Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Finding my way out of the dark

I finally talked to my lawyer. She said nothing can be done until we get him into court. She had already tried his L today and he was out of the office. I'm really so disappointed in my H. He's never been irresponsible like this. He makes me sick, completely sick. He would rather his family suffer than stand up and be a man. I am so glad I'm not talking to him right now. I would rather have a conversation with satan himself than my H at the moment.

He's a sick, disgusting person right now. How sad.

Sorry Mishka. I have no advice. I was out of work for about 6 months and God miracously provided for us. My h pays nothing. Praise God that I can provide for all our needs at the moment. It's tight, but I am really blessed.

I would just go through your lawyer. Your h can't handle anything from you right now. He sees it as harassment, because he can't face the destruction he has caused.

Hugs!

Thank you all! I was definitely in panic mode the last couple of days but today was just a wonderfully peaceful day. I didn't have any contact with H for any reason. Decided that if he said not to contact him except about S13 then I wouldn't AT ALL unless it's life or death emergency. NO OTHER REASON! He is supposed to take S13 to Dr. on Monday afternoon but since the Dr. calls here to remind of appointment I honestly don't think he will remember it so I am taking him. I changed the contact card at S13's school so NO ONE other than me can pick him up without me being notified and I am changing the email and cutting off the home phone as of 18FEB. Lots of decisions made by me today and it felt really good. Like I was taking control over my circumstances.

I had a great devotion this morning in my DivorceCare workbook and read a very inspirational article in our local paper written by a local pastor about the source of unhappiness in our lives ( The Source of My Unhappiness ). I think you all would be as blessed by that article as I was.

All of you have a blessed evening and I'm hoping that I may be able to catch up on all of your threads tomorrow some time after the gym and reading with my son.

Hi Mishka 422!

My ears are open. I hear your venting! You have every reason to do so. However, if you want him back, do the Last Resort. Create an existance without him, and allow the lawyers to work out the money issues. If you nag, he'll take it out on you.

Its not too late to divorce bust. Remember, he came home last month, then changed his mind. At this moment, you're doing the right thing in attending your support group, and visiting Michele's site.

If you're interested, start a solution journal with other MLCers. It will help to consolidate your goals.


God Bless,
/Tia

Thank you Tia. I have not had any communication about anything with H since the fiasco on Thursday and I fell SO GOOD! The stress of dealing with his ration of you know what was just too much for me along with dealing with everything else crazy in my life.

H has not called S13 in 3 1/2 days now and I can't help but think that he is doing that because he's mad at me. It makes no sense but nothing he does makes sense right now. S13 hasn't mentioned it but I know he's going to realize soon just how long it has been without talking to his dad. H is being so childish but his relationship, or lack thereof, with his son is not my problem. All I can do is support my son and love him unconditionally. He knows who he can count on to keep his life as stable as possible.

Church was amazing this morning. Our pastor is in a 6 part series about prayer. Specifically about praying for God to use your talents and gifts to honor Him and what He wants to do through you. Today was about how to pray specifically and get answers to your prayers. It was amazing to be reminded about the patience ans stillness required to "hear" God speaking to you. We live in such an immediate gratification society that we have no patience. I am working on that both in prayer and in my life as a whole.

I honestly don't want my H back right now. Not the person he has become. If through this experience he grows and changes then there may be a possibility but not now. He's not sorry for what he's done, he's being cruel and unjust and selfish and that is not the type of person I allow in my life. I am shielding my son from his dad's behavior as much as possible. I don't want him to think this is the way a good man behaves toward his family. My H learned this behavior from his own father - my son WILL NOT!

God bless to you all!!!

I have a question for all of you with WAS and kids at home. How often does your S get in contact with your kids? Once a day, once every other day, only when they are due to pick them up? I'm just curious. 4 full days of NC from H to S13 is VERY strange. Not that everything he is doing isn't strange but this is exceptionally weird!

Can you all give me info about the contact your spouses have with the kids while they are separated? Pretty please? Just trying to find a baseline.

Sometimes it was nc for weeks, then consistently one day per week, now consistently 2 days per week and every other saturday and h at one time was a proud pappa and his kids meant everything to him. Sad!

My H has NEVER intitiated any contact with our girls since Apr.07. If I ask him to do something with them or for them or they ask him he will but has yet to initiate anything. He does call D16 once in awhile. But that is it.

And yes H was a great father. He was very much a part of their lives and now nothing.

And yes it is very sad for them both.

Mishka, it is not uncommon for the MLCer to have little or NC with the children. I had read in the resources that the MLCer seems to have the opposite contact with their children than pre-MLC, i.e. if they were doting parents before, they have less contact. If they were non-involved parents before they seem to reconnect with their children. In my case, my W was not having much interaction with the kids since MLC. Before she was the best mom you can imagine. She still is a good mom but not available like before. It is hard on the kids. I simply remind the kids how their mom has been for most of their lives and that this is temporary. It helps a lot.

Thank you all. I'm trying to figure out how to handle H in this situation and just wasn't sure what to expect. He had been calling our son every day just to check in with him so he only talked to him 2-3 minutes but now he has stopped calling him since our argument and blow up last Thursday. It kills me that he is apparently taking out his anger toward me on our son. I told S13 that if he wants to talk to his dad he can call him but he hasn't done that. It's not part of his immediate thinking to initiate any contact because of the Aspberger's.

I will stop obsessing about his lack of contact with our son and keep my focus on me and S13. H is one sick puppy.

On an ego boosting note, a very nice man at church yesterday actually was flirting with me. It just made me feel nice, like I'm not completely undesireable. Quite the ego boost.