Mopsey, The only way that he can manipulate you is if you allow it. I seriously doubt that he's doing that, but it doesn't hurt to stay on your toes.
I'm sure what your daughter told your h about not living there, stung. Well...in a way he stepped into her zone. He may listen to what she said and think about it again later. Time will tell on that one.
As for him looking tired, as well he should be, i.e., up all hours of the night, trying to burn the candle at both ends. It's not easy doing this. I don't think the mow has anything to do w/his odd behavior right now.
Keep the focus on you and your children!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yesterday D12 had a swim meet. H thought that he may have to work and suprised me by calling and telling me he would be there.
We watched the meet together he came over after and cooked me dinner. It was delicious. We hung out for a bit and watched tv with d12 while s15 was downstairs. He was not too happy H was there. At one point s15 told me that I was crazy and H was only going to hurt me again. UGH!!
S15 had some friends stop by . They, as usual, stayed downstairs, but you could hear the fun they were having. It brought H to tears and he ran out crying.
H sent me a tm apologizing for running out but he could hear the fun s15 was having. I tm him back that I wished he stayed ...that he belong here too. He said he didn't belong anywhere. That s15 hates him and doesn't need him. UGH. I really didn't want to argue this point with him...I just told him that s15 loves him deep down but he is hurting and I left it at that.
I am hoping when he goes to counseling today he will talk to C about this. I just can't fix it. S15 is so stubborn and does not trust H and H is so stubborn and will just wallow in this and not fix anything. UGH.
It was nice to spend time with H. THere is a bowl of seafood fettuccini left and I offered for H to take it back to his parent's and he said to leave it here, we can eat it tomorrow. So, he will probably be here at some point. We have d12's parent conference today which should be interesting.
Off to start the day. I love mondays when I don't have to work!!
Mopsey, just keep dropping those crumbs of friendship. Your h doesn't know what he wants to do, but I think it's very nice that you are still able to talk to him about things. Your h is still an emotional wreck and will be that way for a while. I just hope his therapist can help him. Did he say whether or not he's still on the meds?
I do hope that you enjoyed your day off. Keep yourself busy and find something that you enjoy doing. I'm glad to see that everyone had a nice time yesterday.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Was off today. Parent conference day. I didn't hear from h at all, so while I was out I called and left him a vm reminding him of d12's parent conference.
No word from H. No show at conference.
So, around 4 I received a tm from H saying "I am sorry." I asked if he was ok and he replied doesn't matter. I replied it did matter to me and I as here if he needed me. His reply...just too much.
So, just a few minutes ago H called. He was crying. He once again said he was sorry. Not sure for what....maybe not coming today. Who knows. He said that he wished I could get inside his head sometimes. Ok ....Then I asked if he was ok and if he spent the day in bed. He said no...he had to do something very hard today...and then he wept uncontrollably.
I told him that I was here for him and asked if he needed me to come down. He said no. He was going to sleep. He was still crying. He just got off the phone.
He didn't tell me what he had to do today and I am scared. He filed 18 months ago...is he pushing that through now? I am so paranoid that he did regarding the D. I pray right now that he didn't but I don't know what else he could be sorry for and this upset about.
He skipped counseling today and I am thinking he is not taking his meds. He is such a mess today. I pray it is rock bottom...but I worry it is the end of my M.
Heard from H this morning. He once again said sorry. I finally replied....for what. He said for yesterday. For not being around yesterday. So that is good.
I asked if he was ok and he replied that he is all messed up. That I should know that by now. I just replied that i was here for him if he needed.
So, not sure what happened with him yesterday. What he had to do that was so hard. I guess if God wants me to know....then it will happen. Until then, H is in His hands.
My expectations are at zero. I am trying not to speculate. It is very hard not to do. It could be anything or maybe nothing ....I just pray it has nothing to do with the D.
Ok Snodderly: I know I analize too much, but I have to journal this because the behavior is just.....I don't know.
Big snow storm here. Kids got out early and I got off early at 3. H called me right as I got home. He said his work wasn't opening but he has some soup from there that we may like, so he wanted to drop it off.
The roads are not great, but I said it would be great if he dropped it off...but if the roads are bad...don't risk it. He did risk it. He came by with some wonderful soup.
He looked awful. He had a coffee cup and I know there was white russian in there...not coffee. He said he didn't sleep at all last night. I offered for him to stay because the roads are terrible, but he said he had to go. Had to shovel. He left and I could hear him start to choke up.
So, not sure what is up with H. Is it guilt, shame or what? Why risk your life in a bad storm to bring soap?
Mopsey, There is no way to figure out what is going on w/him right now. All you can do is be there for him and to pray for him. That's why it's very important that you take care of yourself, keep the focus on you and your children. They are such a mess and emotionally stunted that they don't know which end is up from one minute to the next. Step back and allow God to do his work.
I'm thinking and praying for you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just journaling....really trying not to analize....because frankly my H is truly such a mess:
Lots of contact from H this week. Calls and tms at work and at night. Whatever.
Today sends me a tm to call him as soon as possible. When I call he asks when d12 got her report card. I told him last week and it has been on the coffee table for him to look and that there was a copy for him at her conference that he did not come to.
So we talk and I told him what went on at the conference. How all of her teachers say how bright she is but she doesn't due her homework and sometimes doesn't put the effort in. To quote them it is as if she is tanking her grade for spite.
So H says to me that she is spiting him. I didn't comment. H never went to college and always considers himself a failure as compared to his educated siblings and me. His big thing with the kids is school and good grades "so they don't turn out like me" he always says. In the back of my mind, d12 could be tanking just to get him.
Anyway, we chat for a bit. I told him about a conversation d12 and I had last night. She told me sometimes she is too sad about H to do her work. I told her I am sad to but I go to work and I do my job. She needs to go to school and do her job. Let God work on everything else.
I told H all this. I also told him that d12 has promised to work hard and that she has been. He starts crying and then we end the conversation.
H stopped to see d12 after school today. When he and I spoke I asked him not to yell at her about her grades but try to be encouraging and positive.
H must not have heard me because d12 calls me hysterically crying. She said that H doesn't love her, doesn't think that she will ever get a good job and isn't smart. Now I don't think that is what H said but....who knows.
She is in her bedroom talking to me and saying things like she wants her old dad back, that s15 is right that dad is mean (s15 doesn't say that but...), that H hates her, that she doesn't like him. Etc. All the while H is at her door listening in.
D12 opens the door to see him standing there listening and he says since she hates him he will not be back to see her, he won't come around, etc. UGH. I could just scream.
She calls me back still crying and I tm H saying: look, she is a little girl in a confusing situation. She loves you, but sometimes people say things that they don't mean when they are angry. I asked him to call her and tell her he is there for her, especially after what happened to the boy in her class.
Well my H is a big baby. No matter how many times d12 or I tell him how much she loves him he says no, she hates me like s15. She said how she feels, etc. Spews on d12. UGH. I finally tell H on the phone that it is too bad he can't see how everyone feels about him. That we all love him (bad db). I told him even s15, underneath all of his layers of anger, still has love for H. I know he does.
H in his own pity party ....says now he lost both of them. Won't listen to d12 or me. I just stopped even trying. I dropped it so as not to continue going round and round with him. He will come around again.
I picked d12 up after work, and after all of this, and took her to look at softball bats (she loves doing this) to get her mind off of it. She actually seems fine. I think she is at the point of ...whatever, if he feels like that it is his problem.
Funny thing she did say to me is she thinks that H must be having girl problems. She asked H yesterday if he gave MOW a present for valentines day and she said he told her (according to her in a weird voice) that if he saw her he would.
Not going to analize that at all.....but I do wonder if his comment on monday about having to do something really hard (saying this while bawling his eyes out), his behavior today, and the fact that he again is slightly miffed that I did my taxes without him, have anything to do with his R with MOW.
I hate rollercoasters. I feel like this was a bit of a dip in mine. I wish my H would grow up. I wish he would just hit rock bottom. I wish he would stop all of his pity parties. I wish that this wasn't so hard for all of us. I wish my H would swallow his pride and come home and make things right. I wish he wouldn't do this to our kids...... I wish I had a genie to grant me all of these wishes.
Well, off to pick d12 up at swim and s15 up from a swim team party. Tomorrow will be busy at the pool, out to dinner with my dad, and then sunday with softball and friends over. Looking forward to another monday off this week.
For those of you who are steps ahead of me ....steelers,bnd,yr...is there any hope?
Busy day yesterday. Didn't think we would hear from H after the disaster with d12, but he sent me a tm around noon telling me to have a great day. I responded thanks and then he proceeded to ask what we were doing.
We conversed via text for a bit. I didn't want to call him to talk, because I figured if he wanted to he would. So, while d12 was getting ready for her swim meet she said she was going to tm her dad. She then decided against it and called him. They apologized to each other, but d12 said that he was crying and sounded like he had been crying.
Before the meet I tm'd him asking him if he was ok. He said he will be ok. I sure hope so.
No word form H last night. I think he will be by later today from what he told d12. Who knows.......not going to try to figure him out.
Have an appointment with my C today. Haven't seen her for quite a while. She is usually right on the money as far as her "timelines" for my H without even knowing him. She said that his R with MOW will last 18-24 months. I pray she is right. She said most affairs end in this time period. I just don't know where my H is with his. Can't figure that out. Will sit back and watch.
Anyway, I just need to vent to her about everything so I don't vent on H. This is getting so frustrating. I am really trying to be patient but this is trying my patience.
