Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again W not angry any more and wants to work on the M

Not much happening at the moment so I'll journal for a bit. W and I seem to be getting on and settling into a normal family routine (not sure if I'm happy about that, are we drifting or piecing) she seems ok as long as I'm not smothering her or chasing affection or seeking R talk.

W has complained that I spend too much time on the computer and not enough with her, so I've backed off on the computer and she has my full attention. But now she is bringing stuff home from work and leaves me to my own devices. (Charming !!)

We go to bed at the same time and have a cuddle together. Last couple of nights I've had my hand inside her Tshirt, but there seems to be a time limit on how long she'll let me leave it there before she'll roll herself out of range. Last night I just thought I'd leave her alone but she woke me out of a partial sleep to say good night, then she asked me to rub the small of her back cos she said it was aching. I had to pull her pants down and reveal a good portion of her ass which I massaged and managed to put her to sleep. I was quite aroused at the time but didn't try to take advantage

So gradually W is letting her guard down letting me touch her, just a few weeks back she would have jumped out of the bed at the slightest contact with me.

So I'll let things roll on as they are, but I still feel we should both be being more proactive rather than apparently drifting along.

Lan, As long as you continue to stay mindful of this need until you get to a good enough place. I think just wait for the R to improve some more; you can't do it until she's ready and you are both in a good place - you will know when that is. That's when I think it may be a good idea to "invest" in your M/R even if you have to see the bank manager in order to afford it. I think when things are going really good that's when we need to avail of M/R help because its much easier than when things are bad. Most of us have tried to do something when we hit rock bottom or a major crisis and its very difficult from there.

Hi Lan,

I saw your post on fb2's thread. It is very quiet over here, I agree. But I guess most of you lucky guys have a lot of things to keep you busy (your Ss for one!!), so look at the bright side of it. Newcommers forum is very crowed, a lot of drama going on. Many new people are joinning daily (unfortunately).

I have a gut feeling you need to go with flow for once more. I've read somewhere (was it Michelle?) that you shouldn't try very hard. Yes it has Michelle!! Think of the butterfly effect. Do little things on a daily basis that will keep the positive coming.It must be hard to be hungry, have a full plate in front you that smells terrific and not be allowed to fully enjoy it YET.
But wait, think of where we all met you... and where you are now.This is a situation you are in charge now. You have the resources, the strength and the confidence to handle it. Your wife needs to slowly get the steps right, you are leading. Just watch out not to step on her toes too much...
xxxxx (always amazed by your attitude)
Kalni

Thanks guys I guess I'm gonna need someone to keep reminding me to patient.


Lan

For Valentines Day



I think I pitched it just right, W was surprised by the card and very happy with the gift.

Last night I was going to go to bed without pushing W for kind of talk, or any hugs or kisses, it was just going to be watch TV for a while then both of us of to sleep.

Anyway at lights out, through the darkness W asks me where was I, so I moved my head closer to her and we had a couple of reasonably passionate kisses. Then we embraced and W strokes my arm and says "oh honey" a couple of times, these words were loaded with heavy sighs. I really thought she was on the point of opening up about the R but she held back any more words and just snuggled up to me more and fell a sleep. Oh well maybe she'll talk later

It's funny cos now I can be this close to W and have my hands all over her (as long a I don't go south of the border) and she doesn't flinch. A few weeks ago any slight contact would have had her jumping out of the bed, even when she appeared to be in a deep sleep. Also it's been a long time since she's called me honey, that was really nice to hear.

So if I focus in the things that W is doing as opposed to what she's not doing, then I'd say things are moving along slowly but nicely.

Hi Lan,

I am glad things are moving to the right direction.
Have you thought of discretely flirting with her?

Kalni

Flirting.... flirting ? Ahh yes, a form of human interaction, usually expressing a romantic or sexual interest. Geezz it's been so long that I've forgotten how to do all of that stuff.

Actually, I spent another really good day out shopping with W and D6, I got lots of smiles, and some arm stroking from W. When we queued outside the restaurant for dinner she even put her arm around me, but she then quickly asked if it was ok , I just said to W "didn't you feel me pull you closer". And we then both laughed.

Ahhh, so W was flirting with me. Interesting. I think I need to brush up on my flirting skills and all those other things that I seem to have lost the knack of doing.


Lan

Come on Lan,

this I guess should be the best part of the (difficult but hopefully rewarding) process you are going through at the moment... Get a "refresher crash course..."

xxx
Kalni

Hey Lan looks like she's leading you all the way there one step at a time;-)

PS. You seem to be the only one making real progress here among all the gloom and doom. For most of us all the DBing is going nowhere. There are some brief DB "success stories" posted but unfortunately the entire story is not available so I don't give these stories much weight.