just checking in to say hello and see how you're doing. thank you again so much for posting your story on my thread! I think I am going to print it out and put it on my refrigerator. You really lifted my spirits. All the way from GREECE!
Trans thanks for thinking about me, Ali, hope you are getting prepared for Sat, Lizzy, I hope you are "still improving"...
Well, didn't have much to report yesterday. I had a small step back as far as DB is concerned (I am embarassed to mentioned what, just a little one though), and I am getting ready for tonight!!
A close friend of ours has a party and she has invited both of us. I do not know yet if he is going but since we are on good terms I believe he will be. As she pointed out to me, it would be the first time we would get together with no kids, relaxed, etc., ect.
But to be honest I am questioning whether I should go or not. If I didn't, it would be "different" because I am sure he expects me to be there, show I am not anxious to get a chance to be with him, and would get him wondering...
On the other hand it would be the first chance to meet and talk and interact in a positive way, in a a fairly safe environment (that group of friends would love to see us together and I am sure they'll do their best to help us get in the mood), flirt hopefully and try to feel comfortable again just the 2 of us, with no kids between us.
According to DB techniques, should I go, what do you think? Advice is most welcome...
You come across as a ray of sunshine on this board, glad to have you here although not under the present circumstances.
At the moment you have positive interactions with your H so I would say dress your most stunningly best, (but keep it respectful) and try to have a good time with him. If H is not going I would say still go providing you don’t expect it to cause and argument with him, but only you can be the judge of that.
Have a good time
Lan
Me:50 W: 49 T:20yrs M: 14 yrs D:11 2005 PA 2006: EA (2003 : 2007) 2007: April ILYBNILWY Aug PA, Sept Separate 2008: Feb Piecing 2009 Limbo 2011: Separated (same house) 2013: Divorcing
I just got the phone with my H. He called me. Wanted to find out what time he should take the kids to the party on Sat. While talking (friendly, bubbly etc, etc as Michelle says) he mentioned the party tonight. Asked If I was going and I told him, I was, but late. He said " well, I can't, I really can't go, I am so tired, it's been crazy with my job lately(he just became chief editor), I can't go...". I said, "yes you do sound tired, take care of yourself and rest"... So, I don't have to think about it any longer. I got my answer from him. I immediately confirmed I am going anyway and to be honest I feel more confident I WILL have a great time tonight.
Oh, and something else, the kids therapist (they had a session with her last night) she told me that both our kids told her (separately) that their hearts are not sad anymore because "Daddy told them last Sunday that he is coming back home, only not when". I did not believe it, for me it's obviously a lie they came up with, since they are trying to manipulate us (poor things) but she said the weird thing is that they both said the same thing. She is going to talk to him and tell him that if he did say so to them that is a very stupid thing to do since it can be very traumatic. She'll call afterwards and tell me what he said. I don't think he would do such a stupid thing. But of cource, I don't consider him "normal" anymore. Recent past has proven to me he is full of suprises...
I refuse to let my negativism get hold of me although as I said before, these last few days I have been feeling extremely lonely. I'll try to go back to my previous nirvana state of mind.
Hi Kalni, Welcome! From your thread and posts on others' treads I see that you have remarkable insight. Job stress, deaths and small kids could really stress a M to breaking point and while you are in the thick of it there's seems to be nowhere to turn for relief. I'm glad you are using the separation to take a deep breath, detach, read books like DR, etc. I hope your H does not have an OW as that can complicate things and its invariably the case. But you have come here before things got even worse as happened to me and a lot of others. So looks like you are moving in the right direction now and its just a matter of time before your M is restored to health.
Me-48, W-38 M14, D11, S7 W filed D 01/07 W had to move out 06/07 Current Thread
Just got up, the party was ok last night. I saw people I haven't seen for 10 years.
Thanks fb2. This OW issue as you may have noticed I haven't mentioned at all. I am pretty sure that there has been an emotional affair at some point during summer with another woman, although he never did and still doesn't admitt it. I am also pretty sure that for the last 3-4 months this affair was stopped or gone on the "just friendship" mode.
One way or the other, I know he is not seeing anyone right now. I don't think anyone would put up with his work schedule. 6 days a week and on the weekends he either has the kids or visits them(he he!!).
I hope fb2 that your impression-intuition comes true about soon having a healthy marriage. Last night I was talking to old friends and when I would tell them we are separated for 2,5 months, they acted/talked to me about the future. Other men, how will I raise the kids, is he getting married again, am I? etc.etc.. Immediately. No one asked if I thought there is hope, no one about a possibility of a reconcil. It got me thinking, when you are on the outside, looking our way, we all-trying to save our marriages, must look like aliens.
Well, we'll see.
I 'll have more -hopefully much more to report later...
Just got up, the party was ok last night. I saw people I haven't seen for 10 years.
Thanks fb2. This OW issue as you may have noticed I haven't mentioned at all. I am pretty sure that there has been an emotional affair at some point during summer with another woman, although he never did and still doesn't admitt it. I am also pretty sure that for the last 3-4 months this affair was stopped or gone on the "just friendship" mode.
One way or the other, I know he is not seeing anyone right now. I don't think anyone would put up with his work schedule. 6 days a week and on the weekends he either has the kids or visits them(he he!!).
I hope fb2 that your impression-intuition comes true about soon having a healthy marriage. Last night I was talking to old friends and when I would tell them we are separated for 2,5 months, they acted/talked to me about the future. Other men, how will I raise the kids, is he getting married again, am I? etc.etc.. Immediately. No one asked if I thought there is hope, no one about a possibility of a reconcil. It got me thinking, when you are on the outside, looking our way, we all-trying to save our marriages, must look like aliens.
Well, we'll see.
I 'll have more -hopefully much more to report later...
Wow, it's sounds like you're doing so well. I am really proud...!
That's why it's great that we have each other, so we can reassure each other that we are not aliens... or if we are, we can band together on our own special divorce-busting planet !!
Sunday morning here, my kids still with their dad. It does feel good to get a break every other weekend.
He went to a kids party yesterday where he met with all my friends including my best friend who is really mad at him.They talked but nothing about us. I had several friends calling afterwards telling he looked like sh..t (!!). One of them even said "I can tell he is coming back and a lot sooner that you think" but the sad thing is that she is one of my friends whose gut feelings I do not trust (I have a very strong intuition and I rate other's too, weird?)
When he picked up the kids earlier yesterday, he looked as if he was still sleeping. I offered a coffee and he gladly accepted. He asked if I had gone to the party and mentioned he has been feeling very tired lately. Friendy talk, nothing much, nothing important. I guess the fact that he was willing and feels comfortable enough to stay for a coffee is important. But I am getting bored with these friendly interactions. Interesting thing I have't mentioned : we never have psycical contact of any kind. Not a hello hug, not a kiss on the chick, nothing.
I get this feeling that once he noticed I changed he put me on a watch programm. He is checking and checking if I will have any ups/down with him. It's like if he wants to make sure we stabilised on this level of communication and he can trust me. But I really want to get on the next level with him. This party on Sat was a good chance for us to actually meet after a long time with no kids present, have a drink etc etc. And it would have been much easier for both of us beacuse it wasn't initiated by us. And he missed the chance. Ok, I know he is tired but It really gets me angry when I am thinking that I would have dragged myself to this party even if I hadn't slept for a week if I were him. But then again, we are different.
I wish I could do something to get things going a little bit faster...
I need to get my frustrations out about something else too. I 've been really mad at his sister. I've known her all these years and I have been supporting her the best way I could about different issues: her marriage (she had an affair her H found out/with his best friend!!), with her moms death, babysitting for her kids, talking to her on the phone when anything would come up in her life, with her dad's operations etc. etc. I have really invested in her and I thought we were friends. And guess what, ever since we seperated the first time even, she has never called me to ask how am I doing. Not even about the kids. I am really mad at her. It's scary how some people are so selfcentered they don't give a damn about others. WHEN we get back with my H, she will find out that relationships of all kinds need effort. Because I really feel she blew it with me.
Kalni
PS. H just called. Taking the kids to another party. Said he is feeling really tired, didn't sleep well last night. Well, I slept great...
When he picked up the kids earlier yesterday, he looked as if he was still sleeping. I offered a coffee and he gladly accepted. He asked if I had gone to the party and mentioned he has been feeling very tired lately. Friendy talk, nothing much, nothing important. I guess the fact that he was willing and feels comfortable enough to stay for a coffee is important. But I am getting bored with these friendly interactions. Interesting thing I have't mentioned : we never have psycical contact of any kind. Not a hello hug, not a kiss on the chick, nothing.
Sounds like your H is depressed. Is he seeing a therapist? If not he probably needs to. As for the no contact. That sounds like you are talking about my H. H will play will my breast but that is the only thing...no kisses, hugs, nothing else. Enjoy your Sunday. I know you can probably use the break.
