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well, ended up having to help a lot on the soccer thing...boy you have to have a lot of energy and be really encouraging, I was tired! I think my H did a pretty good job though. We had a really good time, and I think all the parents were happy, and then we took the kids out to eat. it was a nice night.

I'm also really excited, there is a MV teaching seminar in Georgia and I really wanted to go, but that meant H watching kids, and it's just 3 weeks away. Well, I prayed about it and told my friends who are going that I'll only go if H is okay with it, and I wasn't very hopeful. and if this had been PRE-sitch, there's no way I would have gone.

Well, I figured I was in even more trouble beause I went to a meeting and H assumed it was close by and it was 30 min away so oops on that one.. so got home late and I HAD to ask H that night to arrange the trip. I had briefly briefly mentioned it a week before, but still. Suprisingly H was okay and said if I really wanted to go, I should go. cool. then next day we talked about how to work the kids (I'd have to take them to Wichita or else he'd have to take off work)... so I mentioned him taking off and he said he could, would rather have a weekend alone like I mentioned, but that it would be okay. that floored me too, I text to him that he was a great husband! So now I get to go! and my mom's going too, so that will be fun.

I really hate how easily people's M's seem to fall apart. I've had two calls from friends that are having M problems, and one thinks it could cause a D.

I'm so glad Michelle has written her books, and I feel blessed to have gone thru my sitch so I can try to help other people.

Hi ST,
I know what you mean, but I think too many people think M is going to be easy and when things start to go bad, they find that it's just easier to give up and move on. There's a reason why the vows include "for better or for worse..." i feel like I am starting to work my way out of the "for worse."

Ditto! Everyone forgets about the "for worse" part and so many people seem to have exceptions built into their vows when they say them - unless s/he cheats or leaves socks on the floor or doesn't say ILY 10 times a day or doesn't ML w/ me every day...

I've had friendships fall apart because of living with someone w/o even sharing a room and a closet and a life!

Thanks New and Michelle, I like how you guys think!!!

been awhile since posting.

Been doing H's new workout P90X. boy that thing IS extreme. I am soooo sore. If I wasn't drinking my MV I think I woulda died! luckily I don't have that second-day-worse-sore feeling anymore. I almost could get up and down yesterday. But I like having that, makes me feel like I really did something. I'm really proud of myself for what I can do now. My back is SO much better now. I can actually touch my toes again. I haven't done that in years. I had gotten so incredibly unlimber (so not like me from before) from my back, it was really pathetic. If I had my legs straight in front of me while sitting, I would have to lean back just to sit. I could even sit UP. but NOW, I can lean forward and I'm barely touching my toes too!

My H is doing a great job with the soccer too. There are things I would want to do different, but I need to remember that this is HIS thing, not mine, even though I thought we could do it together, but I asked HIM to be coach not say can we BOTH be coaches together. It seems like the parents really like him too, and same with the kids. Now, if we could just get OUR kids to behave. ug.

I am glad soccer is going well. It must be nice for him to have something like that to look forward to and feel good about.

I am also totally happy to hear that your health is improving. That must feel so good!

thanks Michelle,

I swear, whenever things are going okay, something happens and just brings a whole lot of anger into the house. mostly from H, but I know I do it too.

I feel bad because it's mostly generated from my s9 not doing what he's told. My H says he gets so mad at him sometimes he can't stand it. I almost feel in my heart that we don't show him enough love and attention. I know he's a good boy, but he is just so darn lazy and doesn't want to do the right thing (which takes an extra step to the toyroom to put something away right), or doesn't care. So it's like we never have the chance to praise him or give him good attention because he's always doing the wrong things. And especially w/ H. I know they hardly ever hug, and I'm working on doing that too. Luckily H has gotten in the soccer thing, and the better s9 gets I think the more chance they will be able to connect better.

What I hate is that my s9 get so extremely upset over the littlest things and he never ever sees the good in things it seems, it's always the bad. Like we got him some icecream and he had to eat the hamburger first, so I held the cone and he wanted a bite and I said sure, and he resonded with "it's melting!". I said, hun, you have got to stop talking with negativity. what could you have said instead". he said "thank you?" and I said yes, but you could have also said, "that was yummy" or something like that also.

that's just a little example. he does that with everything. I know he got it from us. and I hate that. I guess I need to make sure I talk only positively to show a good example. and hopefully I'll rub off on everyone else. maybe I can somehow talk with H. he's just that type of guy that doesn't go along with the "new" behavior advice psychologists believe in now. like praising him when he does something right... he says, I shouldn't have to praise him for doing something he's suppose to do. He's that old style that thinks he should rub the dogs face in his pee and throw him outside if he pees in the house. that kind of stuff. so it's hard for me to talk to him about what I think we should do, when he already thinks it's kinda hokey. (I tried to talk to him about what I read on the dog pee thing and he just didn't get it. It was even a book HE bought, but never read it)

hmmmmmm. time to either act as if he will be open to the ideas, or think of something creative.

just want to say that my convention trip was so amazing. So many wonderful people and the speakers were incredible. God was truly in the hearts of these people too. There were over 5000 people there, and the energy was amazing!

I'll list some of the good things I learned later on.

I have lots of things to do... taxes, a children sale, son suspended from bus (again), fridge leaking water...

But guess what??!! no more negativity from me! I am transforming my life and I am going to renew my life. God is wonderful and God is my strength and joy!

okay.

s9 was not going to bed like I asked so I ended up yelling a couple times to do what I said. well H comes out wondering whats going on, I tell him and then he goes in to the bathroom with s9 and starts lecturing or whatever and I guess s9 was biting his tongue (so as not to yell back he says, not sure if that's true though, who knows) and H took it as him being disrespectful, and they argued back and forth once or twice and then H left the room saying "you f'n punk" (but said the word for real) halfway under his breath, and halfway loud enough for everyone to hear.

okay, well, I understand the anger that comes with raising kids, I do it myself, and I had gotten very angry before H came in.

However, I'm upset or dissappointed because H doesn't want to appologize to s9. said he's appologized enough and thinks this would be good for him. he needs to see that it's his fault for making him angry.

???? this is very old school. H and I were txting back and forth about it.

me: he heard u call him a f'n punk. fyi
H: Sorry I cussed but I wanted to hit him.
me: u dont need 2 tell me sori. He was pretty hurt by it. He n bed now.
H: Well i hope he was. now he mite understand how he acts most of the time.
me: So u think cusing at him is ok? I know he needs 2 understand. I was hoping ud apologize bout the cusing part.
H: Don't want to he needs to know what he does.
me:So u think it's appropriate 2 call ur son a f'n punk?
H: maybe not but there he made me do it.
me: He didn't make u silly. U get 2 choose wat comes out of ur mouth. So do I. I think it wuld b gd if u did. He prolly think u hate him.
H: He can think awhile then. May be good for him.
me: So ul apologize later?
H:Don't know
me: Wel either u think it was right or u think it wrong. If u think wrong, then u shuld show an example of apology. I have done the same, it's not easy tho.
H: I'm sick of apologizing to him. He can live with this awhile.
me: Wen hav u apologized?
H: I have. Sorry but I'm done with this.

that was it. then he comes into s3 bedroom while I'm reading like nothing happened.

It makes me sad to think that H is that prideful and can't apologize for cussing at his son. I think I've heard him appologize once. I really can't remember my H saying sorry. He NEVER would say it to me before the sitch, and has only said it to me after (which has been one of his good changes).

hmmmm. I'm trying to look at it from his view. I'm trying to let him take the responsibility and not interfere like I always did before. It shouldn't be: Dad getting mad at kids, then mom sticking up for them.

However, I did go in after it happened to s9 while he was crying about it, and that's when I found out he heard H say it, and I said, he said that out of anger, he didn't mean it. This is what anger does, do you see it?

anger has been something I've been trying to teach my s9 about. He has it as well, and if it's not controlled, by the time he's a teen, I have a feeling it's going to be really out of control.

lots to ponder and pray about.