Bomb, It was more of a peck but man i put it right in the bank cause i know I am going to need it later. It was so nice but it made me want to ML which is a thought I am trying to get out of my head.
Grace, OK, you talked me into it, for myself. I had some golf buddies call today that wanted to go out for some off season pizza and fun. They don't know about this stuff, should I discuss it with them? I really don't want to discuss cause I really don't feel I know exactly where I am. Actually one guy, as I think of it does know.
Also, just planned a four day trip with a buddy to go to Colorado in the first of March. Does that count. I know I am going to be thinking about what the W is doing the whole time. I may also take the S12 to Vermont Wednesday for three days. Does that count?
Space, Detach, Gal and get away from her. Goals for the week.
Definately go out with your buddies. If you tell them or not is up to you. Not many people know about my sitch (from me anyway, don't know what or to whom he's said anything) I don't see it as helpful and I don't need their input. All depends on you and what you see the advantages vs disadvantages are.
The trip to Colorado is good. Ok, so this time you may spend more time thinking about her and what she's doing. Wear a nice thick rubberband on your wrist. When you find yourself thinking about her, snap it as hard as you can. It will help move your mind onto other things.
Getting away with S12 does count. You're doing good. This is the hardest thing I've ever done partly b/c some of it seems counterintuitive. We all do the best we can and when we learn better we do better. Monitoring your results is one of the biggies that has really helped me. I get lazy sometimes and don't journal the way I should, but it has really helped me to see what's getting a positive result.
This is so hard. Just had a nice dinner but all she wanted to do was argue after. I validated all her arguements but she still came after me and then the kids. She thinks I am out to blow all the money in the joint account because i mentioned that i would like to get a new car soon. There is no trust at all and i don't deserve that. I have worked so hard to get us where we are today and all I get is a Sh** sandwich. Felling kinda sh***y tonight cause she was all over me. Her mood swings are unreal. She keeps saying "another thing i have to add to my list for the Lawyer". That makes me feel really bad. O'well, I'll get back on my feet again. Thanks for your thoughts. Can't wait to see my friends. I'm am trying to stay away from her but it is hard.
I remember living like I had a gun to my head because my Husband constantly reminded me that we were getting a Divorce.
After living like that for a very long time, I think about 18 months with the cloud of doom hovering over me, I finally stopped being afraid.
I asked him to either sh*t or get off of the pot, file or don't file, I really didn't care anymore, but just stop talking about it, and to let me know once the papers had been filed.
Your wife knows that this gets to you, try hard to not let her see this. Don't react to her threats or her stupidity.
Act as if.......
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Wise words Brand. You are so right. She is always threating to call her lawyer and always leaving these notes around. I am almost to the point were I think i should find someone else and just enjoy my life. I fell like I have so much to offer someone. Besides this crap life is so great! Thanks for your thoughts
BT, Threatening and doing are two different things. Most WAW surprise the sh*t out of their husbands with divorce paperwork. I think all her threats are just that...threats.
She's angry and acting out.
I am almost to the point were I think i should find someone else and just enjoy my life.
You're going to go back and forth between wanting her back and cutting her loose. We all do. Be patient...the answer to what you REALLY want will come to you in time.
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Well she did send a letter from her lawyer saying she wanted to desolve the marrage due to irreconsilable differances back on December 5th but nothing has been filed for I sent a letter back saying no way and let's try to work this out. Now she is talking seperation, I wounder what the legal difference is? She has my head spinning but I am remaining very calm. I would imagine if and when we really do get seperated and she takes off for a weekend that's when I am really going to hurt. I am thinking way to much. Gotta work on me. Thanks!
Just got back from the Harlem Globetrotters game. We had a great time with the kids. W was very nice we had some good laughs. I can tell her mind is elsewhere. Texting the whole time.
I wish I had a magic pill that would make her love me again. I dropped them off at the house and went back to work and got a thank you and hug and kiss from all except W. I was a little upset/disappointed but I am expecting nothing at all from her.
Funny story, i was talking to her best friend again today because W was upset that I spoke to her last week and was crying the blues with her. Had a 1 hr talk with her friend today which was really nice but kinda scary. She told me that W has not made up her mind either way but did say things were going better with her and I. She said wife was very confused and in a lot of pain. Then a funny thing happened, she told me she didn't love her husband anymore, LYBNILWY, and started talking about that. She said she was going to stick by him cause she felt bad and has young kids and he is a nice guy (Fat). They have not ML in a very long time. Then she asked me if I wanted to go out for a drink one night. Knocked my boots right off. We have always had a little attraction towards each other but I could never do that to her family nor mine. I think she just meant to talk further about our blues but still. Ego builder.
Since my BOMB in December and I have lost twenty pounds, started DBing in all aspects of my life, working hard at the gym, got new hair cut and have been dressing nice EVERYWHERE I go people have stopped me and said how great I look. One Very attractive lady that I have known for 20 years walked across the room at the Super Bowl Party just to tell me how great I look. I can't tell you how good that feels in this sitch because I am just a plain old ordinary boring 48 year old guy. I just wish the W would notice. Maybe she does but doesn't want to lead me on or give me faulse hope. That hurts. I really miss her touch.
There was another lady (D two years ago) at the soccer game from the other team that I have gotten to know thru the years because our boys are on the same team and she was in back of me talking very loud to a friend about how she has not been out on a date for a long time and where she was thinking about hanging out with some freinds on Thursday night a few towns away. She is a very attractive African lady who if this doesn't work out I am definatly going to call. I have a really bad atrraction to African woman. I think they are so bueatiful.
Well anyway I am dreaming again. It's good to dream, right? Takes the mind off the misery. I really think I am doing better everyday with a few minor set backs.
Holy cow BT! Sounds like BOTH wife and wife's friend are in MLC!
Run away! Like the wind!
Sounds to me like you're doing great. Yes, your wife is confused and in a lot of pain. So...keep doing what you're doing. I know the lack of physical affection hurts. I'm right there with ya. The fact that other women are noticing you tells me you're doing good at GAL. But hey, really...watch our for your wife's friend. Talk about desperate housewives...
Soooooo..."African women" is it? I've always been kind of a leg man myself...
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
You are funny. I didn't mean to sound cocky but I feel really good about myself and the effort that I am putting in to save what is valuable to me. But if there is no effort on the other side it is really hard. I want her to put in an effort but it ain't comin. I guess I should expect nothing of her. I can't wait til she hears from her lawyer. If she locks up our co-account there will be a Porche in the driveway the next day. That is just to low of a blow for me.
