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Addie...have you tried volunteering?...It would get you out of the house and you'd feel real good about yourself. And who know you might even make some new friends.

Abrazos
Jen

In the list of articles by Michelle there is one about foriveness. I read it this morning and its great.

I know I can do this and I am oing to fight for my family. H says that D will be fine but I want to show her how a healhy relatioship can work and when people are angry or hurt the stick together they don' walk out.

I read that article as well a couple of years ago when I came upon this site. It inspired me to want to forgive H for myself not necessarily for him. I thought I had forgiven him previous to that but I don't think I had let go of the anger.

Right now I am unable to think about forgiveness because the pain is still so raw. Hopefully in time...

Yes the anger is what is the hardest to get over. When you feel yourself getting angry go do something for yourself or to take your mind off it. I remember a few years ago H pointed out to me that when I get P***ed I clean the bathroom. Now that I have someone come in to clean I find myself washing my face when i get miffed. I find that looking at myself in the mirror can calm me down...odd I know but it works.

Today H came by to pick up some stuff for work. He told me that he promised our friends son (who just turned 16) that he'd take him out to eat tonight. H said "we can go to a movie after if you like". Then he proceeded to make the plans for the evening. Ok the teen will be there but right now I don't care. H could have easily have planned without me but he included me. Hopefully alls not lost.

Now for some major DBing tonight.

That's a good sign that H asked you to join them. Be cheerful, act as if. Have a great evening!

How did your evening with H go?

aaah ok Addie thanks for asking. I sent you an email.

I feel like I'm being tested and failing horribly. I feel like my whole world has come crashing down. Even though I knew things weren't good I never thought he'd leave. I think the neediness that I have shown over the years has taken it's toll on him. I think that if I can show that he's not needed in the same way as he feels he might come home.

Has anyone read Dr Lauras book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" I downloaded the audio versio and it's quite good.

Yeah, I have - I didn't like it at all. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it seemed to deal with such crazy extremes. Personally, I found it hard to identify with it at all.

Hi JenInVen,

I have read your thread and I think you are doing great. You are not failig at all!
You should have seen and heard me during the first 2 months.

My husband has also mentioned my neediness and that the burden of keeping
me happy was to heavy for him. So, I've told him that I don't NEED him, I WANT him,
there is a difference. Wrong again. Shortly after that he said that the OW needs him
and I don't. Meaning, it's ok for HER to need him, but not for me. Go figure!

They are so confused that we start losing it too. You cannot avoid the backslides
and you should be as kind and understanding with yourself as you are trying to be
with your H. When you backslide, just say to yourself, oh well, I will do better next
time. And you will too!

(((((((hugs)))))))))

Thanks Stella. We have similar sitchs it seems.

Brit, I am listening to the first Chapter this week. I think Dr Laura is a bit rough and many people don't like her values because she is very right winged. Being a slight lefty I have tried to take what she says with a huge grain of salt.

H said today "Even when we're separated you have the same issues. You're never going to change" And I thought "I'll show you!" Sometimes I think he left just to give me a quick kick in the arse and to get me to wake up. He said that he wished he could go go to sleep until this was all over and that he feels about 80 years old. I feel for him so much because I know living with me was never a piece of cake.

The biggest mistake I make and wonder about you guys too is to go into R talk a lot. I know I'm not supposed to but I can't seem to bite my tongue fast enough.

Jen