God's greatness.

After volleying back and forth with using the mom & dad titles during the early course of the 19 month relationship we have had w/ DD14, it pretty well stuck about 6-8 months ago I believe. I am certainly happy every time I here her say it. I adore her.

Thanks to all of you for the thoughts and prayers for my Dad. He has a ways to go, but he is doing fine right now.

W seemed to like reaching out to me today. First call came when I was @ hospital with my ma. That one was just another call to see how Dad was doing and to be empathetic and supportive towards me and my family . Then just a couple of hours ago she phoned and talked for a while. She had recently talked to DD14's foster mom and was told that DD14 has been getting disrespecful towards me in some recent phone calls. I told W that I don't quite agree with that asessment, but that DD14 has been agitated (not too coincidentally after having learned of mom & dad "breaking up"). W continues to believe that I am a pushover of a dad and that I would allow her to be disrespectful towards me without calling her on it as she thinks I should be doing. Oh well, it is all here say as she wasn't in on the phonecall. Then W proceeded to transition to a near pan-handling mode. She let me know that she was terribly short of $ presently and could use a helping hand if I could spare some $ to help her (to set up her separate life and enable her to continue on the path towards D). How convoluted, desperate, & sad is this. I was a great listener (amazed @ what I was hearing). I politely reminded her that I had deposited $40 in her acct which was intended for DD14's use for Karate class. And since it hasn't been used for that she could use that for now. I also reminded her that shortly after she declared us "over" back in Dec.. I pledged that no matter what, it was "my honor, my vow & my privilege to take care of her apt rent for the remaining 6 months. And so just as has been the case for the past two months she would continue to receive that help fm me by the first of each month.

I mean just what more do you want fm me. Just say to be made love to & I am there in a flash.

Christ is the Lamb of God. His purity is undeniable. Learn fm his Love.

T -

It does sound like you've had some really rough waters over the past few days. How is your father doing? I hope he's recovering well.

As for your W, I think she is reaching out to you, so keep going forward. You and I have both been served w/ papers, but that doesn't mean things are over. We have to continue to be patient, work on letting go, work on us, and keep the faith.

RTL

hello DB friends

gotta make this real quick, work calls.

talked to wife multiple times for consecutive days now. I slightly pushed the envelope today and breached the darkness somewhat with an interesting proposal to W. I had been circulating the idea through my head for a day and a half (fm places unknown)that I was wondering whether my W had gotten her hair done in the last little while. So I decided to make that sweet gesture to her by letting her know that I had been nagged by that odd thought and asked her if she wanted to go get hair done while she was just hanging out at her hotel during down time fm training. She felt uncomfortable potentially accepting $ for that with so many other more necessary bills pressing on her. But still the kindness was extended and that was a pretty abrupt 180 (really probably for any H to intiate that hair dressing offer topic). It felt neat and probably left her rather perplexed. Later in the talk she passed along her room # then realized that for tonight (as she seemed to intend for it to come in handy)that I would be out flying.

Gotta go.

God bless you all.

I feel lonely and it sucks that at least this week is almost over and the contact(and maybe some ML @ hotel) that I thought might take place has not. But there still is tomorrow.

There is always tomorrow!

We're supposed to get a little snow storm in N.E PA here which is included on the list of things which sets W's anxiety into high gear. Don't know if they might cancel her last day of job training for this week or not. She does not know of my 4x4 truck purchase yet. If she needs to get to training and can't manage with her car, then maybe I could play rescuer and come to her aid w/ my new truck and see how she reacts to that.

I should probably go read some DR as I am not sure I am as good at this as I think.

Don't take for granted the blessings of the Lord.

Well, another day of limbo and no face 2 face w/ W.

Hearing her voice, while nice at times, is no substitute for intimate touch and affection. Sex was something that we experienced quite often and we were always able to throw aside our seeming enormous differences to placate our/my physical desires.

Guess I will have to bear in mind the adage about believe < half of whatever they say as it pertains to an email she sent me during the last mud-slinging round back in early Dec.. She commented, "didn't you even notice druing the last bunch of months that everytime you made love to me that I had a vacant, distant look in my eyes". It is hard to forget a statement like that or to water down its validity.

I just can't concentrate. The only thing I know is limbo.

I do not like life right now. The chance to see her this week went by the boards. Why God? What is the plan God? When might I be brought out of limbo to receive a little info.

I am sick of this! At least I will probably wind up seeing my DD14 for a little bit tomorrow. I will finally take her the Valentine's card & gift I had gotten for her. As is always the case with me, better late than never.

Christ suffered mightily for us and our salvation. It is only fitting that we should have to suffer some too. And most of us are. Bon Soir.

Tomato,
Been off the boards for a week w/a broken ankle keeping me sidelined. Just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. Hope you get to spend time with W soon.

Hi BobbiJo

I saw you had returned, albeit with one bad wheel. I hope it is healing and that you won't be slowed for too long.

Thanks for the kindness of your message.

One day at a time. And on this day I got to be with DD14 for a little bit. It was great. She enjoyed her Valentine's bag of goodies I prepared for her. (Excercising my feminine side ?!)

Jesus is the Way.

Glad you saw your D. Hope tomorrow is another good day for you.

That's wonderful that you got to spend time with your D. Hope things are going good for you today.

Went to church today with a couple of friends.

Thanks Blindsided1 for the kindness.

Will probably go out tonight for a little Bible study.

My Dad is still recovering in the hospital. He has been sleeping an awful lot the last couple of days so it doesn't make for much of an oportunity to visit him. His Parkinson's which he was diagnosed with a couple years ago is adding some complications to his recovery. He will probably be transferred to an in-patient rehab place in the next day or two. Thanks for the prayers.